Monday, 7 April 2008

Why The Long Face ?

Just because I am a hound , this does not mean that I have no sense of humour, its just that I find different things funny to you.
Things I find funny :
A ) The lawn well the lawn that they did have ( no I didnt ruin it, blame that on next doors cat) before they put bark chippings down - now I have to be careful when I squat, not too low !-it was one big puddle o mud or turned into one big mud pie and I loved running about on it digging my claws in raking all the mud in them then running full pelt into the house and skidding to a halt in the dining, huge great big muddy skid marks, that was funny, even funnier though watching Twiggs mutter to her self whilst cleaning it up.
B) Having sardines for tea and giving TBG a huge great big kissy kiss-kiss when he comes in from work and watching the look of horror on his face.
C) Having my weekly lady wash lay on the sofa opposite TBG when hes eating his tea in the front room.
D) Occasionally Barking like a banshee ( now Ellie pup has taught me to bark) at 3 am , petending that the phantom squirrel or The Toilet Monster ( yup, the same one Shannon hates) has come to get me and waiting for TBG to come lumbering down the stairs in those supid p'j's and then prentending that i was asleep and dont know what all the fuss was about.
E) When its cold and wet and nasty out side and TBG takes me to the garden before bed and he's shivering in his stoopid p.j's and I decide to take 20 mins to decide where to pee.
Things I Dont find Funny.
1) When TBG says over and over " Why The Long Face Nellie ?" chortle chortle........ i will tell you why: its genetics, its my breed, my mommy & daddy looked like this and I would look silly with a body like this and a face like a Pug !!!!!! Say it again and I will have to go all Wolfy like the guy from Little Red Riding Hood............. and bite you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) You know when I am asleep and my paws start twitching like I am running: have you ever thought that in my little doggy dream land I am chasing the Phantom squirrel and winning and can just taste his bushy little tail inbetween my teeth when I am awoken by you guys giggling like little school girls.and the squirrel lives to torment another day !!!!!
3) Bodily functions, mine smell great, lovelly in fact thats why I chose to share them with you, yours however smell of human and are quite offensive and I would rather you didnt share them with me at least not point the finger at me for something you have done; Thats well out of order.
4) When people laugh at my doggy coat, I am a lean sinewy machine , unlike Twiggs I have no excess body fat to keep me warm, so i wear a coat...and if I could I would also wear a hat, scarf and mittens to fend off the cold, but Twiggs doesnt like the thought of wet wool . I love my coat it is all snuggily, although I draw the line at that, im not one for dressing doggys up, thats just wrong, although I fully think that there should be a law that humans should reamin clothed at all times after that time Twiggs came down in her undies and bent over to put the washing in the machine, she could have warned me, i very nearly went blind, disturbed my sleep for weeks.
5 ) The dog next door ASBO jack the jack russell that hates all animals.who lies in wait until I have done the run around the garden searching for maybe a spot Ive not yet ever ever peed on , waits until I am mid flow then barks like buggery, gets me every time.......... lucky I dont wee on my paws or get tangled on the washing line............ Jack scares me.

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