OOOHHHH look at me Kate Moss

I am aware that I am of the attractive variety of hound...no its not me being vain ( ha, as if - its inbreed in us Greyhounds..ok in my case I was blessed with more than some)..people often tell me that I am a rather attractive hound and to phrase TBG " Such a pretty girl ....." ( I wont embarrass him buy saying what else he says to me ...........................
I am rather slim and lithe and very graceful ( ok I wont mention about walking into things whilst out for walkies) I would quite easily knock spots off the likes of Kate Moss no contest...
However modest I am about the beauty that has been bestowed upon me...I don't recall telling Twiggs that she could draw me....now shes no Monet..more Bash Street Kids...she has taken to drawing me in cartoon form and making models of me again in cartoon form... I am rather hurt and offended that she has overlooked this graceful model quality that I possess and choose to portray me in the same style as Snoopy or Goofy.....lets hope she gets better and stops making models and drawing like a pre-school child and can refine her work to show me in my true light.......
Either that or I eat her pencil case

Wheres my belly cushion ??????

Ok the worse swear word I have ever heard is Healthy eating...grrrrr even the thought of it makes me shudder all the way to the very end of my slinky tail.....
Well thats whats happening in our house.........
Gone are all the chances of a spare crisp or chocolate being dropped ( well never ever with Twiggs as shes way too greedy- so no change there then) ready to be hooverd up by yours truly and her amazing vacuuming snout.
No left overs apart from vegetables ( which incidentally much to my disgust are not place immediately in my bowl..no they are put to one side to mixed in with my next meal) nope no chance of any left overs as TBG is always so hungry and never seems to sure when he will get fed next ( now he knows how it feels )
As soon as Twiggs gets in from work TBG meets her at the door and all she hears is " can I have my tea ? Whatsfortea ? IsitKebab ? sayitsKebab please..canihaveteanow please ?..without taking a breath...and she laughs at him..now If I do that ( which I have to admit I do tend to do every night..They dont find that funny.....and I get made to go it the garden and do my kangaroo impersonation ( have a wee-wee)..I dont see her sending upstairs to empty his bladder....Odd that.
They are losing weight..bad bad thing..they have more energy bad bad lets go for more walkies..bad thing....they don't go to the beer church as much..bad bad thing.
When I snuggle on the sofa Tbg has lost his Big belly cushion and isnt anywhere near as squishy any more...... I may have to buy him one of those pretend bellies that fathers to be sometimes wear so I can squish up next to him in comfort..or just sit on Twiggs..theres loads of snuggillyness left on that one.

Lick The Lid Of Life !!!

Ok so we all know that the big white cuboardy thing belongs to me, no one else but me.That includes every thing in in also ( that is apart from cucumber and those yacky red tomatoey things that belong to Twiggs and that nasty rash cream belonging to the Albino emo who smothers herself in should a single ray of sunshine ever caress the pasty skin that covers that sullen body).
I know that is also where the cow juice lives which I adore, although they have taken to calling it moo moo , cow and bovine stuff and spelling it out M-I-L-K so I dont hound them the minute they open the cavern of loveliness to get it out, but I know what they are on about.
There are lots a good things kept in the Nellie Temple and only once more I wish I had pose able thumbs so i could open that door ( I would only have agood mooch inside and really honestly I wouldn't snaffle everything in there.
Best of all there are YOGURTS !!!!!!
This is amber nectar created for the goddess Nellie...I so love yogurt and its low fat ( well in our house it is) and its full of moo juice and calcium which is superb for my bones......I have a certain brand which I adore most of all as the tub is fat and squat and I am able to get my snout right in there...some times TBG buys huge pots which although I can get my whole head in they scare me as I cant breath once my face is encased in the plastic pot.
Muller lights....licking the lid of life...although I am NOT allowed to lick the lid in case it "Cuts" my big floppy tongue...more like that's TBG's favourite bit.
Cherry that is the best although Twiggs is still sulking as they have withdrawn the chocolate one....maybe one day I may get the change to try that.,,although if its Twiggs that's eating it I doubt very much she would save me any.
Now my Muller addiction has gotten so bad TBG has to sneak it out of the Food tardis, with the yogurt in his pocket and sneak past me....... Now Im really not that silly Ive seen Twiggs and its rather obvious what the bulge in his trousers isnt..so it means its yogurt time ....Hurraaaaahhhhh......... Normally I am rather good and will wait ...but I just cant....which is normally met with " Bugger off nellie".........I wait all twitchy like an addict until its mine all mine ( that's unless he has put in the freezer...which was rather unpleasant the first time I yoinked my nose in the tub...not only did I have frost bite I nearly broke my snout !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I may get Twiggs to write to these yogurt geniuses and request a special Nellie flavoured one...... mmmmmmmmmm cheese ?.... mmmmmmmmmm chicken ?..........beer.....? or next doors cats ???? Maybe we could ask for a multi pack ?

Mind Your Beeswax

" Sigh....!"


Im being punished yet again, once more for some thing I claim I am not guilty of.....

Twiggs had been shopping and had brought me a new chongy bone home..so after I had run through the house showing each room my new eatible toy..I settled down for some jaw exercises..whilst Twiggs hoovered down stairs........( which took forever)

She had moved lots of stuff around to hoover properly................

Then she started on the upstairs...... I whad a wander out into the garden and upon my return I couldnt seem to locate my new chongy bone..I started to panic a bit in case the dreaded phantom squirrel had snook in and stolen it...... then I spied it hiden behind the little stand thing the phone sits on...so I dragged it out and settled onto the newly vacuumed rug and began to chomp......

Hmmmmmmmm this bone tastes funny and feels sort of waxy in my mouth........ I chobbled a bit more...then a bit more...yes indeed it did taste funny !!!

Horrors It was not my bone I had picked up, I had mistakenly picked up Twigg's ornamental candle..and had chewed it to bits leaving a waxy mound spread all over the rug..a million zillion crumbles everywhere...Oh No what Could I do.....I did the decent thing and went to find my bone pretending nothing had happened...until..

Twiggs came back down stairs and said several rude words that I dont think i have ever heard of before...It was a mistake and how was I to know it was something The Albino emo had brought her and was very speicla

Special..it tasted very nasty to me.

So she has now hoovered ( again) told me off....and is currently trying to break the world record for holding the bumface the longest.....
I am sat on my bed and she has the hoover apart trying to dislodge wax from inside it....... ooooppppps !!

Turn The clocks BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some one has stolen an hour from me and I am not happy about it at all.
Who has it..it cant just disappear ?


OK...Own Up which Numpty said we have to put the clocks forward ?
I am really really NOT happy about this fact.

I lose an hours sleep.....A WHOLE HOUR !!!!!( Ok so I maybe gained one 6 months ago ( I cant remember as I was asleep at the time)

Horrors..... Yesterday morning Twiggs came plodding down stairs AN HOUR EARLY....got me up for my breakfast..which i dutifully ate then retired back to my bed....An hour early..
I was taken by the pair of them to the park ( which did alarm me as normally when they both drag me out in the direction of the park it means no park but past the park to the vets)
So I had a run in the park....dive bombing the pair of them.....

They had roast pork for lunch ( sulk, sulk I cant have pork..as they say it gives me urban curry, runny Nellie doodles...which isn't a problem for me..more for them trying to scoop it up- they are just so selfish )all was not lost as the Albino Emo snook me finger fulls of gravy off her emptied plate with out Bumface noticing....

Then later as it was " Still so light" they took me for a two hour walk..which really narked me..if I had known I was getting dragged out twice in one day suffering from sleep deprivation...I would not have galloped so much in the park, trying to bowl Twiggs over.............( well I say bowl over but looking at the size of those thighs I think it may take more than my self at 45mph to knock that off balance)

Hmmmmmmmmfffffpp !

A walk in the woods..including the 100000 mile walk to the woods ...-not happy- then TBG was not a happy one when he had to drag me back home..Twiggs did comment that it was like dragging a tired toddler or a sullen teenager along..I wasn't trying to trip him up..I was trying not to fall over with exhaustion...

So this means the nights are lighter, which means longer evening walks, which means not a happy Nellie .
This means brighter mornings with the sunlight waking me up, which means not a happy Nellie
This means the stupid birds will wake up earlier than ever and start their incessant chirping earlier and wake me up, which means not a happy Nellie.

I shall have to invest in some earplugs and a doggy eyemask....and practice that limp again so I am not dragged out as much.........


BRING BACK WINTER...... BRING BACK MY HOUR !!

TBG says NO

I was dragged on The Perry Barr RGT walk on Sunday.....which is always good bum sniffing fun and if it wasn't for the fact that I have ( and The Albino Emo one) have to get up so very early ( 10.30 meet up) and the walky in between bit-it would be great.
Its always great to meet up with my fellow hounds and sniff and eat sausages.
Twiggs always falls in love in with several hounds...... HOWEVER this Sunday I was really narked ( believe me if my snout wasn't quite so long I would have done the Twiggs bum face thing)
There was this puppy, Poppy I think IT was called..a ditty brindle thing ( not nice brindle like me, but a wishy washy brindle yellowy thing).
IT I think was about 18 weeks old, IT had a broken leg from where a daft Alsatian had fallen on it...so folks- including Twiggs were all like, " awwwwwwwww, ooohhh poor Sweet little THING"
Twiggs even deserted me and went to fawn all over it and kept looking at TBG all longingly and doe eyed...he kept mouthing words like ... NO way, Bugger off..never ever"
Twiggs kept saying oh its just soooooooo sweet ( and Im not ? ) Oh its so lovely
( and Im not ?) We have room for IT.
Actaully I dont have room for IT...Theres not enough room for me on the sofa...let alone when Twiggs parks her big fat bottom on it and thinks im getting all lovey dovey snuggling up to her....when will she realise I am actually trying to push her off !!!!!!!!!!
We dont have enough toys for IT and I am nOT sharing mine will some thing that will get puppy drool all over it.
Theres not enough room in the camper van for IT...point proven on the way home when I purposely spread out to maximum capacity in the van just to show them how small the van is.
My bed...just its massive, but its massive just for me.
Food, well as you have read previously theres not enough food for me in this house lately let alone a manky puppy.
As its obviously un raced and will never race due to the dog wrestling incident...no doubt it will have lots of energy ( HORRORS) and want lots of walks which no doubt I will have to go on too ( so dont think so)... Plus I know TBG wont want to be walking IT all the time......and two sets of eyes watching them pig out at tea time, two sets of drooling mouths...nope cant see that happening.....
Who wants a rug-rat in the house not me..and certainly not TBG...so for once we agree on something.
Twiggs nearly had to be taken to casualty on the way home as I thought she was going to actually swallow her lips she had sucked them in so much and there was a BIG silence on the way home...apart from the sighing and occasional tutting that is.
well I'd rather have silence any day than an ankle bitter invading MY SPACE

Sweeties

Ok I know I am on this enforced diet...and you know that i am not very happy about this....Prior to being starved I could occassionally get SWEETIES off these folks who live in my house.
Tbg loves sweets and still mourning the closure of Woolworths & the best pick a mix ever ever ever...I always said he had the mentallity of a child and when it comes to sweeties its a very close call between him and the Albino Emo one.
Some times they will drop sweets whilst shovelling them into their gapping mouths to which I pounce and gobble them up before they can be hit on the back of the head by the falling candy.
Im not so keen on hard boiled sweets as they hurt my tounge.... sour sweeties really hurt my taste buds- have you seen the size of my tounge.....how many taste buds ????

I like jelly babies and jelly belly beans ( although I always seem to get the manky ones like cappucino and cinnemon ..the really yakky ones no one likes ( or me really)..but dont normally realise they have fooled me with vile flavours till I am mid-chomp....... Nasty !

What I dont like is Space candy ( also knwon as Space dust,Fizz-whizz, popping candy etc etc)
I should have realise something was up when TBG actually offered me some candy and he was smiling at me........ so I trotted over to him and loving licked the suggary candy from his palm..... then all of a sudden " WHAM ! " my mouth exploded.....pop, pop,pop ! There was a mini volcano going off in my mouth and I couldnt stop it, like a million little imps sat on my tounge firing cannon balls...I tried to run about the room shaking my muzzle : But it wouldnt stop........ Nor would Tbg stop laughing.....tears were running down his big stupid face...his shoulders were shaking and he sounded like Mutley on speed.............
That was a very mean and nasty trick to play on me, I couldnt believe he would be quite so mean or what had just happened in my mouth.
I had to try the space candy a few more times just to make sure..........
Twiggs has banned him from bringing it in the house now and has threatened to ring the dudes at the RSPCA.
I think jelly babies are the safest bet from now on ( thats the nearest I will ever get to eating a human )