Friday, 30 May 2008

Happy Birthday !!!!!

Happy Birthday to me, happy Birthday to me....Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeee......!!!
Hurrah its my birthday..well no its not really...I was born in May..but these fools dont know what date, so they have chosen the date when they first clapped eyes on my bootiful face to celebrate the day that the lord made this world a better place but gracing it with my presence !!!
The day started with lots of belly rubs and kisses..then a long long walk along the canal ( now hang on a mo, i thought the birthday girl should have chosen what she did on her birthday, and this birthday girl would have chosen to spend the day snuggled up on her big cosy bed after being given breakfast in said bed consisting of sausages and cheese and next doors cat !!)
But no those who hold the leash drag me out..At least the canal is great..lots of wild life to look at..lots of horrid.. Canadian geese to hiss and do the scary wing flappy thing at me -i was only looking at the baby iccle geesey thingys I wasnt going to eat one..honest.
Lots and lots of bargys boat things out which is annoying as you have to smile at them and wave and there were loads...Twiggs must have been exhausted by the end lifting those bingo wings waving like a fruitloop !!!!- even better when the lock broke and people were queuing up to get through to find out that the canal was then blocked by a falling tree..
Well we stopped at a quaint little coffee shop where I had my birthday pressie...very nice hand made doggy biscuit bone things, which were nice...TBG smoothered them in hot choclate froth- thankfully as they were so hard..I nearly broke my teeth..needed the moisture..I dont think they do doggy dentures.... They were nice...Then the rain started...oh joy not only a long walk, but a long walk home in the rain.... Boo-hoo !
The day before they had taken me on the steam train ( o.k it was a weekend birthday celebration..and I had some beer..nom nom nom some treats then slept all the way home..No i wasnt drunk like they were suggesting..I was snug, full belly ( beer and nom nom's) and the movement of the train lulled me into a snorring slumber..very nice..apart from the little tykes in the compartment behind me..noisy or what..I think all kids under the age of 6 should be made to wear gags and straight jackets in public......
When we got home they opened a bottle of pink champers ( no they are are not posh folks- it was a gift from Sam and Monty the hansome greyhound..and they had saved it for my birthday but didnt share it with me..greedy oinks !!!
And then I slept and slept and slept of course that was after I had beaten Murtle the turtle and Erwin the croc-o-gator up for forgetting my special day !!!!

Sunday, 25 May 2008

How Much Longer ????

Ok, I love my humans very very much............but I also love to sleep- its what i do best , I think we have established this fact ok )
When these guys to work, I have a routine which involves making a nest in my bed and playing statues with myself ( Ok for all of you who never had a childhood- Bit like TBG who was born old and is getting mopre child like as he get on in years, or so Twiggs says so..anyway at childrens parties they play a game called Statues where you have to stop when the music stops and stay as still as a statue.well I play this but I have adapted theres no music and just me and I have to stay still all day................................... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz school..
But Twiggs is so selfish..she has upset my Zen training by having nearly 4 weeks off work.
TBG said she had to have an operation.... well she dissapeared for a couple of hours and TBG came back and was pacing the floor ( which normally means she has gone shopping)..any way he brought her home all floppy and she just lay on the sofa saying ( opps sorry SLURRING) random odd things then falling asleep , mouth agape drool attatching her to the pillow- I get told off for pillow licking..actually watching her was like watching TBG coming back from the beer church, but minus the kebab.
I think TBG was supposed to be looking after her, but he just laughed and took photos of big floppy Twiggs when she was asleep..then he drank beer.Bad nursey TBG !!!!!
Anyway, she is off work and its upsetting my routine..wasnt to bad at first when she couldnt move about..but now it moves and I have to follow it in case it should fill my bowl while Im not looking..and I am tired..and it takes me for walks..fair enough not massive great big long walks..but walks when I should be alseep..and shes cunning she wont chase me with the collar like TBG and then let me off when I hide..she harnesses me up while I am asleep...not fair...
I love Twiggs, But I also love sleep.Twiggs I am sure your hurts are all mended now..please go back to work and give me back my routine x x x x x x x

Monday, 12 May 2008

Bath Time

They made me have a bath : does washing my lady bits in front of the telly while TBG is having tea not make me clean enough...NO so they say !!!!
I was lured under false pretences to Nanny Nels house, all excited and happy as nanny Nels proper name is Nanny Cheese as she has an endless supply of cheese and puts milk in my water to coax me to drink...
So I was all happy and waggy to see Nanny Cheese, when horrors I allowed in the bathroom ( which is down stairs as she lives in a bunaglow- which I think means all on one level, which is a bit stoopid as Nanny Cheese has bedrooms upstairs ????? TBG says its a Dorma Bungalow..I says its a house........
Never been in a bathroom before and to be honest, dont think I will be quite so keen in future either as I was sniffing the big white thing and TBG scoops me up and plonks me in it...puts loads of water on me shampoohey ( yes spelt right) bubbly stuff on me, makes me look like a poodle and then hoses me off.......they seem to think the whole thing is very funny giggling and tittering...well I wasnt laughing much..... Nor was nanny Cheese once they released me and I ran into her front room and belly wiped my sodden fur all over her best rug over and over again.
Nanny Cheese did give me lots of cheese as a reward for being such a brave doggy- Get real, its not as if I really had much say in the matter really was it ????
Any way TBG has brought me a paddling pool, which he very kindly blew up with his own lung power- without passing out-did go a bit puce though !
I think he's having a laugh, I will look at it, maybe even sniff at it when no one is around to accidently on purpose push me in , walk around it -taking a very very wide berth..but I will not go in it...if he thinks its so great why doesnt he sit in it........... May do a Big Nellie-Doodle in it when he's not looking just so he gets the hint !!!!

Wheres my Flake ?

TBG brought me my first ice-cream ( well Ellie-pup & Ollie are allowed them )
It was a seriously great nom nom............
Now the day before I will admit I had TBG go into town and buy me a tub of low fat ice cream and a paddling pool....... the ice cream was put in my bowl which was mighty good, but nowhere near as yummy as eating it from the cone...( think its all to do with being hand-fed)
I was very very dainty licking it nicely and nibbling at the cornet - bit bland would be nicer if cornets were bacon flavoured- but hey it was food and im not knocking that, just making an observation-
I didnt get the dreaded brain freeze that shannon moans about - see i dont chobble-
Nor however did I get a flake, any sauce or any of those sugary bits they put on............

Oliie :The super sausage snaffler

I met Ollie yesterday, he is a very happy 5 year old Lab.. ( think the folks he owns, should not allow him any more e-numbers, as I think he has AHD as he was a bit of a wriggler- a happy wriggly chap though)
Ollie had come along last year and won a competition for the quickest hound to snaffle sausages - good job i wasnt here last year-think I would have given him a serious run for his money-his prize for sausage snaffling was more sausages, to which he halved the record again when gobbling those...RESPECT TO OLLIE !!!!!! that is one amazing dog.
Ollie took his human into the Most appealing eyes round, think they must have gotten mixed up as Ollie took 2nd place ( think if they had wafted a plate of bangers in front of him, he would have looked most appealing and won...! )
Ollie also took his human into the sporting round, but Ollie couldnt keep still and had to leave the ring for a bit ( nothing to do with me whispering that there was a bloke giving free ice-creams to the first hound to leave the ring...honest !!!)
Ollie likes ice cream, looks like he likes it, dont think he actually tastes it by the way the little gannet wolfed it down..but respect to him again as he managed 2 whole ice creams and the half that shannon left .
Think he was disapointed that there were no sausages this year, not half as disapointed as me though.........................

Human Show

I Entered TBG into a human show.....( dont laugh, every one deserves a chance).
Forest Dog rescue were holding a Human show yesterday, and as the weather was just so beautiful, I decided to enter him, at least I think it was a human show as loads of canines had dragged the varied assortment of odd balls they owned out to enter ( now can i just say, that yes i am aware that it was hot yesterday, very hot but please please my canine readers, I know the humans you own come in all shapes and sizes and no one is perfect,( well looks at twiggs) but please, please make them cover up, it nearly put my off lunch seeing all those wibbily wobbly bits all hanging out on display, getting redder and redder in the hot sun ! )
I entered TBG in the sporting section.... i know its quite funny really, but give the guy a chance...he says he is sporty, that he used to play an odd game called Rugby ( ?) - an a long long time ago looking at him, anyway he says it involved chasing a ball around a field ( how sad and pathetic can you get, ball chasing - I so dont think so ??) Ive seen it on the telly- when twiggs is at work and TBG is supposed to be doing " stuff-around-the-house-type-things"..all it looks like is a massive punch up and how to get your nose broken and monkey ears reshaped like fat flat pancakes..oh yeah I forgot he does the old mountain biking thingy so i suppose he must be sort of sporty......
He was well behaved in the Judges ring and didnt doodle or bite anyone...
Mind you in all fairness, I do think that I helped a lot as I kept giving the judge my really really sad please give the poor lad a chance look...then when he had to run to show how sporty he was I did the Greyhound touch all your paws together run to really make him gallop..
I am very very proud.
I did think about entering Twiggs in to the prettiest bitch section ( only because there wasnt a grumpy or biggest bum face one) but shes just getting over her operation and couldnt move about too we left her sat in her chair under a tree like an old grannie.....

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Learning to read

Oh no, oh, oh, no, yet again I find myself in the doghouse and ole bum face , giving me the " get on your bloomin bed and bloomin well bloomin bloomin stay there eyes eyes and big pinched lips....... and what have I done you may ask ? Oh yes just exactly what is it I am supposed to have done now ?... tell me is it such a crime to wish to better ones self / to wish to improve ones education, well I am telling you that it this house you would think it was a major crime.....

Ok now think back to the accident that I had with the present ...... similar sort of thing - remember if you would please, I dont have any fingers !!!!!!!!

Shannon had left a book on the ottomanwoodtypethingthatnoonesknowswhattocall, and the picture on the front looked ace, really really interesting, so I thought I would investigate and see if the were any more pictures inside.. couldnt see any piccies but lots and lots of big words, I got really really engrosed in this book- before you judge me, I mean it was interesting in an intullectual sort of way not a rip and tear way... OK !!!!
But oooo-oh i got absorbed buy this book and agian remember no fingers, my little nail must have caught one of the page whilst I was turning it and I accidently ripped it ( OH GOODNESS ME) so I tried the stickydown with my tounge thingy- which yes I will accept was very remiss of me after last time, but I was in a panic ( after all it was Shannons book and you know what they say - like mother like daughter, i didnt want a junior bumface looming over me also !!!! )
Yes yes ok so you can guess the rest, i accidently managed to rip the front cover and several pages off and then had to rip them into tiny tiny bits to try and eat the evidence- but i dont have much of an appetite for ha..ha ! brainwave Twiggs had brought a 3 pack of kitchen roll which she had put in the kitchen...maybe if I opened that and scattered that every where the teeth-in-the-book thing would go unoticed..Tried that...will admit the best fun I have had in yonks !!!!
Then I felt really really guilty and lay on bed ...tumming turning, -see I do know the difference between right and wrong -oh yes and also that accidents will happen..
Any how when Twiggs came home I barked and barked at her to try and distract her from the mess..........................didnt work.....................
Am currently lay on my bed deflecting evil death stares which keep coming way ( im not allowed to have my tea yet and i am hungry- next time I should remember to swallow the paper)