Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Move over bumface

Camping in the camper van..........hhhmmmm.....nice big bed inside of camper..squishy and comfy..normally I jump in first coz Twiggs is faffing about with Gnat lotion or Gnat bite relief lotion, or counting her Gnat bites....TBG is normally up at the toilet block doing a TBG doodle ....... So firstly Twiggs moans at me cos I am lay in the middle, well excuse me I am a hound I dont know what a middle is, I just do Nellie comfy the quilt is yanked away and I find myself sliding towards the window...then she hoiks her big bottom in taking all the quilt to cover it.
Then Tbg will come and take up more of my room and normally one of them will end up breaking wind and then blaming it on me......( as if )
Then one of them will snore...Twiggs does this weird breathing in and not exhailling thing..I wait with bated breath to see if she gonna breathe out or if shes dead....TBG just sounds like Mutley.
Then theres the starfish thing that Twiggs does - she says its due to siatica- I say its due to too many pies and chunky thighs, which ends up with me squished up by the steering wheel...and pardon me if i dare step outside of the 5 inches I am allocated, they fidget, grunt and smell.

2 whole nights I had to endure this, 2 whole nights : then we had the mother of all thunder storms and Albino Big brave " i like all things dark & scarey" Emo child didnt want to sleep on her own in her tent and Twiggs who really really hates storms volunteered to stay in tent with said emo...and ended up in there for the rest of the holiday.........partly as on that first night we had 6 storms one after the other and it didnt get much better after that......IT WAS FANTASTIC......... me and TBG camping out together..or more importantly me taking up twiggs side of the camper...ha ha ha, and I think TBG enjoyed sleeping with me more and I dont snore or smell as bad as Twiggs or hog the quilt ( much ! ).
Then twiggs is normally awake early due to having a weak bladder and a hike to the toilet block..and she would come and sit in the awning waiting for me and TBG to wake up...ha ha sucker...we'd leave her out there for an hour looking all sad and moonfaced...while we pretended to be alseep all snug....... well she chose to sleep in the tent..The camper is mine all mine......

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Dark Nights

Ha ha ha......
Some people are so funny....... for the record let it be said " I am not scared of the dark !"
I am very much unlike the Albino-Emo-scene-goth -moody teen that lives in this house..who is scared of the toilet / under-the-bed-/hiding on the landing/sitting in the wardrobe monster and has to leave all the lights blaring in case said monster should jump out and actually make it smile !!!
What I am scared of is being Hood-winked like I was last night....
Twiggs dared to dangle the lead in my face...well I was comfy all snug on my duvet and to be honest I was really tired as I had just spent 10 minutes beating the bejayus out of Tony the tiger ( my newly aquired hunting aide...ok its a teddy..but its a dead teddy now)
Any way I am nearly in the land of twitchy paws..and dangle dangle plop my lead is swaying in front of my eyes...what is the woman doing trying to hypnotise me ?
No way hose am I moving so I hide my face in my bed..trying the ole-" I cant see you so you are not there trick " doesnt work !
Then I hear the Magic White thing open ..... And Emo child is rattling the sausage box...I race off my bed and bound into the kitchen all happy and mad-waggy and I get a sausage..nom, does not get much better than this, firstly I have avoided a walk and secondly I get sausages...then I turn around to go back to bed and Drat !!!!! Ole bum face is stood in the kitchen doorway : coat on lead in hand, I HAVE BEEN TRICKED !!! I cant believe Shannon has taken part in such deceitful behaviour...Ole bum face thinks its really really funny ........
Pah...not she opens the front door...and I start playing statues and refusing to move...I had an hours walk on sunday...why do i need another one this month ?
Twiggs thinks I dont want to go coz its dark and oh ever so scarey outside...No I just dont want to..Im not being mardy here....but I'm not budging......
So anyway I am forced to go for a this is where I will be mardy..I go as fast as I can..I am not normally one to pull at all...but I just want it over and done I go as fast as I can listening to bumface wheeze as she tries to keep up...then just as she has gotten into a good pace I stop dead to have a pretend sniff just to really annoy her..and then to annoy even more I wait until we get to the patch of grass by the busy road where there are always lots and lots of cars and spend 10 minutes pretending I am going to do a Nellie Doodle...then romp off again.
Then we are home , i am back in bed all snug and sleepy and bumface is bemoaning to Tbg about me...saying I ran the walk as I was scared of the dark... Tosh !!!!!

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Sausage Tree

We have a sausage producing tree in our garden ...its great !!

May i remind you once more that no matter what these guys who live with me say, I do not have OCD , I am however a creature of habit.
That is unlike TBG who has to check hes locked the back door at least 8 times before he goes out......
As I said I am a hound, a creature of I cant see what their problem is ?
At the end of the garden- I use the term garden 2 strides and its all over for me..we do have two very large and over grown conifers at the bottom, and typical of a mid terrace all the gardens are side to side with low fences ( apart from ours which have been Nellified- to stop me vaulting over them ).
Next door but one is a rented house and although they are no bother ( apart from them playing the drums in their cellar which made the floor boards shake like billy-o- I scarpered unsure if it was an earthquake or Twiggs trying to do aerobics again, both of which are equally terrifying...
TBG soon put a stop to that......)
They do how ever seem to like animals as they have a dog that I have never seen, but boy have I heard it...all day long bark bark bark !!!! I suppose its understandible really as they have 4 adult cats and 12 kittens/young cats.
About 2 weeks ago while I was in the garden producing a mighty fine Nellie doodle I had this horrible feeling I wasnt alone....I looked up and CHRISTMAS !!!
7 pairs of young feline eyes sat on the fence watching me..well I ran up and down tried to break the fence down in my need to play with them..I showed my teeth, I barked till I was hoarse..What did they do ?
They all ran away apart from the Ginger one who ran up one of the conifers.
Ole bumface soon rushed out to see what all the fuss was about and as they had all done a runner by then, I looked like a loon dancing under the tree.
I was told off and made to go indoors to bed and was chastised for thinking the phantom squirrel was up the tree - now i know it wasnt him as hes gone on vacation for a wee while.
Now at every oppertunity I get i am straight up the garden standing guard under that tree waiting for that pesky cat to get tired and fall into my mouth.
Now yes I am aware thats its been 2 weeks and that he would have fallen out by now...but you never know...also one good thing as I am a hound and choose not to answer to my name unless there is food involved, they have taken to keeping bits of sausage in the magic white thing they call a fridge........So,
I run out side
I stand under the tree
I look either all sad and forlorn or have my space hopper ears on.
They call me in,
I ignore them
They call again
I ignore them again
( repeat by 10)
I hear the magic white thing open
I smell sausages
I then come in...............
I eat sausage