Statues

Ha ha..I have discovered a new game..its called Statues...here's how I play it ...... Twiggs took me for a walk once again I had been duped into thinking it was the park we were going to... ( oooh how this hound really should have learnt her lesson by now !!!! ) anyhoooo it was a beautiful morning and off we went..heading in the direction of the park, all the little school children were about being ferried to school by harassed parents...we crossed the road by the lights and the nice crossing lady patted my head, life was good, was good that is until we walked past the entrance to the park....my heart sank, I looked up at Twiggs who had her " Oh don't worry Nellie were not going to the VETS were having a long walk face on " I kept looking back towards to park to no avail.
I figured I wasn't in pain, I hadn't hurt myself..so that meant only one thing..BOOSTER SHOTS !!!!..well sod that I thought and when Twiggs tried to cross the road...I just stood there like a statue refusing to move in any direction apart from back home........ now I know Twiggs does love me and wont yank at my collar...so she walked me up the road a bit then crossed over....so the next road we got to I did the ole statue thing again..Twiggs was actually pleading with me whilst adopting her famous BUM FACE look..... again she walked up the street and then crossed over and tried to fool me by bringing me the back way into the vets....Ok so I may be one Bonio short of a a packet but I'm not as stupid as I am furry looking...no way...I just put the anchors on and refused to move full stop.....
I was then dragged around the corner...Hurrah I thought I have won , she's given up Oh how stupid can I be, too busy gloating to myself I didn't realise she has brought me around to the main door..........
Mega paralyse...I wasn't playing statues..I couldn't move..I could even look at that door..If I didnt look at the door, then it didn't exist and this wasn't happening to me. The two vet nurses were stood behind the counter with the two receptionist, one of the vet nurses being Emma from next door and they were laughing at Twiggs.....( she had already had all the little school kids and commuters in cars laughing at her already that morning )...Twiggs couldn't pick me up due to the operation she had not long had...then drat......Emma the toe nail lopper came out and put her hands under my mighty fine belly and rudely hoisted me inside.... Great No escape at all now.
I just stood there with the biggest saddest face on looking out of the door with my back to everyone...Then the vet came out and Twiggs led while he pushed my backside into his little room of doggy torture !!!!!!!!
I was poked and prodded ...he even stuck that dreaded needle in me...I was weighed..I really really didnt like Twiggs very much at this point and vowed to eat nasty stuff and leave her a nice big pressie by the back door one morning soon.....

Its Christmas !!!!!!!!!

Christmas was fun....... I can say I really really enjoyed Christmas this year...( well apart from the scolding due to the teddy liberation thinghy...which i refuse to take the blame for....I blame the teddy with the big mouth !!!!!!!!!.
Nanny Cheese came for Christmas...twigs kept saying we were having Nanny Cheese for Christmas....( well i did rather wonder how they were going to fit her in the oven..and WHO...was going to remove the giblets on that old bird !!!!!!!!.....didnt fancy any left overs from that !!!!
She was great fun..... she fed me whisky from that never ending glass of hers..Oh how she laughed until I helped myself leaving dog slobber all over ( and in) the glass...ooohhhh no not so funny then eh ?????
She fed me from the table...amid glares and tuts from the others..of course I had spent weeks mastering the doe eyed look and the look of " yes they always feed from the table,,its ok carry on !!"...... Nom nom nom...sprouts im not fussy at all..although every one smelt the same the night..I swear the air in this house was green that night..I had to lay on my bed sniffing clean air from the floor level...of course I got the blame very time.....even though Nanny Cheese was the main perpetrator....... and she just sat there smiling sweetly.....( unlike the rancid stench sneaking out of her rear end.)...Got my own back the next day when I really had the devil in me...... charging at her trying to play Nanny 10 pin bowling with me as the ball...and trying to eat the sappy faced gorilla off her prized Kipling bag.... ( well it was looking at me with a big soppy grin and making monkey noises and just had to be enliminated........)
I had a new rabbit toy..which still has its squeeker intact despite being slam dunked and thrown up the wall......give me time..the squeeker will die..........
Also I had extra treats...little bowls of nuts left on the table and little wrapped chocolates..well if things are to be left unattended..doggy law states quite clearly that edible ( ok then items deemed edible by us hounds..not you two leggers)such items left unattended for more than 5 minutes are clearly no longer required by you guys and are left for us to devour...so thats what i did...much to twiggs amusement- well im not sure if the bum face was a smirk or a grimace..its hard to tell these days)when TBG told her to check my Nellie doodles for bits of foil........mind you I had eaten abig Christmas dinner and had 3 big doodles in the garden...which TBG had left to go hard..and when she bent down to pick them up ...he turned the outside light off.... she turned the air blue when she came charging back in and caught everone laughing......and no she didnt check for foil.......
Christmas was good..despite the silly head wear...all I need now is for that home made Christmas pudding to fall out of the fridge into my bowl and my christmas will be complete x

Teddy Liberation Army

Hurrah...it must be nearly christmas...the obvious signs being they have put the tree up....no tantrums this year, which I admit I was dissapointed with..its great to watch Ole Bumface crinkle those lips up as she gets wound up and starts throwing baubles about !!
Twiggs keeps disapearing upstairs to wrap gifts ( mine I hope..... although I havent told her what I want yet...as long as its rippable or edible..im not really too fussed, I know theres NO change of me getting next doors cat, so im not going to get my hopes up too much).
The Albino Emo has already had her gift....I havent a clue what it is...I think it could very well be edible..I havent seen it yet but it lives in a tank in her room ( poor thing, I wouldnt want to go in there, let alone live in that stinky room... Its called Phil from what I gather and eats crickets....which I dont think the Emo one likes very much...... I think she should donate the Phil thing to me for christmas...although she says it runs very fast....( ahem....so can I when I chooose to you know)...for all I know it could be a road runner up there...as I said best of luck to it sharing a room with the Ablino one.......
The reindeer rug has come out again and I have not had chance to lay opn it yet or beat it up as they have moved the room around.... mainly to stop me running full pelt into the room and jumping on the sofa and headbutting the window all the time..so Twiggs has put it on the beanbag under the telly where I cant get at it.....however...... The Alino Emo was given a cute little xmassy teddy cpmplete with santa hat that lives under the tree.... I am NOT allowed near it...but it keeps calling my name when no one else is around, telling me it wants to play and doesnt like it stuck under the tree....... so I have to make sure the coast is clear sneak into the room and very very quietly stick my stealthly snout under the tree and liberate him...some times he is very good and comes quietly other times he wiggles and I have to throw him in the air and slam him to the ground to shush him up. Then one of the grumpy ones will come and get all angry and shouty with me and waggle him in front of me and tell me off... ( its not even as if the Emo ones want it..shes 14 ...TOO OLD FOR TEDDIES...and I am only 7 after all) then they put him under the tree again..where he keep laughing at me and begging me to free him.......

Enforced Doggy A. A

Not a happy hound at all........ My name sake Nel/ Helen/ Nanny Cheese has fallen and broken her shoulder ( she says she was sober- but you know it was lunch time and she had been shopping..and there was wine in those shopping bags!!!!! im not insinuating..just stating facts).. anyways my life has been thrown into doggy turmoil ... As Twiggs and Tbg are caring for her..life is hetic to say the least TBG is staying with her and coming home for meals and clean washing etc- see twiggs ..HE IS TREATING THIS PLACE LIKE A HOTEL- Twiggs is cooking for her etc...anyway while they are running about after her I am not getting any cheese when I visit... as these two bozo's dont think to cut me any up... and she cant weld a knife at the moment..so I lay on her sofa willing her to go and open the fridge door so I can blooming well go and help myself before I slip into the crevices of her sofa never to be seen again as I am that skinny from lack of cheese .... They are not going to the beer church either due to looking after her...... so i havent seen land lady cheese for what feels like an eternety...no bowls of cheese...no pots of beer slops..ITS NOT FAIR...... They put my P.J's on as I am shivering as they think I am cold....yes I am cold... COLD TURKEY..... Just for your infromation I am home all day so if anyone wants to post me some cheese or a bottle of stout please feel free.

chuffin chuff chuff

Oh it seems I am in TBG's bad books.. he hasn't told me exactly..but I know, oh boy do i know about it alright...he seems to have adopted Twiggs bumface stance..what did I do.. nothing that's all.. or at least nothing I had control over anyway.
Tbg wlked me to the station to meet mardy pants Twiggs off the train or so I thought that was the plan, as I had just been fed, he had spent 30 mins staring vacantly into the fridge the another 30 minutes flicking through the tv channels at what Twiggs calls man saddo porn..... which I think means programs such as Hows its made, mythbusters etc and the Twiggs stomp outta the room all time favourite..only fools and horses... so it must have been Twigg's home time..so off we trot towards the station when "Oh my " my tummy started rumbling and I knew I would have to make a Nellie doodle.. but of course I have to find the right spot even if my sphincter is contracting... IT HAS TO BE THE RIGHT SPOT......... so anyway, spot found, bowels emptied....... Old saddo picked it up again and put in a special bag..and off we trot very very fast... didn't understand what the hurry was, I thought maybe he needed a TBG doodle we were going that fast towards the station .............
I heard him mutter those rude rude words again.. but not in code like they use around the Albino Emo- proper rude words...
How was I to know that The Tornado... the first Steam train built in the modern day times was coming through the station and old sad pants wanted to cop a look at it... and all because "This Bloody Hound needed a pooh.. " he missed it ...just saw the back coaches going through the station... so its my fault now... and it didn't help that Twiggs saw it and told him he was a sad train spotting old git... next time I will hold it in and wait until the other train spotters are just about to take pictures and uncouple one of my own on the platform

Sprinkles

We have just come back from a holiday from wettest Wales in the Damper van... It rained and rained and these bozo's moaned that it rained so much...do they not learn from past experiences ???? ( me if some thing upsets me..I just dont do that thing again.....- even if they try to bribe me - no they just keep going to the same place every year and maoning about the wet weather !!!! ?)
The Abino Emo was on fine form she didnt disterb my sleep at all thanks to the joys of a net book and an ipod thingy...she even managed to get bed hogger Twiggs to sleep in the tent with her..which ment Oh Joy..I got to sleep with TBG all on my own in the damper van...fab..loads of room and no one waking me in the night due to the fact they cant hold it in and need a wee-wee...now I get shouted at if i wake every one due to needing a wee..and if i should wee in the house i get shouted at...whats that all about then ????
We did lots of walking...ho-hum..but for every long walk i did I got treated to an ice cream.. however what did i get for walking half way up snowdon ? A flake ? Sprinkles ? Strawberry sauce ? No the smae old plain ice cream.. i do feel hard done by, especially as they made me sit on top of the open top double decker bus on the way to Mount Snowdon.. Big deal I hear you say..but have you ever seen a greyhound get down the stairs on a double decker ? No..?... picture the scene.. my rump passed me and reached the bottom before me ..... I think I should at least have gotten sprinkles for that.

Foiled again

I have been rumbled...............every night when they decide its time for their bed time I am shooed into the garden for a tinkle.....even if i don't want or need one and they wont leave me alone until I do..... and then when I come back in I get a nice rather tasty bit of cheese for my troubles then I am tucked into bed and given a big kiss goodnight........I have given up holding my breath for a bedtime story -
Any way as I don't always need a tinkle or as its cold out side I and I don't like being left in the cold I have taken to running behind the wall and pretending to have one...... then running back in to gobble the cheese...which in all fairness isnt really deceitful as I dont need to go and they dont need to know I haven't gone ..everyone is happy........
Except for last night when I was just hanging about counting to 20 waiting to spring back in when I had this feeling I was being watched...............I looked up and yes indeed TBG and my eyes met....his narrowed, mine widened and yup I wet myself on command ( well not quite..but it was a lot easier to perform after being caught !!!)
and I still got my cheese......... must try and be more cunning....