Wednesday, 15 October 2008

He's Behind You.................

See, see proooooooooooof thats what this photo is , " PROOF................ !"
Proof that I am not making it up or having another Nellie dream moment.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Milk Monitor

"Milk-o, Milk-o........................! "
Ernie may have very well have been the fastest milk man in the west...he would have needed to be with me fast on his heels......
As I have said before I do not have OCD ; I is a hound, I is a creature of habit....and a new habit has developed in my house...involving the magic white food cuboard- ( The one Tbg comes home from work opens and stands in front of to see if the magic food pixies have made a delivery of any thing exciting while he's been at work and he can quickly stuff in his face before Twiggs shouts at him that she didnt buy those nom nom things to be eaten....... ( ?)
I have noticed that every night Twiggs makes The albino one a hot drink and normally her self one also....which means MILK.......apart from when Emo is being all arty farty and opts for lemon & Honey in her tea - whats that all about only have lemon and honey in cakey bakey things and when you have a croaky sore throat..but come on in tea ????? NO !
Twiggs used to give me powdered milk with weetabix ( until they realised that what was making all the urban curry mess)..when I say powdered milk of course she used to mix it with water for me..even Twiggs isnt that cruel she'd make me use my big long snout like a giant Dib-dab !!
So when I hear the kettle being put on , I know whats coming...then as soon as I hear the magic white cuboard open I spring through off the sofa like Bambi on speed straight to my dish as give it the cute ears up, head on the side thing..which Twiggs thinks is me being rather cute and fetching..actually the ears up and head to the side is me trying the ole telepathy...." put milk in my dish...put milk in my dish....PUT THE MILK IN MY DISH....... ! "
Never failed me yet.......
Yum yum love milk..Tbg moans about all the milk we are using, Twiggs tells him its good for my bones and to stop being a tight arse and a wee drop of milk wont ruin us.
I love having the milk mustache, I try and lick it all off , but then have to give up and stick my bum in the air whilst trying to wipe my mouth on floor...keeping guard with one beady eye that no one tries to tip me over whilst I am in a vunrable posistion........
I reacon the should get a cow ( the bovine as oppossed to the stroppy kind that we get in our house) and keep in the garden so I have milk on tap all day rather than having to wait until nearly bed time.............

Thursday, 9 October 2008

Bucket feet

Oh the shame...the shame.........................

As you know there are two places I will produce a mighty fine Nellie-doodle...

1) Back Garden..Nice comfy back, private : Great
2) The enclosure in the park where I like to do a big runny urban curry in the long grass before taking off on a mad sprint around the field...Long grass is best as it makes Twiggs heave as she trying to get it all up before I bomb back up and skid in it ( you know what they say at the races...always bet on the greyhound that has always just had a dump-coz they is the fastest)
Now we know that TBG is a lazy git and will " leave it - (in the back garden before you all jump on him bemoaning about all the times you have trodden in dog toffee and ended up doing the foot scrape behind you walk up the road).....he leaves it to get a skin on- so its easier to scoop up- ah hem I do solids at home if you dont mind so solid you have to chop it with a stick some days to get it a pooper scoop bag-thank you on or thats what he thinks its so Twiggs will spot it and clean it up, before he remembers to go out and do it...... as I said lazy git...
anyhoos the one day after having veggies in with my tea the previous evening I had left mount everest in the garden and he had forgotten ( Oh dear i didnt realise she done anything were the words he muttered) about it..
So when I spotted the phantom squirrel up the tree I bombed it out side and " YOIKES " straight through it....eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww...........! Bad bad...all four paws- I told you it was a big one....
I wasnt allowed back in the house and was made to have my paws washed in a bucket of water by a heaving Twiggs supporting the biggest bumface I have ever seen in my life......... and she didnt offer a full manicure either
The shame of it all...foiled by my own waste.........

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Reverse Psychologythingamujig

I am a lot of things, which I will quite happily hold my paw up to

for example:

I am...............

1) Lazy

2) Always hungry

3) A cuddle monster

4) A hunter and killer of furry teddies ( especially those with annoying squeeky innards)

5) Deaf, well selective hearing anyway

6) A trip hazzard

7) Narcleptic

The list could go on and on, however there is one thing I am not and thats " STOOOOOOPID"

I fully understand the working of reverse psychology and I am more than aware when these folks in my house use it on me........

For example Twiggs is in the kitchen and contrary to what she says she is not chained to the sink, and she says " Nellie, get out the kitchen "

I know this means " Nellie stay in the kitchen and I will give you something yummy in a moment "

She says " Nellie get your nose off the oven door, you will burn your nose ! " I know this means,

" When you yelp in pain I will give you something yummy to take the hurty away "

She says " Nellie get out from under my feet or I will end up dropping this item I am holding on the floor"

I know she means " opps-a daisy...I seem to accidently on purpose dropped that, ah well Nellie you may as well have it now ! "

So you see when Twiggs says " ohforfourfootsnake get outta da kitchen you bloodydog !!! "

I know she really means , " Nellie you know how much I love you and dont mind tripping over you, you stay right there and something yummy will come your way !!!!!

See I'm not stupid after all.........