Enforced Doggy A. A

Not a happy hound at all........ My name sake Nel/ Helen/ Nanny Cheese has fallen and broken her shoulder ( she says she was sober- but you know it was lunch time and she had been shopping..and there was wine in those shopping bags!!!!! im not insinuating..just stating facts).. anyways my life has been thrown into doggy turmoil ... As Twiggs and Tbg are caring for her..life is hetic to say the least TBG is staying with her and coming home for meals and clean washing etc- see twiggs ..HE IS TREATING THIS PLACE LIKE A HOTEL- Twiggs is cooking for her etc...anyway while they are running about after her I am not getting any cheese when I visit... as these two bozo's dont think to cut me any up... and she cant weld a knife at the moment..so I lay on her sofa willing her to go and open the fridge door so I can blooming well go and help myself before I slip into the crevices of her sofa never to be seen again as I am that skinny from lack of cheese .... They are not going to the beer church either due to looking after her...... so i havent seen land lady cheese for what feels like an eternety...no bowls of cheese...no pots of beer slops..ITS NOT FAIR...... They put my P.J's on as I am shivering as they think I am cold....yes I am cold... COLD TURKEY..... Just for your infromation I am home all day so if anyone wants to post me some cheese or a bottle of stout please feel free.

chuffin chuff chuff

Oh it seems I am in TBG's bad books.. he hasn't told me exactly..but I know, oh boy do i know about it alright...he seems to have adopted Twiggs bumface stance..what did I do.. nothing that's all.. or at least nothing I had control over anyway.
Tbg wlked me to the station to meet mardy pants Twiggs off the train or so I thought that was the plan, as I had just been fed, he had spent 30 mins staring vacantly into the fridge the another 30 minutes flicking through the tv channels at what Twiggs calls man saddo porn..... which I think means programs such as Hows its made, mythbusters etc and the Twiggs stomp outta the room all time favourite..only fools and horses... so it must have been Twigg's home time..so off we trot towards the station when "Oh my " my tummy started rumbling and I knew I would have to make a Nellie doodle.. but of course I have to find the right spot even if my sphincter is contracting... IT HAS TO BE THE RIGHT SPOT......... so anyway, spot found, bowels emptied....... Old saddo picked it up again and put in a special bag..and off we trot very very fast... didn't understand what the hurry was, I thought maybe he needed a TBG doodle we were going that fast towards the station .............
I heard him mutter those rude rude words again.. but not in code like they use around the Albino Emo- proper rude words...
How was I to know that The Tornado... the first Steam train built in the modern day times was coming through the station and old sad pants wanted to cop a look at it... and all because "This Bloody Hound needed a pooh.. " he missed it ...just saw the back coaches going through the station... so its my fault now... and it didn't help that Twiggs saw it and told him he was a sad train spotting old git... next time I will hold it in and wait until the other train spotters are just about to take pictures and uncouple one of my own on the platform

Sprinkles

We have just come back from a holiday from wettest Wales in the Damper van... It rained and rained and these bozo's moaned that it rained so much...do they not learn from past experiences ???? ( me if some thing upsets me..I just dont do that thing again.....- even if they try to bribe me - no they just keep going to the same place every year and maoning about the wet weather !!!! ?)
The Abino Emo was on fine form she didnt disterb my sleep at all thanks to the joys of a net book and an ipod thingy...she even managed to get bed hogger Twiggs to sleep in the tent with her..which ment Oh Joy..I got to sleep with TBG all on my own in the damper van...fab..loads of room and no one waking me in the night due to the fact they cant hold it in and need a wee-wee...now I get shouted at if i wake every one due to needing a wee..and if i should wee in the house i get shouted at...whats that all about then ????
We did lots of walking...ho-hum..but for every long walk i did I got treated to an ice cream.. however what did i get for walking half way up snowdon ? A flake ? Sprinkles ? Strawberry sauce ? No the smae old plain ice cream.. i do feel hard done by, especially as they made me sit on top of the open top double decker bus on the way to Mount Snowdon.. Big deal I hear you say..but have you ever seen a greyhound get down the stairs on a double decker ? No..?... picture the scene.. my rump passed me and reached the bottom before me ..... I think I should at least have gotten sprinkles for that.

Foiled again

I have been rumbled...............every night when they decide its time for their bed time I am shooed into the garden for a tinkle.....even if i don't want or need one and they wont leave me alone until I do..... and then when I come back in I get a nice rather tasty bit of cheese for my troubles then I am tucked into bed and given a big kiss goodnight........I have given up holding my breath for a bedtime story -
Any way as I don't always need a tinkle or as its cold out side I and I don't like being left in the cold I have taken to running behind the wall and pretending to have one...... then running back in to gobble the cheese...which in all fairness isnt really deceitful as I dont need to go and they dont need to know I haven't gone ..everyone is happy........
Except for last night when I was just hanging about counting to 20 waiting to spring back in when I had this feeling I was being watched...............I looked up and yes indeed TBG and my eyes met....his narrowed, mine widened and yup I wet myself on command ( well not quite..but it was a lot easier to perform after being caught !!!)
and I still got my cheese......... must try and be more cunning....

New Beer Church

I must admit my very very bestest ever beer church is the one owned by the Famous Land Lady Cheese and her never ending pots of cheese...two downs sides though...plastic chairs and no Nellie thrones....I cannot or will not hummilate myself by squeezing onto a plastic chair akin to those in pre school nurseries
( SMALL)..also when I went in the other week I nearly had heart failiure..land lady cheese was not there serving ale and stuff..it was Barry her husband..now he knows my passion for cheese..but I dont think he's a soft touch like LLC.....So I did the decent thing and sulked..thankful LLC came in later and produced her bowl of yellowness to my aching tummy..but honsetly I cant take many shocks like that !!!!
Themselves seem to have found a watering hole which involved a walk longer than 2 mins..which I wasnt happy about for starters...its a bit pokey inside..but the ale is good and they have big squishy comfy seats which I promptly divied on ( well it was a window seat..it was comfy..TBG was very embarrased as the landylady was watching me..but she laughed and told me to go for it so I did Nellie style.
The upside is comfy seats downside no cheese..no porky puffs since these two are "Slimming" and there was a yappy jack russell thing keeping me awake at lease at LLC beer church the only other dog is farther Lambs dog Massie who is about 750 in dog years and she leaves me alone ( probally as the blind ole thing cant see me)
So its a quandry..comfy seats or cheese............think I know which will win dont you ?

OOOHHHH look at me Kate Moss

I am aware that I am of the attractive variety of hound...no its not me being vain ( ha, as if - its inbreed in us Greyhounds..ok in my case I was blessed with more than some)..people often tell me that I am a rather attractive hound and to phrase TBG " Such a pretty girl ....." ( I wont embarrass him buy saying what else he says to me ...........................
I am rather slim and lithe and very graceful ( ok I wont mention about walking into things whilst out for walkies) I would quite easily knock spots off the likes of Kate Moss no contest...
However modest I am about the beauty that has been bestowed upon me...I don't recall telling Twiggs that she could draw me....now shes no Monet..more Bash Street Kids...she has taken to drawing me in cartoon form and making models of me again in cartoon form... I am rather hurt and offended that she has overlooked this graceful model quality that I possess and choose to portray me in the same style as Snoopy or Goofy.....lets hope she gets better and stops making models and drawing like a pre-school child and can refine her work to show me in my true light.......
Either that or I eat her pencil case

Wheres my belly cushion ??????

Ok the worse swear word I have ever heard is Healthy eating...grrrrr even the thought of it makes me shudder all the way to the very end of my slinky tail.....
Well thats whats happening in our house.........
Gone are all the chances of a spare crisp or chocolate being dropped ( well never ever with Twiggs as shes way too greedy- so no change there then) ready to be hooverd up by yours truly and her amazing vacuuming snout.
No left overs apart from vegetables ( which incidentally much to my disgust are not place immediately in my bowl..no they are put to one side to mixed in with my next meal) nope no chance of any left overs as TBG is always so hungry and never seems to sure when he will get fed next ( now he knows how it feels )
As soon as Twiggs gets in from work TBG meets her at the door and all she hears is " can I have my tea ? Whatsfortea ? IsitKebab ? sayitsKebab please..canihaveteanow please ?..without taking a breath...and she laughs at him..now If I do that ( which I have to admit I do tend to do every night..They dont find that funny.....and I get made to go it the garden and do my kangaroo impersonation ( have a wee-wee)..I dont see her sending upstairs to empty his bladder....Odd that.
They are losing weight..bad bad thing..they have more energy bad bad lets go for more walkies..bad thing....they don't go to the beer church as much..bad bad thing.
When I snuggle on the sofa Tbg has lost his Big belly cushion and isnt anywhere near as squishy any more...... I may have to buy him one of those pretend bellies that fathers to be sometimes wear so I can squish up next to him in comfort..or just sit on Twiggs..theres loads of snuggillyness left on that one.