Thursday, 24 July 2008

Nanny Cheese

Oh Nanny Cheese, how I love you so much, i know Nanny Cheese was a bit worried that I was a bit stand-offish with her, I wasnt really, I just had a wee bee in my doggy bonnet as I wasnt allowed on her squishy squashy sofas and had to make do with the hard cold floor.......
No amout of cheesy type bribery could make me happy until I had parked my hairy skinny bottom on those pink velour sofas......every time I went to her house ( oooopps, sorry bungalow-yeah the bungalow with an upstairs..hey I be a hound but I am not totally like stupid...its a house if it has stairs...........any way every time we went there every one would plonk their fat bums on the sofas and poor ole mesome would have to try and get comfy on the FLOOR !!!!.not fair.........
TBG has been getting the camper ready for Happy holidays with the O family, so he's been outside and ive been stuck inside sulking , pinning, moaning about this.............. So Nanny Cheese has ALLOWED ME ON THE SOFA................its only taken over a year, but I got there in the end..and the wait was well worth it, they are so comfy, not leather like ours, which I always much the merriment of others always manage to slide off or get myself scalded for messing the throws Twiggs neatly arranged on them ........ theres nothing like wrestling the throws and seeing if how many knots I can get in them before Twiggs gives me that Bum face looks !!!!
The sofa at Nanny Cheeses house is only a 2 seater and Shannons always sprawled on it so I have to try and push her off, or squeeze on to the arm chairs and make a big fuss about it, making out that its way way too small, huffing and puffing and doing the " how sad am I eye thing" until Nanny Cheese feels sorry for me and makes ole Emo face move her sulky butt and change places with me, so I can sprawl on the 2 seater.......................only 3 snags though..... Emo child then gives me her Moody eyebrow wiggle- "I'm really not happy with you face- which is nearly as bad as the bum face, & Nanny Cheese's chair looks dead snug as it has a leg rest thing that springs up, so i am going to have to hatch a plan how to comander that seat off her and lastly now I have my new sleeping place how can I train Nanny Cheese to bring me cheese and hand feed me while I rest, rather than have to drag my self into the kitchen and do the " Arnt i a good doggy, heres my paw thing ?"

Monday, 14 July 2008

Sleep walking sausage snaffler

I was doing what I do best...acting as a giant draught excluder, sprawled out along the dining room floor catching up on some z's...The next thing I know I am being yelled at in the " you've been a very very bad doggy sorta way"....... I nearly jumped outa my skin...!!!!!! What has I done now.. ?
Tbg says that I ate the sausages..( what sausages ?)
Tbg says that Twiggs had cooked them and left them on the side to cool so TBG & Shannon could have them cold the next day...bit silly leaving them on the side if you ask me, even if they were pushed right to back of the work surface..I am a canine Giraffe.I can reach where other pooches cannot- Disclaimer, I say I CAN reach, but choose not to as I am a good doggy and do not steal food..OK !!)
Any way TBG says that he heard a noise then it went quiet, then he heard a noise again...and he says he caught me up at the work surface with said banger in my chops , caught in the act of sausage snaffling.....he says that I hadnt eaten them all, but was in the process of slowly and quietly removing them one by one taking them into the dining room and Nom nom nomming them.... now I say If I was doing it I must have been so far into the land of nod...the aroma of cooling pigs lips & arses and offal must have triggered some thing in my subconcious...and I WAS DOING IT IN MY SLEEP........honest I wouldnt steal food , not when I can do the "sad hungry feed me im starving eye thing" also in my defense do you honestly think i could either be quite so sneaky or have enough restraint to take them one by one...No way ! If I was guilty I would have just gone the whole hog and and chobbled them all at once before I was stopped and risked leaving any in the dish...and probally would have broken the dish at the same time ( hey if you are gonna get yelled at you may as well give them a real valid excuse to send you to your bed ( punnishment- sent to my bed ???- oh yeah thats really really punnishment )
So do you believe me ? I was asleep...any way, given a choice- that is if I was awake at the time the crime as such took place: I wouldnt have eaten their sausages as they were Chilli sausages and I know what happens the next day when Ive had too much protein- and now I know what happens if I eat chillied foods- urban curry, but a stingy Nellie doodle bottom and Twiggs doing a chicken dance while scooping it up ( heaving aplenty)..............................
I was asleep honest.....................