Retired Greyhound: Walk around

Rushki's

2011-09-19T15:03:00.003+01:00

So he has decided to come home then..... so no big good bye, a cuddle for ole bum face and a pat on the head for me- hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, rather the wrong way round me thinks.
TBG has just been to Russia ( I would say wher- but i cant spell it ( its not like he's a spy or summat and I cant say- the lummox isnt that clever !! )
So anyhooo I was left at home with the mardy one and the smelly one- JOY.
Twiggs seems to think my name is.. Getoutofthe kitchen and forcrapssakegetoutbeforeispillsummatoneyouGETOUTOUTOUT..... not a very nice name..I was only seeing if the cheese fairy had left anything for me- its not my fault they have a long galley kitchen is it ????
She took me for walks ( joy I must remember to put her on my xmas list for that, especially a big thanks for the walk in the rain !!)
The smelly one ( was Emo, then emoooooo - emotional cow- then pinkmoo- for the pink hair) Now she has green hair- a bit like Grotbags, so I shall call her the Smelly one as she would seem to take more baths than me, but doesnt seem to use soap somehow... Anyway the smelly one has taken over the dining room which is my domain, she takes over my sofa ( yes the one I had for my birthday) then has the cheek to moan when I sit next to her and Blow Nellie kisses with my bottom :) and she gets really annoyed when I stick my snout in front ofher lap top screen to have a gander what her and her stinky mates are putting on twitter/facebook/bebooooo and stuff.... amazing when they see one another they grunt and dont really speak then rush home to " Chat" on line all night.. I really like butting the screen and leaving Nellie snot on it :)
So i was left with these two bundles of joy all week wondering where the heck TBG had got to.... then ah-ha I knew he was due back as Twiggs was no longer cooking cabbage and broccoli but a proper meal and actually doing house work and making The Smelly one clear her stuff up.
Later than said and one burnt dinner ( probably tasted better) later.. TBG is home- HURRRAAAH ! mad wags and face licks all round- i know not very dignified but hey I was over come in case he'd brought me some duty free Bonios or summat... No nothing !!! No even one of those cool Rushski hats with the furry ear flaps... as well at least he's brought him self home to rescue me from a life of boredom with the mardy ones.. i LOVE YOU TBG x x xx

Make My Own NellieCache

2011-09-19T14:13:00.002+01:00

As you may have gathered..I am not really too keen on this Nelliecaching thinghy they have been up to- by all means those two fools can go out on their bikes ( that reminds me Twiggs needs a new wide load sticker for her arse- I pity the poor road user stuck behind that mountainous glob of lard she calls her bottom)..
They drag me out saying " Ooooh look shes all excited and barky and happy, Oh look she wants to come.. no its more the fact I am happy they are going out and will leave this 45 MPH couch potato at home to snooze..the only time I get excited is when I know they are going to the beer church and I can snaffle for porky puffs etc.
So I do the whole running off and hiding at my bed looking at the wall - i don't have peripheral vison so if i cant see them they don't exist.. ITS NOT A GAME !!!! It means I dont want to go out and traipse for hours playing neardy hide and seek with a clown that hasnt written the clues down correctly- thus meaning lots of hanging about and bum faces from Twiggs.....

I have thought how ever of sneaking out and making my own Nellie Cache which involves a trip to local joke shop to buy some fake doggy do-do...( or I could just leave one of my own ( Like TBG does to bake off and form a skin) then be gluing this to a top of a Tupperware container and burying the container with just the do-do sticking out amongst some leaves... Hmmmmmmmmmm i wonder if anyone would ever find it ????

GPS ( Greyhound Peeing System)- Nelliecaching

2011-08-13T14:58:00.001+01:00

TBG has purchased a GPS as he has gotten into Geocaching- described as a Treasure hunt -looking for Tupperware using Million dollar equipment. We call it Nelliecaching as I always get dragged along * whoop-whoop* ( that was sarcasm- in case you missed that).

Who needs to pinpoint where you are when you have me ??????
Every time we go on a walk I always have at least a zillion wee-wee's along the way- so if we did get lost- I would know the way back using Greyhound Peeing System- simple really.
Anyway this involves TBG sitting for yonks on his lap top looking at Nelliecaching sites then transferring the details to his little black book.... then choosing where to go.
I am dragged along - yes dragged.. some of these places I am most certain he could use the car for..but Oh no Captain beefy legs has to walk everywhere.
Pinkmoo was given control of The GPS - meaning she got to hold my lead- as if TBG would give up his new toy !!!!!!!.
So anyway we walk walk walk walk- then yup walk some more looking at its toy until we sort of get to the right spot maybe ( well with in 200 meters !) then out comes the black book with the clues on , for example Behind a tree- DUH, we are in a freaking forest- this may take some time then !!!!!!) so on this instance in the rain we are hunting for the cache hidden behind a tree in a forest in the rain.. Twiggs & pinkmoo grow weary after unearthing several worms, dead badgers and sleeping tramps- Oh no Ole Bear Grylls is well into it all and keeps getting the book of clues out in case the clue has magically changed since last time twiggs had to drag it out of the knapsack - word of warning when on laptop looking it up please check to make sure you have written the clues down correctly or that the cache has been maintained and not in need of replacing etc..or the next nellie cache may be a 6foot 4 bald Brummie buried in the woods under a dead badger

Yup ...its Wales again

2011-08-13T14:37:00.002+01:00

Yep... the house is in disarray...the camping gear is spread everywhere..... Twiggs is twitching like Billy-o at the mess, TBG is fretting about The Emo ( now to be called Pinkmoo as its dyed its hair bright pink- or so i am told- she still smells the same
* Ewwwwwww*)fretting about how much stuff Pinkmoo and Twiggs plan to take with them as the Damper van was sold last year........and will he get it all in the car ? He did suggest taking small amounts and washing as they went- I think the look Twiggs gave him soon put paid to that......
Quite sad aboutThe Damper van going as it means less floor space for me to loll on and I will have to sit next to stinky Pinkmoo on the journey ( the bonus being..she ALWAYS has food :)

I thought it impolite to ask as to where we were going- well its obvious really- bloomin Wales & not nice flat south Wales either..North Wales- land of the mountains...If I was meant to climb mountains I would be a billy-goat not a sleepy ole Greyhound..........

Journey there was O.K I had my holiday hat on- although really in hind sight it should have been a sou'wester and maybes an oilskin too or just a wetsuit- judging by previous years.
And I only broke wind once- not bad going for me.
They got the tent up in record time and twiggs only got the bum face on once- although these days its hard to tell whens shes not got it on ( well she is knocking on a bit). I claimed my room and my bed first which is only polite after all I am the youngest...... It did happen to be TBG and Twiggs room - hey I wasn't going in Pinkmoos room, give me some credit please.....
We had sunshine- I did consider ringing the Guinness book of records as we had been there over two hours and had NO rain... ....... We headed off to town- I didnt mind walking , its only two miles, its down hill and thats where the Ice cream man lives..nom nom nom... rains coats around their waists off we set with TBG wanting a pint and to try his GPS out.......

Cluck..cluck...

2010-09-14T20:13:00.005+01:00

All good things come to those who wait.................

Tgb, Twiggs, Gimoo and I have all been on holiday to Wales in the trusty VW Damper Van...and indeed once again Wales was damp.. ( I very nearly had a nasty case of trench foot) Every year they go to the same place- dont get me wrong , i love holidays and I love Rhyns camp site ( well who wouldnt with it being a working SHEEP farm :)- but come on guys use a bit of imagination when it come to picking holidays.
Now I am not moaning because its Snowdonia and they make me walk every where, yes walk every where...for those of you who didnt understand that...I said WALK EVERY WHERE...Holiday...my soggy left foot..holidays are supposed to be relaxing and a time for snoozing etc...... Not with these dopes.....
The upside was being allowed to have an ice cream every day..oh yes and once again, no flake and no sauce..but hey-ho beggars cant be choosers ... and it was was funny to watch Gimoo's face when i was brought one and she wasnt... ( Hey im only 8- and the baby here, shes 15- she can buy her own, plus they love me more ,ok )

The sleeping arrangement were great Twiggs and TBG made a rather comfy mattress for me ( ok I lay on their legs and listened to them moan about it all the time )which was fab.....well it was fab until the tent gave into the rain..and we were nearly washed away...that must of been agony for Gimoo - water actually touching her skin.
So we had to go and buy a new tent...... hurrah..much bigger than the last one.
I sat in the damper van and watched them put up the new said tent in a pouring gale whilst Gimoo tried to hold on to the old tent..think if her feet were not so very huge and kept her grounded she would have been whisked off by a tenty type hot air balloon whent the gusts of wind came.. TBG and Twiggs laughed till twiggs nearly wet herself at Gimoos squeals coming from inside the ravanged tent.... I was sniggering like mutley in the safety of the van ......
Ellie Pup and The osbournes set up camp with us on day 4, which was great and Ellies dad took me to the sea side and I was allowed to run free on the beach...Hurrahhhhhhhh... ok so it was raining and windy and I didnt get A) A donkey ride or B) candy floss...but I did eye up some seaguls who flew off like big scardey cats the minute I was unleashed..that was lovelly.. I felt like Forest Gump running and running - well for about 5 minutes until I was pooped out.

They let me off for a run on the space in the camp site.
Gimoo, TBG and Twigs all possistioned themselves so they could catch me in case I decided to run away - ahem..run away ? me no think so, I have it made here, anyway off I went... I ran behind a tent mid circle, full on yomp- mouth wide open and |"bumped" into one of the campsite free range chickens who had escaped... " Opps ! " I rescued it from behind the tent where it could of hurt its self on the tent pegs..so I did the decent thing and as my mouth was open already I scooped it up and brought it out to safety.. and THEY SHOUTED AT ME !!!!!!!
Drop it Nellie..I thought Twiggs was going to pass out...
So I did and it ran away, so I picked it up again, this time you see worried about Gimoo squishing it with those giant feet of hers, and again they shouted at me.
TBG made me spit it out and dragged me off to the damper van, whilst Twiggs was examining the said chicken for bite marks ( as if....... )
They seem to have mistaken the chickens god almighty swalking .....It was really thanking me for saving from potential danger.... Honest

Birthday Queen

2010-07-07T19:30:00.003+01:00

Whoop-whoop...it was my birthday..." Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeee ....! " TBG and Twiggs had very kindly brought me variety of squeekedy-deekey toys which to kill...( may i add now for the record it is not at all funny to hide squeaky toys under my bed....so I jump out of my fur when diving into bed....ever !!!!! ).
The Abino Emo.....who is now a Ginger Emo..or Gimoo.... so many redheads mask the red in their hair..not this loon she is a proper carrot top by choice..even now weeks after the did that awful thing to herself I will find my self running into the room and stopping dead in my tracks thinking there is a stranger in the room and getting all unnecessary thinking I have a new victim to stroke and fawn over me....then I realise its her ---- only because its glued to its laptop while lounging on the sofa. ( Yes the sofa I am NOT allowed on ).
I do wonder if the Gimoo and I are related as we are both equally lazy, hungry and great at shedding hair everywhere.
Anyway Gimoo very kindly brought me some lovely pigs ears ( only because I suspect as she knew Twiggs would be greeting them later having been recycled into a big sloppy Nellie doodle :)

Well everyone went to work and I felt a wee bit sad as Twiggs Always books the day off for Gimoo's birthday...I was a little hurt as I know she loves me more than Ole Carroty top yet she'd gone to work and left me.

" Sigh "

When later in the day Twiggs and TBG came home with the bestest ever pressie ever for me...a sofa for the dining room .... no more hard floors for me.." Whoop-whoop"
Well I was just so happy I couldn't believe they had brought me such a great gift, even if Twiggs did cover it in more throws than they have in Habitat.
Its great I can spread out and see directly into the kitchen and being higher up I can see whats on the work surfaces. Lay there all comfy with my eyes boring into whoever is cooking in there ready to pounce should anything fall onto the floor.
I lie on my bed just waiting and watching and if anyone should sit on my sofa....then its fair game...I will run across the room and jump on them and demand a fuss..this is the price you pay for using MY sofa.
Twiggs says its not mine..and belongs to every one.....
i know though that its mine all mine all mine...... would have been a nice touch if they had gift wrapped it though.....

Stop Milking It

2010-04-26T09:58:00.002+01:00

Twiggs had dissapeared for a few days...didnt know where she had gone ? All I knew was that suddenly TBG & The Albino Emo were suddendly eating much nicer food then dissapearing to " Visit ?" in the evenings....
Then Twiggs came home hurrah..turns out she had been held captive in this big building surrounded by a massive car park..I know this as I went in the VW Camper to pick her up when the realeased her...... well she still looked the same, a bit frailer and she sure smelt funny..but it was still Twiggs..
We got her hiome and I really dont know if they have been giving her injections of the Greyhound gene but boy oh boy she sure slept a lot, she slept more than me..which takes some beating !!!!
We had lots of cuddles on the sofa as thats all she did was lay on the sofa with a big blankie over her, which I managed to weedle my way under many times and have a hug and a much with the feeble one....
Talk about role reversal..Twiggs sat on her big fat bum all day while TBG hoovered ( well in a fashion) and cooked all the meals and picked up all the Nellie Doodles I left in the garden..he did the washing....The ironing..well that pile got so big I was a wee bit concerned that if it toppled over on me it would suffocate me .
Nanny Glen came to visit and did all the ironing..then the next lot TBG tried his best until Twiggs offered to pay The Albino Emo to do it all......that was fun to watch !!!!!!
Well 6 weeks on the novelty is wearing off as she is still at home interupting my sleep patterns, clattering about in the kitchen...to which of course I just have to go and investigate..just in case something should happen to fall into my food bowl....How is a hound supposed to sleep 24/7 with her making a noise ?????
And the worst of it is ...she keeps taking me out for walks..as walking is good for her they say.....yes for her maybe, not for me......
As much as I love her I do wish she would go back to work or go shopping or anything to leave me alone to sleep...........

Statues

2010-04-26T09:34:00.002+01:00

Ha ha..I have discovered a new game..its called Statues...here's how I play it ...... Twiggs took me for a walk once again I had been duped into thinking it was the park we were going to... ( oooh how this hound really should have learnt her lesson by now !!!! ) anyhoooo it was a beautiful morning and off we went..heading in the direction of the park, all the little school children were about being ferried to school by harassed parents...we crossed the road by the lights and the nice crossing lady patted my head, life was good, was good that is until we walked past the entrance to the park....my heart sank, I looked up at Twiggs who had her " Oh don't worry Nellie were not going to the VETS were having a long walk face on " I kept looking back towards to park to no avail.
I figured I wasn't in pain, I hadn't hurt myself..so that meant only one thing..BOOSTER SHOTS !!!!..well sod that I thought and when Twiggs tried to cross the road...I just stood there like a statue refusing to move in any direction apart from back home........ now I know Twiggs does love me and wont yank at my collar...so she walked me up the road a bit then crossed over....so the next road we got to I did the ole statue thing again..Twiggs was actually pleading with me whilst adopting her famous BUM FACE look..... again she walked up the street and then crossed over and tried to fool me by bringing me the back way into the vets....Ok so I may be one Bonio short of a a packet but I'm not as stupid as I am furry looking...no way...I just put the anchors on and refused to move full stop.....
I was then dragged around the corner...Hurrah I thought I have won , she's given up Oh how stupid can I be, too busy gloating to myself I didn't realise she has brought me around to the main door..........
Mega paralyse...I wasn't playing statues..I couldn't move..I could even look at that door..If I didnt look at the door, then it didn't exist and this wasn't happening to me. The two vet nurses were stood behind the counter with the two receptionist, one of the vet nurses being Emma from next door and they were laughing at Twiggs.....( she had already had all the little school kids and commuters in cars laughing at her already that morning )...Twiggs couldn't pick me up due to the operation she had not long had...then drat......Emma the toe nail lopper came out and put her hands under my mighty fine belly and rudely hoisted me inside.... Great No escape at all now.
I just stood there with the biggest saddest face on looking out of the door with my back to everyone...Then the vet came out and Twiggs led while he pushed my backside into his little room of doggy torture !!!!!!!!
I was poked and prodded ...he even stuck that dreaded needle in me...I was weighed..I really really didnt like Twiggs very much at this point and vowed to eat nasty stuff and leave her a nice big pressie by the back door one morning soon.....

Its Christmas !!!!!!!!!

2009-12-28T12:34:00.002Z

Christmas was fun....... I can say I really really enjoyed Christmas this year...( well apart from the scolding due to the teddy liberation thinghy...which i refuse to take the blame for....I blame the teddy with the big mouth !!!!!!!!!.
Nanny Cheese came for Christmas...twigs kept saying we were having Nanny Cheese for Christmas....( well i did rather wonder how they were going to fit her in the oven..and WHO...was going to remove the giblets on that old bird !!!!!!!!.....didnt fancy any left overs from that !!!!
She was great fun..... she fed me whisky from that never ending glass of hers..Oh how she laughed until I helped myself leaving dog slobber all over ( and in) the glass...ooohhhh no not so funny then eh ?????
She fed me from the table...amid glares and tuts from the others..of course I had spent weeks mastering the doe eyed look and the look of " yes they always feed from the table,,its ok carry on !!"...... Nom nom nom...sprouts im not fussy at all..although every one smelt the same the night..I swear the air in this house was green that night..I had to lay on my bed sniffing clean air from the floor level...of course I got the blame very time.....even though Nanny Cheese was the main perpetrator....... and she just sat there smiling sweetly.....( unlike the rancid stench sneaking out of her rear end.)...Got my own back the next day when I really had the devil in me...... charging at her trying to play Nanny 10 pin bowling with me as the ball...and trying to eat the sappy faced gorilla off her prized Kipling bag.... ( well it was looking at me with a big soppy grin and making monkey noises and just had to be enliminated........)
I had a new rabbit toy..which still has its squeeker intact despite being slam dunked and thrown up the wall......give me time..the squeeker will die..........
Also I had extra treats...little bowls of nuts left on the table and little wrapped chocolates..well if things are to be left unattended..doggy law states quite clearly that edible ( ok then items deemed edible by us hounds..not you two leggers)such items left unattended for more than 5 minutes are clearly no longer required by you guys and are left for us to devour...so thats what i did...much to twiggs amusement- well im not sure if the bum face was a smirk or a grimace..its hard to tell these days)when TBG told her to check my Nellie doodles for bits of foil........mind you I had eaten abig Christmas dinner and had 3 big doodles in the garden...which TBG had left to go hard..and when she bent down to pick them up ...he turned the outside light off.... she turned the air blue when she came charging back in and caught everone laughing......and no she didnt check for foil.......
Christmas was good..despite the silly head wear...all I need now is for that home made Christmas pudding to fall out of the fridge into my bowl and my christmas will be complete x

Teddy Liberation Army

2009-12-18T15:28:00.002Z

Hurrah...it must be nearly christmas...the obvious signs being they have put the tree up....no tantrums this year, which I admit I was dissapointed with..its great to watch Ole Bumface crinkle those lips up as she gets wound up and starts throwing baubles about !!
Twiggs keeps disapearing upstairs to wrap gifts ( mine I hope..... although I havent told her what I want yet...as long as its rippable or edible..im not really too fussed, I know theres NO change of me getting next doors cat, so im not going to get my hopes up too much).
The Albino Emo has already had her gift....I havent a clue what it is...I think it could very well be edible..I havent seen it yet but it lives in a tank in her room ( poor thing, I wouldnt want to go in there, let alone live in that stinky room... Its called Phil from what I gather and eats crickets....which I dont think the Emo one likes very much...... I think she should donate the Phil thing to me for christmas...although she says it runs very fast....( ahem....so can I when I chooose to you know)...for all I know it could be a road runner up there...as I said best of luck to it sharing a room with the Ablino one.......
The reindeer rug has come out again and I have not had chance to lay opn it yet or beat it up as they have moved the room around.... mainly to stop me running full pelt into the room and jumping on the sofa and headbutting the window all the time..so Twiggs has put it on the beanbag under the telly where I cant get at it.....however...... The Alino Emo was given a cute little xmassy teddy cpmplete with santa hat that lives under the tree.... I am NOT allowed near it...but it keeps calling my name when no one else is around, telling me it wants to play and doesnt like it stuck under the tree....... so I have to make sure the coast is clear sneak into the room and very very quietly stick my stealthly snout under the tree and liberate him...some times he is very good and comes quietly other times he wiggles and I have to throw him in the air and slam him to the ground to shush him up. Then one of the grumpy ones will come and get all angry and shouty with me and waggle him in front of me and tell me off... ( its not even as if the Emo ones want it..shes 14 ...TOO OLD FOR TEDDIES...and I am only 7 after all) then they put him under the tree again..where he keep laughing at me and begging me to free him.......

Enforced Doggy A. A

2009-10-28T22:32:00.003Z

Not a happy hound at all........ My name sake Nel/ Helen/ Nanny Cheese has fallen and broken her shoulder ( she says she was sober- but you know it was lunch time and she had been shopping..and there was wine in those shopping bags!!!!! im not insinuating..just stating facts).. anyways my life has been thrown into doggy turmoil ... As Twiggs and Tbg are caring for her..life is hetic to say the least TBG is staying with her and coming home for meals and clean washing etc- see twiggs ..HE IS TREATING THIS PLACE LIKE A HOTEL- Twiggs is cooking for her etc...anyway while they are running about after her I am not getting any cheese when I visit... as these two bozo's dont think to cut me any up... and she cant weld a knife at the moment..so I lay on her sofa willing her to go and open the fridge door so I can blooming well go and help myself before I slip into the crevices of her sofa never to be seen again as I am that skinny from lack of cheese .... They are not going to the beer church either due to looking after her...... so i havent seen land lady cheese for what feels like an eternety...no bowls of cheese...no pots of beer slops..ITS NOT FAIR...... They put my P.J's on as I am shivering as they think I am cold....yes I am cold... COLD TURKEY..... Just for your infromation I am home all day so if anyone wants to post me some cheese or a bottle of stout please feel free.

chuffin chuff chuff

2009-10-28T22:07:00.003Z

Oh it seems I am in TBG's bad books.. he hasn't told me exactly..but I know, oh boy do i know about it alright...he seems to have adopted Twiggs bumface stance..what did I do.. nothing that's all.. or at least nothing I had control over anyway.
Tbg wlked me to the station to meet mardy pants Twiggs off the train or so I thought that was the plan, as I had just been fed, he had spent 30 mins staring vacantly into the fridge the another 30 minutes flicking through the tv channels at what Twiggs calls man saddo porn..... which I think means programs such as Hows its made, mythbusters etc and the Twiggs stomp outta the room all time favourite..only fools and horses... so it must have been Twigg's home time..so off we trot towards the station when "Oh my " my tummy started rumbling and I knew I would have to make a Nellie doodle.. but of course I have to find the right spot even if my sphincter is contracting... IT HAS TO BE THE RIGHT SPOT......... so anyway, spot found, bowels emptied....... Old saddo picked it up again and put in a special bag..and off we trot very very fast... didn't understand what the hurry was, I thought maybe he needed a TBG doodle we were going that fast towards the station .............
I heard him mutter those rude rude words again.. but not in code like they use around the Albino Emo- proper rude words...
How was I to know that The Tornado... the first Steam train built in the modern day times was coming through the station and old sad pants wanted to cop a look at it... and all because "This Bloody Hound needed a pooh.. " he missed it ...just saw the back coaches going through the station... so its my fault now... and it didn't help that Twiggs saw it and told him he was a sad train spotting old git... next time I will hold it in and wait until the other train spotters are just about to take pictures and uncouple one of my own on the platform

Sprinkles

2009-09-10T19:12:00.004+01:00

We have just come back from a holiday from wettest Wales in the Damper van... It rained and rained and these bozo's moaned that it rained so much...do they not learn from past experiences ???? ( me if some thing upsets me..I just dont do that thing again.....- even if they try to bribe me - no they just keep going to the same place every year and maoning about the wet weather !!!! ?)
The Abino Emo was on fine form she didnt disterb my sleep at all thanks to the joys of a net book and an ipod thingy...she even managed to get bed hogger Twiggs to sleep in the tent with her..which ment Oh Joy..I got to sleep with TBG all on my own in the damper van...fab..loads of room and no one waking me in the night due to the fact they cant hold it in and need a wee-wee...now I get shouted at if i wake every one due to needing a wee..and if i should wee in the house i get shouted at...whats that all about then ????
We did lots of walking...ho-hum..but for every long walk i did I got treated to an ice cream.. however what did i get for walking half way up snowdon ? A flake ? Sprinkles ? Strawberry sauce ? No the smae old plain ice cream.. i do feel hard done by, especially as they made me sit on top of the open top double decker bus on the way to Mount Snowdon.. Big deal I hear you say..but have you ever seen a greyhound get down the stairs on a double decker ? No..?... picture the scene.. my rump passed me and reached the bottom before me ..... I think I should at least have gotten sprinkles for that.

Foiled again

2009-07-23T17:26:00.004+01:00

I have been rumbled...............every night when they decide its time for their bed time I am shooed into the garden for a tinkle.....even if i don't want or need one and they wont leave me alone until I do..... and then when I come back in I get a nice rather tasty bit of cheese for my troubles then I am tucked into bed and given a big kiss goodnight........I have given up holding my breath for a bedtime story -
Any way as I don't always need a tinkle or as its cold out side I and I don't like being left in the cold I have taken to running behind the wall and pretending to have one...... then running back in to gobble the cheese...which in all fairness isnt really deceitful as I dont need to go and they dont need to know I haven't gone ..everyone is happy........
Except for last night when I was just hanging about counting to 20 waiting to spring back in when I had this feeling I was being watched...............I looked up and yes indeed TBG and my eyes met....his narrowed, mine widened and yup I wet myself on command ( well not quite..but it was a lot easier to perform after being caught !!!)
and I still got my cheese......... must try and be more cunning....

New Beer Church

2009-06-10T15:58:00.002+01:00

I must admit my very very bestest ever beer church is the one owned by the Famous Land Lady Cheese and her never ending pots of cheese...two downs sides though...plastic chairs and no Nellie thrones....I cannot or will not hummilate myself by squeezing onto a plastic chair akin to those in pre school nurseries
( SMALL)..also when I went in the other week I nearly had heart failiure..land lady cheese was not there serving ale and stuff..it was Barry her husband..now he knows my passion for cheese..but I dont think he's a soft touch like LLC.....So I did the decent thing and sulked..thankful LLC came in later and produced her bowl of yellowness to my aching tummy..but honsetly I cant take many shocks like that !!!!
Themselves seem to have found a watering hole which involved a walk longer than 2 mins..which I wasnt happy about for starters...its a bit pokey inside..but the ale is good and they have big squishy comfy seats which I promptly divied on ( well it was a window seat..it was comfy..TBG was very embarrased as the landylady was watching me..but she laughed and told me to go for it so I did Nellie style.
The upside is comfy seats downside no cheese..no porky puffs since these two are "Slimming" and there was a yappy jack russell thing keeping me awake at lease at LLC beer church the only other dog is farther Lambs dog Massie who is about 750 in dog years and she leaves me alone ( probally as the blind ole thing cant see me)
So its a quandry..comfy seats or cheese............think I know which will win dont you ?

OOOHHHH look at me Kate Moss

2009-05-20T21:35:00.003+01:00

I am aware that I am of the attractive variety of hound...no its not me being vain ( ha, as if - its inbreed in us Greyhounds..ok in my case I was blessed with more than some)..people often tell me that I am a rather attractive hound and to phrase TBG " Such a pretty girl ....." ( I wont embarrass him buy saying what else he says to me ...........................
I am rather slim and lithe and very graceful ( ok I wont mention about walking into things whilst out for walkies) I would quite easily knock spots off the likes of Kate Moss no contest...
However modest I am about the beauty that has been bestowed upon me...I don't recall telling Twiggs that she could draw me....now shes no Monet..more Bash Street Kids...she has taken to drawing me in cartoon form and making models of me again in cartoon form... I am rather hurt and offended that she has overlooked this graceful model quality that I possess and choose to portray me in the same style as Snoopy or Goofy.....lets hope she gets better and stops making models and drawing like a pre-school child and can refine her work to show me in my true light.......
Either that or I eat her pencil case

Wheres my belly cushion ??????

2009-05-06T13:44:00.005+01:00

Ok the worse swear word I have ever heard is Healthy eating...grrrrr even the thought of it makes me shudder all the way to the very end of my slinky tail.....
Well thats whats happening in our house.........
Gone are all the chances of a spare crisp or chocolate being dropped ( well never ever with Twiggs as shes way too greedy- so no change there then) ready to be hooverd up by yours truly and her amazing vacuuming snout.
No left overs apart from vegetables ( which incidentally much to my disgust are not place immediately in my bowl..no they are put to one side to mixed in with my next meal) nope no chance of any left overs as TBG is always so hungry and never seems to sure when he will get fed next ( now he knows how it feels )
As soon as Twiggs gets in from work TBG meets her at the door and all she hears is " can I have my tea ? Whatsfortea ? IsitKebab ? sayitsKebab please..canihaveteanow please ?..without taking a breath...and she laughs at him..now If I do that ( which I have to admit I do tend to do every night..They dont find that funny.....and I get made to go it the garden and do my kangaroo impersonation ( have a wee-wee)..I dont see her sending upstairs to empty his bladder....Odd that.
They are losing weight..bad bad thing..they have more energy bad bad lets go for more walkies..bad thing....they don't go to the beer church as much..bad bad thing.
When I snuggle on the sofa Tbg has lost his Big belly cushion and isnt anywhere near as squishy any more...... I may have to buy him one of those pretend bellies that fathers to be sometimes wear so I can squish up next to him in comfort..or just sit on Twiggs..theres loads of snuggillyness left on that one.

Lick The Lid Of Life !!!

2009-05-06T13:08:00.003+01:00

Ok so we all know that the big white cuboardy thing belongs to me, no one else but me.That includes every thing in in also ( that is apart from cucumber and those yacky red tomatoey things that belong to Twiggs and that nasty rash cream belonging to the Albino emo who smothers herself in should a single ray of sunshine ever caress the pasty skin that covers that sullen body).
I know that is also where the cow juice lives which I adore, although they have taken to calling it moo moo , cow and bovine stuff and spelling it out M-I-L-K so I dont hound them the minute they open the cavern of loveliness to get it out, but I know what they are on about.
There are lots a good things kept in the Nellie Temple and only once more I wish I had pose able thumbs so i could open that door ( I would only have agood mooch inside and really honestly I wouldn't snaffle everything in there.
Best of all there are YOGURTS !!!!!!
This is amber nectar created for the goddess Nellie...I so love yogurt and its low fat ( well in our house it is) and its full of moo juice and calcium which is superb for my bones......I have a certain brand which I adore most of all as the tub is fat and squat and I am able to get my snout right in there...some times TBG buys huge pots which although I can get my whole head in they scare me as I cant breath once my face is encased in the plastic pot.
Muller lights....licking the lid of life...although I am NOT allowed to lick the lid in case it "Cuts" my big floppy tongue...more like that's TBG's favourite bit.
Cherry that is the best although Twiggs is still sulking as they have withdrawn the chocolate one....maybe one day I may get the change to try that.,,although if its Twiggs that's eating it I doubt very much she would save me any.
Now my Muller addiction has gotten so bad TBG has to sneak it out of the Food tardis, with the yogurt in his pocket and sneak past me....... Now Im really not that silly Ive seen Twiggs and its rather obvious what the bulge in his trousers isnt..so it means its yogurt time ....Hurraaaaahhhhh......... Normally I am rather good and will wait ...but I just cant....which is normally met with " Bugger off nellie".........I wait all twitchy like an addict until its mine all mine ( that's unless he has put in the freezer...which was rather unpleasant the first time I yoinked my nose in the tub...not only did I have frost bite I nearly broke my snout !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I may get Twiggs to write to these yogurt geniuses and request a special Nellie flavoured one...... mmmmmmmmmm cheese ?.... mmmmmmmmmm chicken ?..........beer.....? or next doors cats ???? Maybe we could ask for a multi pack ?

Mind Your Beeswax

2009-04-02T12:41:00.002+01:00

" Sigh....!"

Im being punished yet again, once more for some thing I claim I am not guilty of.....

Twiggs had been shopping and had brought me a new chongy bone home..so after I had run through the house showing each room my new eatible toy..I settled down for some jaw exercises..whilst Twiggs hoovered down stairs........( which took forever)

She had moved lots of stuff around to hoover properly................

Then she started on the upstairs...... I whad a wander out into the garden and upon my return I couldnt seem to locate my new chongy bone..I started to panic a bit in case the dreaded phantom squirrel had snook in and stolen it...... then I spied it hiden behind the little stand thing the phone sits on...so I dragged it out and settled onto the newly vacuumed rug and began to chomp......

Hmmmmmmmm this bone tastes funny and feels sort of waxy in my mouth........ I chobbled a bit more...then a bit more...yes indeed it did taste funny !!!

Horrors It was not my bone I had picked up, I had mistakenly picked up Twigg's ornamental candle..and had chewed it to bits leaving a waxy mound spread all over the rug..a million zillion crumbles everywhere...Oh No what Could I do.....I did the decent thing and went to find my bone pretending nothing had happened...until..

Twiggs came back down stairs and said several rude words that I dont think i have ever heard of before...It was a mistake and how was I to know it was something The Albino emo had brought her and was very speicla

Special..it tasted very nasty to me.

So she has now hoovered ( again) told me off....and is currently trying to break the world record for holding the bumface the longest.....
I am sat on my bed and she has the hoover apart trying to dislodge wax from inside it....... ooooppppps !!

Turn The clocks BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-30T18:52:00.003+01:00

Some one has stolen an hour from me and I am not happy about it at all.
Who has it..it cant just disappear ?

OK...Own Up which Numpty said we have to put the clocks forward ?
I am really really NOT happy about this fact.

I lose an hours sleep.....A WHOLE HOUR !!!!!( Ok so I maybe gained one 6 months ago ( I cant remember as I was asleep at the time)

Horrors..... Yesterday morning Twiggs came plodding down stairs AN HOUR EARLY....got me up for my breakfast..which i dutifully ate then retired back to my bed....An hour early..
I was taken by the pair of them to the park ( which did alarm me as normally when they both drag me out in the direction of the park it means no park but past the park to the vets)
So I had a run in the park....dive bombing the pair of them.....

They had roast pork for lunch ( sulk, sulk I cant have pork..as they say it gives me urban curry, runny Nellie doodles...which isn't a problem for me..more for them trying to scoop it up- they are just so selfish )all was not lost as the Albino Emo snook me finger fulls of gravy off her emptied plate with out Bumface noticing....

Then later as it was " Still so light" they took me for a two hour walk..which really narked me..if I had known I was getting dragged out twice in one day suffering from sleep deprivation...I would not have galloped so much in the park, trying to bowl Twiggs over.............( well I say bowl over but looking at the size of those thighs I think it may take more than my self at 45mph to knock that off balance)

Hmmmmmmmmfffffpp !

A walk in the woods..including the 100000 mile walk to the woods ...-not happy- then TBG was not a happy one when he had to drag me back home..Twiggs did comment that it was like dragging a tired toddler or a sullen teenager along..I wasn't trying to trip him up..I was trying not to fall over with exhaustion...

So this means the nights are lighter, which means longer evening walks, which means not a happy Nellie .
This means brighter mornings with the sunlight waking me up, which means not a happy Nellie
This means the stupid birds will wake up earlier than ever and start their incessant chirping earlier and wake me up, which means not a happy Nellie.

I shall have to invest in some earplugs and a doggy eyemask....and practice that limp again so I am not dragged out as much.........

BRING BACK WINTER...... BRING BACK MY HOUR !!

TBG says NO

2009-03-17T09:23:00.002Z

I was dragged on The Perry Barr RGT walk on Sunday.....which is always good bum sniffing fun and if it wasn't for the fact that I have ( and The Albino Emo one) have to get up so very early ( 10.30 meet up) and the walky in between bit-it would be great.
Its always great to meet up with my fellow hounds and sniff and eat sausages.
Twiggs always falls in love in with several hounds...... HOWEVER this Sunday I was really narked ( believe me if my snout wasn't quite so long I would have done the Twiggs bum face thing)
There was this puppy, Poppy I think IT was called..a ditty brindle thing ( not nice brindle like me, but a wishy washy brindle yellowy thing).
IT I think was about 18 weeks old, IT had a broken leg from where a daft Alsatian had fallen on it...so folks- including Twiggs were all like, " awwwwwwwww, ooohhh poor Sweet little THING"
Twiggs even deserted me and went to fawn all over it and kept looking at TBG all longingly and doe eyed...he kept mouthing words like ... NO way, Bugger off..never ever"
Twiggs kept saying oh its just soooooooo sweet ( and Im not ? ) Oh its so lovely
( and Im not ?) We have room for IT.
Actaully I dont have room for IT...Theres not enough room for me on the sofa...let alone when Twiggs parks her big fat bottom on it and thinks im getting all lovey dovey snuggling up to her....when will she realise I am actually trying to push her off !!!!!!!!!!
We dont have enough toys for IT and I am nOT sharing mine will some thing that will get puppy drool all over it.
Theres not enough room in the camper van for IT...point proven on the way home when I purposely spread out to maximum capacity in the van just to show them how small the van is.
My bed...just its massive, but its massive just for me.
Food, well as you have read previously theres not enough food for me in this house lately let alone a manky puppy.
As its obviously un raced and will never race due to the dog wrestling incident...no doubt it will have lots of energy ( HORRORS) and want lots of walks which no doubt I will have to go on too ( so dont think so)... Plus I know TBG wont want to be walking IT all the time......and two sets of eyes watching them pig out at tea time, two sets of drooling mouths...nope cant see that happening.....
Who wants a rug-rat in the house not me..and certainly not TBG...so for once we agree on something.
Twiggs nearly had to be taken to casualty on the way home as I thought she was going to actually swallow her lips she had sucked them in so much and there was a BIG silence on the way home...apart from the sighing and occasional tutting that is.
well I'd rather have silence any day than an ankle bitter invading MY SPACE

Sweeties

2009-03-17T08:12:00.003Z

Ok I know I am on this enforced diet...and you know that i am not very happy about this....Prior to being starved I could occassionally get SWEETIES off these folks who live in my house.
Tbg loves sweets and still mourning the closure of Woolworths & the best pick a mix ever ever ever...I always said he had the mentallity of a child and when it comes to sweeties its a very close call between him and the Albino Emo one.
Some times they will drop sweets whilst shovelling them into their gapping mouths to which I pounce and gobble them up before they can be hit on the back of the head by the falling candy.
Im not so keen on hard boiled sweets as they hurt my tounge.... sour sweeties really hurt my taste buds- have you seen the size of my tounge.....how many taste buds ????

I like jelly babies and jelly belly beans ( although I always seem to get the manky ones like cappucino and cinnemon ..the really yakky ones no one likes ( or me really)..but dont normally realise they have fooled me with vile flavours till I am mid-chomp....... Nasty !

What I dont like is Space candy ( also knwon as Space dust,Fizz-whizz, popping candy etc etc)
I should have realise something was up when TBG actually offered me some candy and he was smiling at me........ so I trotted over to him and loving licked the suggary candy from his palm..... then all of a sudden " WHAM ! " my mouth exploded.....pop, pop,pop ! There was a mini volcano going off in my mouth and I couldnt stop it, like a million little imps sat on my tounge firing cannon balls...I tried to run about the room shaking my muzzle : But it wouldnt stop........ Nor would Tbg stop laughing.....tears were running down his big stupid face...his shoulders were shaking and he sounded like Mutley on speed.............
That was a very mean and nasty trick to play on me, I couldnt believe he would be quite so mean or what had just happened in my mouth.
I had to try the space candy a few more times just to make sure..........
Twiggs has banned him from bringing it in the house now and has threatened to ring the dudes at the RSPCA.
I think jelly babies are the safest bet from now on ( thats the nearest I will ever get to eating a human )

Lettuce & Stuff ( bleeeruuuugh)

2009-03-16T21:05:00.002Z

Some people have got rather large mouths...and open it when no really cares what drivel is coming out..........especially when they are TALKING ABOUT ME !!!!!!!

Especially when they are calling me portly, rotund, heavy boned....FAT, FAT, FAT !

Yes you know who you are...... do you have no mirrors or scales in your own house...
( NO ???...I wonder why......... Lard arse)..The term Pot- Kettle-Black spring to mind

I am not Fat....I AM RETIRED.........

I am no where near the stage when I am looking at doggy pantie girdles...or little wheeled trolleys in which to transport this huge girth around !!!!

Yes "Mr OOOOHHHHHHHHHHH Thats a Fat greyhound you have there...! " I am more than aware that you have a million lurchers.... ( mongrels) there is a difference : you are a pikey and you poach ( yes I know you call them 'working dogs'- they are not working they are poaching..I used to work...hence earn money..hence I is now RETIRED)
Your poor dogs are out in all weathers, time of day etc chasing rabbits etc, etc..I know all about pikey poaching, lamping, ferreting- netting-etc etc ...Twiggs is part pikey and grew up with this sort of thing....any way your Lurchers are out every day chasing bobtails etc.... no doubt if I was let off the lead and ran round and round further than the confines of the park I would be the Kate moss/skeletor of the greyhound world......... but as I have already mentioned I am R-E-T-I-R-E-D...
I have managed to retain my figure and not gone to pot like Stallone...........
Put me next to twiggs ( Huge bum & thighs) or TBG and I am almost see through I am that skinny in comparison.
Any way thanks to you (" Captain Know it all about greyhounds weight) I am Now on a diet..... I am now also not very happy...they can stick carrots in my food... I wont digest them so they may as well cut out the middle man and save TBG from gagging and just wrap the carrots in a poop bag and throw them away..... My food has been cut back to the bare minimum ( apart from extra stinky veggies...which I will recycle and turn in room odour and share while they are having tea) and what little treats I did have are no more........................ The only thing I have to look forward to is my weekly trip to the beer church to see landlady cheese.....and a dish of cheese which I swear has shrunk in size...that dish did seem mightly small last time......... and trying to trip the Albino Emo up whilst she is carrying food from the kitchen.....
So if I look sad and forlorn..its not a Greyhound thing...Its a me I AM BLOOMING STARVING THING...........................so I will scavenge for food at every oppertunity and will disobey them and go in the kitchen and generally be a morsel monster... Until they give in

New bed...about time

2009-03-09T16:47:00.007Z

These three clowns who live in my house went to Crufts yesterday.. I wasnt invited which to be honest I am rather quite glad about...I went last year ( as ive said before I wasnt entering Crufts to win a prize as thats just like TOTALLY unfair on all the other dogs who put up with years of training and inbreeding) I was helping raise awareness of Greyhounds..showing folks just how darn lovely we are
( especially me)and that we all need homes and how we can enrich your lives..and that we are really really in need of rehoming..it was great last year..but do you realise just how hard it is to lay down for 8 hours being fawned over , petted and stroked..its hard work..took me 2 weeks to recover last year.

I stayed and looked after the house and off they went.
The albino emo dressed up as Homer The Giant Greyhound to try and raise funds and awareness...I think thats job well suited for her..as a) the suit covers her face so she can pull faces and raise those bloomin eyebrows all she wants and no one can see and tell her off & B) She doesnt have to talk in it...which suits her fine as all she normally does is grunt anyway...and I nearly forgot C) it doesnt matter if her hair has gone manky as no one can see it...... I think she acually enjoyed it, dancing, hugging children,,,chasing after what she calls " Fit" boys...there was a hairy moment I am told involving a giant Great Dane who was scared of her...some one told her to get on the floor( to play with it)..to which twiggs nearly passed out thinking the worst....but all was well they made friends..and there was no embarrassment or need for mothers to pull small children away in horror...!!!!!
They brought me a pressie.... a latex piggy...which hoinks....like a honk crossed with a oink..its lovelly and I love oinkers...but Twiggs is worried that it actually looks like a pigglet...that rules out any future farm trips then ......
Any way the point is...THEY BROUGHT ME A NEW BED....... Its massive...I need a ladder to get on it...then I sink into it.....and the best bit is it cost more than the albino emos bed.......
It takes up half the dining room.......Twiggs and TBG are blaming one another for buying it and panicking in case I dont like it...dont like it...I LOVE IT....
Now I have mastered thae art of climbing onto it and not panicking when I think I am sinking into it.Its fantasic...and even better I am so high up not only do I need oxygen I can see what yummies may be on the dining room table...RESULT !!!!!

Barbara Cartland Hound

2009-03-04T17:42:00.003Z

Hurrah, Hurrah how humbled am I ?
A mere hound of hound has been given an award for all of my hard work................. I am astounded to say the least a very kind lady Called Stella http://livingwithinfidelsdiaryofasaluki.blogspot.com/
has very kindly given me a Kreativ Blogger Award... Please note the award is given to me...ME Nelly that is...not Twiggs who only has to type it all up...hence the spelling errors and poor lay out ( I would type it my self but only having paws and claws ( thats when the vet hasnt chopped them all off that is)is a wee bit of a problem so I have to wait until Twiggs can be bothered to get her lardy backside of facebook and spare me the time...
To which I may lounge on my massive bed dictating to her ( Like barbara Cartland)whatching her struggle to type with one finger and her tounge sticking out......

I am such a happy hound at recieving this award....... Thank you very much - if I could smile I would...believe me I have tried to smile, but it looks like I am merley baring my teeth and I get told off......( or I get threatened with a doggy asbo)....... So Stella inside my heart is smiling....Thank you

Once you receive the Kreativ Blogger award you’re supposed to pass on the good cheer.Here are the instructions:

1. Copy the award to your site.
2. Link to the person from whom you received the award.
3. Nominate 7 other bloggers. (I could only think of five...sorry)
4. Link to those sites on your blog.
5. Leave a message on the blogs you nominate.
I pass along the good cheer to the following blogs:

1) http://livingwithinfidelsdiaryofasaluki.blogspot.com/
2) http://trainfellows.blogspot.com/
3) http://walkingollie.wordpress.com/
4) http://cautionhasbitten.blogspot.com/
5) http://muttgal.blogspot.com/

Hold The Polish Please

2009-03-01T09:23:00.002Z

I thought it a bit odd that both Tbg & Twiggs were taking me out for a walk together...considering Twiggs had just gotten in from work and normally is chained to the kitchen producing belly filling stuff the moment she gets through the door....
Even odder they took me in the general direction of the park ( OK maybe I led them that way and they didn't moan or berate me like usual)but hang on a moment..we walked straight past the entrance to the park....Hang on a cotton picking moment..we've just walked past the park........... Bugger.
This only means one thing................

THE VETS.......!

Duped again..my heart sank as I mentally went through everything...Boosters...um er..up to date........I felt really good no Ouchy bits or sore tummy.so why was I going to the vets ???????????
I hate that building..it smells really funny and all the animals in there are sick and I always worry as I may catch some sort of fatal slow killing/maiming disease from said sick animals....plus a visit to the vets always without a doubt HURTS !!!!

I did the ole Tail between my legs thing...Tbg cuddled me thinking I was a scardeycat...what I was actually doing was trying to get my tail so far between my legs that it actually covered my mouth and nostrils so I wouldn't have to breathe in all those life threatening germs.( Mental note to self...must do tail stretching exercises................

Oh joy they call my name and I am very gently cajoled into a side room ( gently as in I am sure my claw marks are still embedded into that floor like big doggy tram-tracks).

Ah so it seems these very nice people who lodge with me have booked me in for a manicure..that's fantastic...I do manicures much better than injection or thermometers up my unmentionables !!!!!!!

Or I did do manicures

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm it would seem that i have a few nails that have very long quiks
( the only thing that is quick about me these days)
And it so happened that the first nail to be cut was one of those and it bled.
And bled
And bled
And bled

The veterinary nurse was horrified....TBG tried to put her at ease..- ah-hem what about me..that's my life blood spilling on the floor and I feel ever so faint..
20 minutes I was stuck in that room with bits of wadding and bog roll stuck to my paw trying to stem the flow from where she had tried to amputate my paw.
Eventually to my horror she started to mummify my paw so I could walk home....My heart was thumping in case she made me put one of those big gay silver booties on it....If it came to a choice between wearing one of those home or being taken home by a pack of feral kittens dragging me by my tail..........Pass me the kitten food.

Thankfully no bootie was brought out.
I did have to walk home past all the rush hour traffic queues ..I could see people pointing to me looking sorry for me....So I just looked up at my evil lodgers just so folks would know that they did this to me and looked all doe eyed and sorry for my self.

I will have to learn how to bite my nails

hurraaaahh For Land Lady CHEESE

2009-01-17T19:28:00.002Z

Move over Nanny Cheese........I have a new Love in my life.....LAND LADY CHEESE...."
Its nothing personal you know its just that L.L.C ( Land Lady Cheese) is far more giving when it comes to dishing out the sacred yellow stuff..she doesnt fob me off with 2 chunks and thats me lot !!!!!!!

I'm still a bit wary about the Catholic Beer church ...the thought of all those clickety clicking old ladies let loose with a bingo dabber and a glass of sherry...( ooohh... makes me shudder )..... I no longer stall at the door and refuse to go in...then once dragged inside I do not stand with my back to every one casing the door..ready for my escape...
As L.L.C has cured me...its a miracle !!!!!!!!

Some one tell father Lamb

All for the love of cheese

Im not greedy...........................
its just that when I look in the mirror I can actually see my ribs - well if I breathe in a bit- and that cant be right...and it takes a lot of energy to sleep 23 hours a day...its like hibernation but on a slighty smaller time scale...and have you seen how much bears have to pack away prior to the long sleep ?
Exactly : so agreed I am not greedy...I need a lot of calories ( unlike Twiggs..who needs her jaws wiring)
Now when TBG and Twiggs go out...I know where they are going as the Albino Emo isnt with them..which means she's sleeping at her nans and that pair are sneaking off to the Beer Church..I know they are not going shopping as they are not arguing and Twiggs smells nice.......
So they are not going with out little ole me some.......... L.L.C will miss me if they go in without me...and people always say not " Hello TBG/Twiggs..how are you ? " the first thing they say is " WHERES NELLIE ?"
Every one quite rightly so loves me...
And the raidiators are always on over there unlike at home where TBG is way way too tight to put them on.......
Its like being a film star...
I make my entrance...everyone croons over me
My coat is laid on the floor fur side up by the raidator.
People fawn over me beacause I am so adorable..( ok so it sounds like Im blowing my own trumpet here...but im just stating what folk say)
Then The best bit comes..... :
L.L.C CHOPS ME LITTLE SQUARES OF NELLIE NECTAR ( CHEESE) UP AND PUTS IT IN MY OWN LITTLE DISHY...JUST FOR ME................!!!!!!!!

Thank you for curing me L.L.C
I Love You
x x x x x

P.s : I quite like milk and sausages too

Santa came

2009-01-16T09:37:00.002Z

I think Santy forgave me for opening that one pressie a tad early.....After all I did show remorse)
He brought me a new gift...... They call it " Ducky "... I call him " Martin The Mallard " He honks and is fantastic..... unlike my friend ASBO Hound who killed hers ( yup totally ripped to bits... no amount of sewing could save it and its gone to that big doggy toy place in the sky)..
I havent killed Martin yet.. although I did remove his honk by the end of the day..it was a bit baffling as ducks go Quack ...Matin being male and butch and part Goose Honked...but he honks no more....
I love to chase him and throw him in the air..playing that wonderful game called
" lets see how many of Ole bum faces stuff I can knock off the shelf....)
matin has tuffy fur...supposed to be feathers.......and I love to nibble it and get it every where..twiggs says its a monkey to hoover up...so all the more fun for nibbling it off and grinding into the carpet...the down side is it makes me cough...the first time this happened TBG nearly gave me mouth to mouth till I honked up a wad of fur - very quickly i will admit when I saw him advancing towards me-

They also gave me a mouse..very originally called Mousey..he crinkles and squeeks ..or did squeek..he just crinkles now..hes rather sweet , the only snag is he is rather light and when I throw him he fails to knock stuff off the shelf and has let me down a bit..so have to bite him that extra bit hard just to show him who is the boss.
Santa left many items off the original list I left for him...actually he left every thing off....
I did ask for
A whole cow..cooked
My own sausage/cheese/milk factory
cashmere bedding
Never to be made to go out in the rain/dark/snow/wind/twiglight/hotsun..ever again
Next doors cat gift wrapped.
Talking of gift wrapping.. THEY DID NOT WRAP MY PRESSIES...
Twiggs thought it would give me bad ideas about being able to unwrap stuff...ok youve read the previous Blogs........What happened before was an accident..I have explained !!!

Flipping the Bird

2009-01-16T09:16:00.002Z

Some times , just some times these bozo's who live with me irk me......
It could be any thing like making me go for a walk when I have made it perfectly clear i had no intentions of getting off my bed and really do not like being dragged off it...
Or Twiggs making cheese sarnies and not sharing the cheese with me..instead giving me the ole bum face and barking at me to get out of the kitchen and to stop scavageing..... humfffppphhh !!!!!
Or them laughing at me for falling of the sofa whilst chasing the phantom squirrel in my sleep....
or when my tounge sticks to the carpet or I choke on it
Now down to law of gentics i dont have possable thumbs or fingers...nor can I tell them to go away...... I am a genteel hound and do not growl or snap........
But what I can do is this..........

Step one.......
They laugh at or scold me
Step two.......
I turn my back on them.
Step Three.......
I place my paws out if front of me.
Step Four.......
I lower my head and raise my hind in the air.
Step Five......
I flip my tail high in the air......

THEREFORE I FLIP THEM THE DOGGIE BIRDIE............

However its totally lost on them...they have no idea..they think Im just being stretchly Nellie.......
I know differently.................

Morning Call

2008-12-31T14:50:00.002Z

So we have the Dragon staying..all can't be too bad Tbg and twiggs are still speaking and the dragon hasn't been banished or gaffer taped up and bunged in the cellar yet...
The Dragon is only a teeny tiny person well under a foot shorter than twiggs and half Tbg size..... but goodness me what a lot of noise for one small person ( ah-hem yes if I choose to break wind and share it with you.....I don't care, I really have no shame....and if you are really lucky i will do the stretchy point head down tail and bum in the air...Aim & take fire thing...............I dont care...And If it burns your eyes and makes you gag...shame...you shouldn't have given me the sprouts in the first place) But I WILL NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OTHER PEOPLE GAS EMISSIONS EVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And she snores......takes up the whole sofa so I am squished in between Twiggs & Tbg...while she is sprawled on the other Braying like a donkey in her sleep keeping me awake..........................
Anyway twiggs had the delight of sleeping with her ( I don't think The Dragon liked Twiggs shouting "Quick burglars...Hide !! " and shoving her head under the quilt...when there was a smelly pocket of air waiting for her under the quilt cover)
I get to sleep downstairs with TBG................ I did originally think hurrah cuddles all night...not realising he would be sleeping on a single camp bed with no room for me and watching saddo Telly ( you know...Mythbusters..- yawn-.Water ways...-yawn-.how its made..-yawn-.sad railway programs...all the stuff Twiggs huffs at and makes him change channels......but most of the night he had the telly on keeping me awake......................
M'eh............
So I waited till about 4am when he had drifted off into the land of nod ...deep into the land of dribble on your chin...and pretended I wanted to go out for a wee-wee...............
Then hey as he was awake I thought he may as well fed me my breckie now.......
No
He wouldn't feed me
M'eh.........................
So
I tried the low pitched whine..............
I tried the jumping on him thing...........
I tried dancing about the room...
After half an hour
Just before I wound myself up into a big big barking frenzy
he mutters something
and sucessssssssssssssssssssssss
i have breckie early........
When twiggs gets up though I get the old bumface looks all day as TBG keeps moaning about The Bloody Dog keeping him up all night..............
Actually I think TBG i only kept you awake for 35 minutes.......you kept me awake longer watching stoooopid oldmens telly

Dragon-in- law

2008-12-23T16:13:00.003Z

Har har Christmas is but 2 days away...TBG keeps shaking his head and muttering things a little dog should not hear under his breath.....
I think the reason is because Twiggs has invited her mommy over for christmas...I dunno what her name is Twiggs calls her mommy, Albino emo calls her Nanny..TBG calls her The Dragon...so I am thinking her name is dragon.
I dont think TBG is going to collect her, from what he says I think she is flying here on her broomstick...I wonder how she will manage all pressies riding high on a besum ????
The good thing is Twiggs has to sleep with her due to the lack of bed and I get to sleep with TBG down stairs.HURRAAHHHHHH..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am soo looking forwards to christmas now.....
I wish The Dragon could come to live here so i can snuggle with TBG every night...Dont think he'd like that very much though..( not the snuggley bit the
dragon living with us........
Remeber Tbg a dragon is for life and not just for christmas................

Its CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAS........ !

2008-12-23T15:51:00.002Z

Now now I know its the time of giving and who nicer to give to than me ?
I will really really adore and love you if you should wish to bestow gifts of edible nom-noms upon me and maybe the odd...squeeky toy that I can throw about and ravish.....
But beware................ I may look like I have been dropped from a great height and splatted on the floor..as dead as dean could ever be.....how ever I am watching you always..admittingly with one eye closed...( I can see you wrapping that doggy toy- no matter that you profess its a gift for some ones baby...I know, I know..))
I also have x-ray vision and will know which is my gift no matter how carefully you wrap and disguise it...its canine intuition......
Also when someone gave Twiggs a dog bone shaped pressie and she snook it to the behind the tree.I knew it was ment for me......

I waited, and waited ( until the two legged one had left the room, that is)
And again there I was having a snifty around the tree, just checking the phantom squirrel hadnt snook in the house and was hiding so he could let his mates in when we wernt looking and pinch all the alinbo emos stuff....see how nice I am looking after the silent ones interests !!!!!
Any way a branch flicked me in the eye and whilst I shaking my head to clear my vision - genetics wont allow me to rub my eye with my paw - the bone shaped gift fell into my mouth- yes you heard me IT FELL- and in the process of shaking my head it unwrapped.......now we have been here before and the only thing I could think to do was to destroy the evidence...sadly though wrapping paper and selotape is too chewy to swallow...
TBG caught me and I gave him the ole sad....it wasnt me...I did it accidently on purpose look....( and cowered..not that i have a need to cower..but he's a sucker and it works every time and all was well... x
I will apologise to the red suited one and if he should wish the saddle up the ole reindeers and head to my house I promise i wont open any more gift early ever ever again..unless its an accident.......
Talking of accidents...Twiggs I am ever so sorry about about killing that teddy with the santa hat on...he jumped off the side and was trying to pull my teeth out with his little furry paws when you walked in the room ..we were wrestling....what else could I do ?

Choke-choke

2008-12-15T16:46:00.003Z

Ah-hem...when I am lay on back....giving it my all...legs a flapping..this means I need my belly rubbed...not just a quick pat...Im talking a serious no less than 10 minute belly-full-on attention..... If however during this time I start to cough and splutter...this means..
I am in danger of swallowing my tounge as I forgotten to loll it out and stick it to the carpet.
I am also aware of two things...
1) Do I get up and to uncurl my tounge from my tonsils..to avaoid choking to death ?
Or
2)Do I just lay there in obvillion..in tummy heaven...choking ?

Ok so the answer is normally 2

So in case this senario should happen again please do the following

1) Stop stoking ( we can always carry on where we left off later
2) Make me stand up ( Even if you have to pick me up -or bribe with a sausage....actually just bribe me - I have no pride)
3) Pat my back - remember I said pat not whack or thump
4) Failing that put your fingers in mouth and uncurl my tounge....now the best method is to make sure you have a large block of cheese between your fingers..this will entice the tounge back up.........

Under no circumstances must you laugh or imply that I am a retard.....this will result me being very unhappy and disturbed...so distubed in fact I will lose control of my bladder by the back door while you are asleep..............

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuud !!!!

2008-12-15T16:28:00.003Z

Oh yes, oh yes...the front door has closed and were off...off in the direction of the park ( well thats where I am going twiggs may chooes to follow if she wishes......
Oh lovelly the enclosure is deserted..so Twiggs doesnt have to wait for it to empty, politely refusing to go in when other dogs are running about...even though the owners of said running about dogs are inviting her in so I can play with their dogs......... Twiggs just tells them that I am a shy dog....( more like a rabid biting running machine and Twiggs doesnt want me to flatten and bowl any other small breeds over- I say bring it on...the vets is only around the corner...but no I am like Forrest Gump...A Lone Runner......
Anyhooo we are off....of course I have to spend the first 10 minutes having a meander and a sniff and 60 wee-wee's............then again as mentioned before I have to go up the far corner...furthest away from Twiggs and do a big big two-bagger Nellie doodle ( this way Twiggs has to run like Billy-o to pick it up before I run back through it whilst looping the loop)
1,2 anddddddddddddddd 3 i'm off wind whistling through my ears......"Oh NOOOOOOOO
MUD............. "
Slippppppppppp I cant stop: Im cornering and ive banked over too far and slipped in the mud and im still sliding...and I'm upright and not lost my stride and its back around the ciruit again and its " oh no "i forgot about that patch of mud I have just slipped in and i'm over again....
Now im stood by the bottom gate : i want to go home now...I wasnt built for mud wrestling...
Twiggs is not laughing like I thought she would be ..seeing as I have just fallen over in the dirt......( i think she was worried I may have hurt myself)
But she did ring TBG on the way home and much to my embarassment she told him and them she laughed...........
She wasnt laughing went she got home and saw how dirty I was...( after I tried to wipe the mud off on the rug)
So she washed me and hugged me and gave me traets as I was a wounded( well my pride was-
Down side is Im not allowed off the lead over the park until the mud dries up......

TWIRLY

2008-12-14T08:48:00.004Z

Forget GMT in this house we have Nellie time : Every thing is done by Nellie Time..I say when din-dins time is..If I decide I would like my dinner time to be brought forward to 3pm instead of 5pm ...Thats Nellie time and will involve me shadowing you..trying to trip you up..annoying you in every way I possibily can from jumping on you and slurping your face to looking all sad and pathetic and becomeing a large wiggliy trip hazzard..down to just barking at you...to which the response is " Nellie , you are TWIRLY...!!!- its no where near dinner/ breakfast/sausage/milko time "
TWIRLY ? TWIRLY...what is Twirly when it comes to Nellie time...All I know is it envolves a long wait normally..........................................................

Men & kites

2008-12-12T21:21:00.002Z

"Twiggs, twiggs..me and the albino emo went for a walk up Clent and saw people flying kites and Nellie was really interested and had her space hopper head on...! "enthused TBG when twiggs got home from work...( remember what I said about the greyhound pretend death radar laser ear thing...well thats what was going on...I WAS TRYING TO KILL THE FLYING BIT O CLOTH BEFORE IT FELL ON ME..at NO point was I looking enthusiastic..or like I wanted one )
So thus the week went on with him doing the blokey I want one, I want one thing....
Hummmmmph.....
Oh joy oh joy oh joy...He got one...lucky ole me.....I know it means yet another sunday walk ( whopppie-do -dah) which means Bloomin Clent, which means as soon as I am yanked outta my warm comfy spot in the VW van ( oh yes I now have a soft bed in there thanks to Twiggs being a soft touch) its up hill straight away no warm up...no gentle meander..just calf hurty walking way, listening to Twiggs puff and watching the albino emo actually go another colour other than white or transparent...( bright red)
We find the spot and yes he of engineering background has to do it all correctly..no faffing.....all precise,,,( fred Dibnah has a lot to answer for)...anyhoooo Emo pants is first..Its FREEZING cold and windy too...as it was a cheapo kite it kept nose diving in my direction..I had visions of going to the doggy doctor to to have bits of cloth removed from where it had been impailed in my skull........ Twiggs had to keep walking me round as it was sooooooooooo cold.. ( But the albino emo actually SMILED and I think I heard it laugh....mind you that could have been wind ???)
Then TBG has a go and it all gets really serious..he is actually quite good then again he does have the arm span of a gibbon....the Twiggs says..." Ooohhh look over there its gone awfully dark.." to which we all look and see hell descending in on us in the form of a storm....TBG rolled that kite up quicker than ive seen him eat a super sour bag of pick a mix from Woolies and we legged it...then came the rain and more and more...we were drenched...the the Albino Fell over big style how she didnt slide bum first to bottom of the hill I will never know...her mom was very supportive and laughed like a braying donkey on double expresso..........
I was wet and misreable and it was past dinner time and then as the camper van steamed up we had tpdrive home with the windows down.Brrrrrrrrrrrr......
The kite has not been seen since, but however Twigg's new dusters look mighty familar.

Evil Jack Frost

2008-12-12T18:26:00.003Z

"Oh look its all white and frosty out side..... ooh its all crispy and white..............." Really are not words that inspire me to rouse my furry back side off my big warm snuggilly bed and go for a long long romp ..
Its a shame that TBG cant see that I am laying in bed pretending to be dead FOR A REASON while they all zip and boot up....and its not until my bed ( with little ole mesome)is dragged in to the middle of the room and pulled rudely from underneath me and I am collared up as I fall from my bed ..that I accept grudingly that my fate is a really long walk in the really really cold...
Great they have hats on, they have gloves on, they have scarves on..( ok apart from the Albino emo one...coz its really like uncool and someone see knows may see her and think she really like ummmm un- cool ( actually she's really cool...cool to the point of freezing)..I have my coat on..no hat no gloves, no scarf...Twiggs used to put a scarf on me but TBG wasnt to keen......what about leg warmers ?..have you seen the length of my legs ?...Actually I would like a giant nellie snuggy romper suit..but like a giant electric blankie........oh lovelly..........( not a knitted one though..have you seen wool when its wet ???? a bit of drizzle, my body weight would quadruple and i'd never get home..plus Twiggs would probally vomit..( she has this squeeky wet wool phobia thing going on)
Anyway off we go...im lagging behind with the Albino emo who really doesnt want to be out walking any more than I do.........
Its not too bad once we get to the woods its really rather plesant really...I have to time having a nellie-doodle just right..not too far from the entrance so when I have to do a Urban curry they still have to pick it up but just that too far from the litter bins so they either have to walk back to it or carry it around with them.... At this point I choose NOT to walk with the Albino emo one as with the size of her feet and the fact she is always dragging them she has a tendancy to fall over a lot..and as there is mud and some parts are slippy I walk with TBG..as I dont want her to slip over and land on me or Twiggs to wee on me with her week middle age womans bladder when she is laughing at Albino emo for falling over...TBG is the safest bet by far.
So ok I will admit the walky-walk-walk bit around the woods is good as there are squirrels ( real visable ones, which are distant cousins to the phantom one that lives with us and humans cant see)... I am not allowed to chase them..so I do the greyhound space hopper radar ear killer thing..where I pretend my ears are radars which emit a death beam..to anhillate all squirrels... !!!!!!
I just hate the thought of going out ( unless i know they are going to town or to those horrible places where hounds are not allowed in ..then I demand to be taken..ha ha) I am not agraphobic at all... I is just a hound......

Trick Or Treat ..........

2008-11-02T21:19:00.002Z

I have a "Marmite" relationship with this time of year...
I love it with a passion and loathe it with equal passion...

I love it Because.......

Its dark and rainy and cold out there which now means its not a battle of wills between TBG and myself to get me out of the door for walkies...as he is more reluctant than me to go out in it...and the first sign of me bolting to hide on my bed has him proclaiming to Twiggs..." ah look Its .....................too ,cold/wet/windy/dark/frosty/icy/snowy/fireworky out there & its not fair to drag the poor dog out....ha ha ha ha ha...... which means result...I get to stay in and he gets to sit on the sofa watching yet more Only fools and Horses re-runs of re-runs....its just twiggs I have to be careful of as when she has her bum face on.........and ear-phones on I know theres no way out...and I will have her pulling on the lead and her barking to TBG to push my bum to get me out of the house.......
Some days I would so love to bite her.......

I love leaves...big piles of leaves I like to walk through them...jump on them in case theres a phantom squirrel hiding inside them........... Twiggs used to love to run through them kicking them up in the air....but now shes old and grumpy she worries however about kicking hidden Dog Toffee in the air..................

I love Halloween....I love sweets...I love Jelly Teddies...which just happen to be TBG's favourite also...not too keen on the super sour sweets..or fizz bombs...not since The Albino emo dropped one ( Now I am suprised it didnt get stuck in the back of her hair as it hit her on the back of the head......) and I beat her to it in picking it up off the floor .....................................................mind you I think the spiteful moo took her time and let me pick it up..on purpose to just to see me try and swallow my own snout......and wipe my tounge on the carpet and get carpet burns from trying to wipe the nastiness off......

I also like the darker nights as it helps me sleep as its bed time for at least 23 hours a day now : Great stuff

I hate this time of year because.....................

Nasty horrible fireworks...I believe Bonfire night is 5th November...not every single night from 1st October till the clocks go forward...They make me jump.... they scare me...... They make me nervy...I have a bed made for me under the table in dining room so I can feel all snug and secure ( you know like a mini-anderson shelter !!!!)
Just as I am drifting of to sleep...BANG, BANG no wonder I am so tired for the rest of the year....sleep depravation at its best durring October-november time....you show me a hound who likes fireworks and I will show you one deaf hound........

Trick or treaters...oh yes...banging on the door all night despite Grumpy TBG putting a "bugger off and buy yer own sweeties sign in the window"
How dare they interupt what little sleep I am getting at the moment...then scaring the bayjaysus outta me...all dressed up like mini gouls etc.....I rush to the door to greet who ever has come to visit me and AGGGGHHHHHHH...gets me every time...I really dont know how my heart survives this time of year at all.........................

Then theres TBG calling me in to the kitchen to offer me some sweeties....how my heart swelled for love for that guy...buying me sweeties.......................
until I realised just a fraction too late he has brought me & fed me SPACE DUST..or popping candy..my mouth was crackling and popping I though my ears were going to pop off.........It was like haing a mini fireworks display in my mouth......................... I am so glad that he found it so funny...so Funny in fact twiggs had to slap him on the back after he started to sound like Mutley and then brought on a laughing enduced coughing fit and couldnt breathe...shame she slapped him so hard....

Next time he leaves the jelly teddies un -guarded I shall not eat them or gobble them down...I shall one by one take each one outta the packet and lick it before replacing it back in the packet.

He's Behind You.................

2008-10-15T22:22:00.000+01:00

See, see proooooooooooof thats what this photo is , " PROOF................ !"
Proof that I am not making it up or having another Nellie dream moment.

THE PHANTOM SQUIRREL IS REAL.....

Milk Monitor

2008-10-14T21:35:00.001+01:00

"Milk-o, Milk-o........................! "
Ernie may have very well have been the fastest milk man in the west...he would have needed to be with me fast on his heels......
As I have said before I do not have OCD ; I is a hound, I is a creature of habit....and a new habit has developed in my house...involving the magic white food cuboard- ( The one Tbg comes home from work opens and stands in front of to see if the magic food pixies have made a delivery of any thing exciting while he's been at work and he can quickly stuff in his face before Twiggs shouts at him that she didnt buy those nom nom things to be eaten....... ( ?)

I have noticed that every night Twiggs makes The albino one a hot drink and normally her self one also....which means MILK.......apart from when Emo is being all arty farty and opts for lemon & Honey in her tea - whats that all about then..you only have lemon and honey in cakey bakey things and when you have a croaky sore throat..but come on in tea ????? NO !
Twiggs used to give me powdered milk with weetabix ( until they realised that what was making all the urban curry mess)..when I say powdered milk of course she used to mix it with water for me..even Twiggs isnt that cruel she'd make me use my big long snout like a giant Dib-dab !!
So when I hear the kettle being put on , I know whats coming...then as soon as I hear the magic white cuboard open I spring through off the sofa like Bambi on speed straight to my dish as give it the cute ears up, head on the side thing..which Twiggs thinks is me being rather cute and fetching..actually the ears up and head to the side is me trying the ole telepathy...." put milk in my dish...put milk in my dish....PUT THE MILK IN MY DISH....... ! "
Never failed me yet.......
Yum yum love milk..Tbg moans about all the milk we are using, Twiggs tells him its good for my bones and to stop being a tight arse and a wee drop of milk wont ruin us.
I love having the milk mustache, I try and lick it all off , but then have to give up and stick my bum in the air whilst trying to wipe my mouth on floor...keeping guard with one beady eye that no one tries to tip me over whilst I am in a vunrable posistion........
I reacon the should get a cow ( the bovine as oppossed to the stroppy kind that we get in our house) and keep in the garden so I have milk on tap all day rather than having to wait until nearly bed time.............

Bucket feet

2008-10-09T18:32:00.003+01:00

Oh the shame...the shame.........................

As you know there are two places I will produce a mighty fine Nellie-doodle...

1) Back Garden..Nice comfy back, private : Great

2) The enclosure in the park where I like to do a big runny urban curry in the long grass before taking off on a mad sprint around the field...Long grass is best as it makes Twiggs heave as she trying to get it all up before I bomb back up and skid in it ( you know what they say at the races...always bet on the greyhound that has always just had a dump-coz they is the fastest)

Now we know that TBG is a lazy git and will " leave it - (in the back garden before you all jump on him bemoaning about all the times you have trodden in dog toffee and ended up doing the foot scrape behind you walk up the road).....he leaves it to get a skin on- so its easier to scoop up- ah hem I do solids at home if you dont mind so solid you have to chop it with a stick some days to get it a pooper scoop bag-thank you on or thats what he says...me thinks its so Twiggs will spot it and clean it up, before he remembers to go out and do it...... as I said lazy git...
anyhoos the one day after having veggies in with my tea the previous evening I had left mount everest in the garden and he had forgotten ( Oh dear i didnt realise she done anything were the words he muttered) about it..
So when I spotted the phantom squirrel up the tree I bombed it out side and " YOIKES " straight through it....eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww...........! Bad bad...all four paws- I told you it was a big one....
I wasnt allowed back in the house and was made to have my paws washed in a bucket of water by a heaving Twiggs supporting the biggest bumface I have ever seen in my life......... and she didnt offer a full manicure either

The shame of it all...foiled by my own waste.........

Reverse Psychologythingamujig

2008-10-08T16:01:00.001+01:00

I am a lot of things, which I will quite happily hold my paw up to

for example:
I am...............
1) Lazy
2) Always hungry
3) A cuddle monster
4) A hunter and killer of furry teddies ( especially those with annoying squeeky innards)
5) Deaf, well selective hearing anyway
6) A trip hazzard
7) Narcleptic

The list could go on and on, however there is one thing I am not and thats " STOOOOOOPID"
I fully understand the working of reverse psychology and I am more than aware when these folks in my house use it on me........
For example Twiggs is in the kitchen and contrary to what she says she is not chained to the sink, and she says " Nellie, get out the kitchen "
I know this means " Nellie stay in the kitchen and I will give you something yummy in a moment "
She says " Nellie get your nose off the oven door, you will burn your nose ! " I know this means,
" When you yelp in pain I will give you something yummy to take the hurty away "
She says " Nellie get out from under my feet or I will end up dropping this item I am holding on the floor"
I know she means " opps-a daisy...I seem to accidently on purpose dropped that, ah well Nellie you may as well have it now ! "
So you see when Twiggs says " ohforfourfootsnake get outta da kitchen you bloodydog !!! "
I know she really means , " Nellie you know how much I love you and dont mind tripping over you, you stay right there and something yummy will come your way !!!!!
See I'm not stupid after all.........

Move over bumface

2008-09-17T21:54:00.003+01:00
Camping in the camper van..........hhhmmmm.....nice big bed inside of camper..squishy and comfy..normally I jump in first coz Twiggs is faffing about with Gnat lotion or Gnat bite relief lotion, or counting her Gnat bites....TBG is normally up at the toilet block doing a TBG doodle ....... So firstly Twiggs moans at me cos I am lay in the middle, well excuse me I am a hound I dont know what a middle is, I just do Nellie comfy ..so the quilt is yanked away and I find myself sliding towards the window...then she hoiks her big bottom in taking all the quilt to cover it.
Then Tbg will come and take up more of my room and normally one of them will end up breaking wind and then blaming it on me......( as if )
Then one of them will snore...Twiggs does this weird breathing in and not exhailling thing..I wait with bated breath to see if she gonna breathe out or if shes dead....TBG just sounds like Mutley.
Then theres the starfish thing that Twiggs does - she says its due to siatica- I say its due to too many pies and chunky thighs, which ends up with me squished up by the steering wheel...and pardon me if i dare step outside of the 5 inches I am allocated, they fidget, grunt and smell.

2 whole nights I had to endure this, 2 whole nights : then we had the mother of all thunder storms and Albino Big brave " i like all things dark & scarey" Emo child didnt want to sleep on her own in her tent and Twiggs who really really hates storms volunteered to stay in tent with said emo...and ended up in there for the rest of the holiday.........partly as on that first night we had 6 storms one after the other and it didnt get much better after that......IT WAS FANTASTIC......... me and TBG camping out together..or more importantly me taking up twiggs side of the camper...ha ha ha, and I think TBG enjoyed sleeping with me more and I dont snore or smell as bad as Twiggs or hog the quilt ( much ! ).
Then twiggs is normally awake early due to having a weak bladder and a hike to the toilet block..and she would come and sit in the awning waiting for me and TBG to wake up...ha ha sucker...we'd leave her out there for an hour looking all sad and moonfaced...while we pretended to be alseep all snug....... well she chose to sleep in the tent..The camper is mine all mine......

Dark Nights

2008-09-16T18:13:00.001+01:00
Ha ha ha......
Some people are so funny....... for the record let it be said " I am not scared of the dark !"
I am very much unlike the Albino-Emo-scene-goth -moody teen that lives in this house..who is scared of the toilet / under-the-bed-/hiding on the landing/sitting in the wardrobe monster and has to leave all the lights blaring in case said monster should jump out and actually make it smile !!!
What I am scared of is being Hood-winked like I was last night....
Twiggs dared to dangle the lead in my face...well I was comfy all snug on my duvet and to be honest I was really tired as I had just spent 10 minutes beating the bejayus out of Tony the tiger ( my newly aquired hunting aide...ok its a teddy..but its a dead teddy now)
Any way I am nearly in the land of twitchy paws..and dangle dangle plop my lead is swaying in front of my eyes...what is the woman doing trying to hypnotise me ?
No way hose am I moving so I hide my face in my bed..trying the ole-" I cant see you so you are not there trick ".......it doesnt work !
Then I hear the Magic White thing open ..... And Emo child is rattling the sausage box...I race off my bed and bound into the kitchen all happy and mad-waggy and I get a sausage..nom, nom..life does not get much better than this, firstly I have avoided a walk and secondly I get sausages...then I turn around to go back to bed and Drat !!!!! Ole bum face is stood in the kitchen doorway : coat on lead in hand, I HAVE BEEN TRICKED !!! I cant believe Shannon has taken part in such deceitful behaviour...Ole bum face thinks its really really funny ........
Pah...not happy..so she opens the front door...and I start playing statues and refusing to move...I had an hours walk on sunday...why do i need another one this month ?
Twiggs thinks I dont want to go coz its dark and oh ever so scarey outside...No I just dont want to..Im not being mardy here....but I'm not budging......
So anyway I am forced to go for a walk...so this is where I will be mardy..I go as fast as I can..I am not normally one to pull at all...but I just want it over and done with...so I go as fast as I can listening to bumface wheeze as she tries to keep up...then just as she has gotten into a good pace I stop dead to have a pretend sniff just to really annoy her..and then to annoy even more I wait until we get to the patch of grass by the busy road where there are always lots and lots of cars and spend 10 minutes pretending I am going to do a Nellie Doodle...then romp off again.
Then we are home , i am back in bed all snug and sleepy and bumface is bemoaning to Tbg about me...saying I ran the walk as I was scared of the dark... Tosh !!!!!

Sausage Tree

2008-09-04T15:43:00.003+01:00
We have a sausage producing tree in our garden ...its great !!

May i remind you once more that no matter what these guys who live with me say, I do not have OCD , I am however a creature of habit.
That is unlike TBG who has to check hes locked the back door at least 8 times before he goes out......
As I said I am a hound, a creature of habit..so I cant see what their problem is ?
At the end of the garden- I use the term garden loosly..as 2 strides and its all over for me..we do have two very large and over grown conifers at the bottom, and typical of a mid terrace all the gardens are side to side with low fences ( apart from ours which have been Nellified- to stop me vaulting over them ).
Next door but one is a rented house and although they are no bother ( apart from them playing the drums in their cellar which made the floor boards shake like billy-o- I scarpered unsure if it was an earthquake or Twiggs trying to do aerobics again, both of which are equally terrifying...
TBG soon put a stop to that......)
They do how ever seem to like animals as they have a dog that I have never seen, but boy have I heard it...all day long bark bark bark !!!! I suppose its understandible really as they have 4 adult cats and 12 kittens/young cats.
About 2 weeks ago while I was in the garden producing a mighty fine Nellie doodle I had this horrible feeling I wasnt alone....I looked up and CHRISTMAS !!!
7 pairs of young feline eyes sat on the fence watching me..well I ran up and down tried to break the fence down in my need to play with them..I showed my teeth, I barked till I was hoarse..What did they do ?
They all ran away apart from the Ginger one who ran up one of the conifers.
Ole bumface soon rushed out to see what all the fuss was about and as they had all done a runner by then, I looked like a loon dancing under the tree.
I was told off and made to go indoors to bed and was chastised for thinking the phantom squirrel was up the tree - now i know it wasnt him as hes gone on vacation for a wee while.
Now at every oppertunity I get i am straight up the garden standing guard under that tree waiting for that pesky cat to get tired and fall into my mouth.
Now yes I am aware thats its been 2 weeks and that he would have fallen out by now...but you never know...also one good thing as I am a hound and choose not to answer to my name unless there is food involved, they have taken to keeping bits of sausage in the magic white thing they call a fridge........So,
I run out side
I stand under the tree
I look either all sad and forlorn or have my space hopper ears on.
They call me in,
I ignore them
They call again
I ignore them again
( repeat by 10)
I hear the magic white thing open
I smell sausages
I then come in...............
I eat sausage

Boingy-Boingy

2008-08-17T10:09:00.000+01:00
Use the Foot pump you dozy old sold..your heart cannot take it...!

Like a scene out of Alien this Giant fat orange rabbitty looking thing is getting bigger and bigger...now I know my limits,,and I am NOT taking that on...I choose to stand back and observe ( well lets face it if Twiggs is going to be going bouncy bounce-bounce on it I am NOT going to be involved in any fall out when that thing goes " POP " )........ I stay under the table.....
Mr O goes first..... my goodness for a little fella, he bounces really really high...like a giant flea with orange hemmaroids...
Ellie-pup thinks its a giant bouncy ball and tries to chase/eat/ play with it
TBG and Mr O have a race on theirs..I am glad I am under the table ...thus meaning that other campers who are watching these fools cannot see me !!!!!
TBG is laughing so much he is forgetting to breathe and now sounds like Muttley......
Shandy Bandy - white emo child even cracks a smile when she has a go, then once she realises that no one on the camp site actually knows her and no one will ever know and wont ruin her street cred...theres no stopping her...shes like a ADHD child on blue smarties..trying to run Twiggs down ...mind you with her having Massive feet - she sounds like Pingu when she walks)...she has good leverage and boinnnngs really high......unlike Twiggs who looks like she is bouncing in a hole theres so much weight on top of the poor thing.................
When the children have finnished playing they put ours in the corner of the awning opposite where one of beds is.....then wonder why the hell I wont lay on my bed in the awning on my own.......would you with that grinning mennacingly at you ???????

Here we go again

2008-08-17T09:37:00.000+01:00
I guess its time for us to go camping again...
How do know this ? I hear you ask.........
TBG has
been up and down the cellar stairs getting all the camping gear out, which is a bit of a give away...and its raining and it has been raining for ages and ages now........ i think we need an ark not a vw camper...................and ahhhhh yes and twiggs & Tbg have been having the normal pre holiday bickerings..which normally involve Tbg telling her she has to travell light and not to bring so much stuff...which brings the bum face on straight away and her telling him to get stuffed...and alsoTwiggs cleaning the house like mad so burgulars dont think shes a dirty little madam ...
I dont really have to prepare much...as my servants will make sure they have every thing to pamper me with..all I have to do is save my flatulence up to share with them in the camper on the 3 hour drive...NO PROBLEM !!!!!
And were off...I give them 10 miles before I share the first of many little Nellie Gifts with them...which they TOTALLY over re-act to.. rolling windows down making gagging sounds..honestly they are just so ungreatful at times........ I saved that just for them !

We arrive to wonderful sunshine ( which is very very unusual......) to which Mommies little albino EMO starts slapping on the factor 160 which is like tooth paste giving her this even weirder than normal look..like a giant piece of dairylee with attitude...I try not to be seen with it..but have no choice as we are bannished together to sit under an oak tree to watch the pantomime............TBG & twiggs putting up the awning..
Borring borring..Boo, Hiss...
they didnt argue once- ok maybe a few withering looks and sharp in takes of breath - although I gather from TBG choice of words and him getting redder and redder in the face that there were plenty of rocks underfoot making it hard to bash the tent pegs in....
Ha ha
The white Shiny one was made to get up off her sulky black clad bum and put her own tent up......if she hadnt had over plucked her eye brows to the point of extinction I think she would have raised them that much that TBG whould have threatened to shave them all off any way...............................................................
All that remains is for Twiggs to put the air bed up............ now should I tell her that I am lay on the bung and she can blow to kingdom come but it just aint gonna inflate... Or Not ?

Nanny Cheese

2008-07-24T08:50:00.003+01:00

Oh Nanny Cheese, how I love you so much, i know Nanny Cheese was a bit worried that I was a bit stand-offish with her, I wasnt really, I just had a wee bee in my doggy bonnet as I wasnt allowed on her squishy squashy sofas and had to make do with the hard cold floor.......
No amout of cheesy type bribery could make me happy until I had parked my hairy skinny bottom on those pink velour sofas......every time I went to her house ( oooopps, sorry bungalow-yeah the bungalow with an upstairs..hey I be a hound but I am not totally like stupid...its a house if it has stairs...........any way every time we went there every one would plonk their fat bums on the sofas and poor ole mesome would have to try and get comfy on the FLOOR !!!!.not fair.........
TBG has been getting the camper ready for Happy holidays with the O family, so he's been outside and ive been stuck inside sulking , pinning, moaning about this.............. So Nanny Cheese has ALLOWED ME ON THE SOFA................its only taken over a year, but I got there in the end..and the wait was well worth it, they are so comfy, not leather like ours, which I always much the merriment of others always manage to slide off or get myself scalded for messing the throws Twiggs neatly arranged on them ........ theres nothing like wrestling the throws and seeing if how many knots I can get in them before Twiggs gives me that Bum face looks !!!!
The sofa at Nanny Cheeses house is only a 2 seater and Shannons always sprawled on it so I have to try and push her off, or squeeze on to the arm chairs and make a big fuss about it, making out that its way way too small, huffing and puffing and doing the " how sad am I eye thing" until Nanny Cheese feels sorry for me and makes ole Emo face move her sulky butt and change places with me, so I can sprawl on the 2 seater.......................only 3 snags though..... Emo child then gives me her Moody eyebrow wiggle- "I'm really not happy with you face- which is nearly as bad as the bum face, & Nanny Cheese's chair looks dead snug as it has a leg rest thing that springs up, so i am going to have to hatch a plan how to comander that seat off her and lastly now I have my new sleeping place how can I train Nanny Cheese to bring me cheese and hand feed me while I rest, rather than have to drag my self into the kitchen and do the " Arnt i a good doggy, heres my paw thing ?"

Sleep walking sausage snaffler

2008-07-14T21:02:00.000+01:00

I was doing what I do best...acting as a giant draught excluder, sprawled out along the dining room floor catching up on some z's...The next thing I know I am being yelled at in the " you've been a very very bad doggy sorta way"....... I nearly jumped outa my skin...!!!!!! What has I done now.. ?
Tbg says that I ate the sausages..( what sausages ?)
Tbg says that Twiggs had cooked them and left them on the side to cool so TBG & Shannon could have them cold the next day...bit silly leaving them on the side if you ask me, even if they were pushed right to back of the work surface..I am a canine Giraffe.I can reach where other pooches cannot- Disclaimer, I say I CAN reach, but choose not to as I am a good doggy and do not steal food..OK !!)
Any way TBG says that he heard a noise then it went quiet, then he heard a noise again...and he says he caught me up at the work surface with said banger in my chops , caught in the act of sausage snaffling.....he says that I hadnt eaten them all, but was in the process of slowly and quietly removing them one by one taking them into the dining room and Nom nom nomming them.... now I say If I was doing it I must have been so far into the land of nod...the aroma of cooling pigs lips & arses and offal must have triggered some thing in my subconcious...and I WAS DOING IT IN MY SLEEP........honest I wouldnt steal food , not when I can do the "sad hungry feed me im starving eye thing" also in my defense do you honestly think i could either be quite so sneaky or have enough restraint to take them one by one...No way ! If I was guilty I would have just gone the whole hog and and chobbled them all at once before I was stopped and risked leaving any in the dish...and probally would have broken the dish at the same time ( hey if you are gonna get yelled at you may as well give them a real valid excuse to send you to your bed ( punnishment- sent to my bed ???- oh yeah thats really really punnishment )
So do you believe me ? I was asleep...any way, given a choice- that is if I was awake at the time the crime as such took place: I wouldnt have eaten their sausages as they were Chilli sausages and I know what happens the next day when Ive had too much protein- and now I know what happens if I eat chillied foods- uh-huh...an urban curry, but a stingy Nellie doodle bottom and Twiggs doing a chicken dance while scooping it up ( heaving aplenty)..............................
I was asleep honest.....................

Cats NOM NOM NOM..........

2008-06-30T16:07:00.001+01:00

Next doors cat is a pian in the Doggy butt !!!
It sits on the wall goading me, it constantly poops in the garden the moment my back is turned and it hulks its big fat furry body along the fence like some obese fat feline tight rope walker...........Then it waits until my hackles have risen and I charge into the garden barking until a) I'm hoarse or b) until I am yelled at then it runs off sniggering slyly the way cats do.
Well enough is enough.
The fat little freak didnt realise I was watching it recycling its Kitty Kat onto our yard when I bolted out side......
" Yeah-ha....!! " Direct hit .....teeth made contact with fatsos plump backside...furr makes a great sound when being yanked out.................. ( so does chunky-cat !)
Result !!!!!!
Cat minus fur and one of its lives, me all smug and happy, admitingly with vile fluffy kitty fur in between my teeth......................
Mind you the monster is still pooping the garden............. when I get hold of it next time it will be an involuntry bowl excavation !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stair Gate

2008-06-30T15:43:00.000+01:00
We have a baby stair gate in our house......this is to stop me from going up the stairs so they say..
Now why would I wish to break my legs going up those really really steep stairs ?
Reasons not to go up stairs !!!!
1) Shannon lives up there, with her loud music going thump thump thump ..... how would I sleep with that racket going on ?
2) Twiggs gets changed up stairs, now ive seen her in her under ware and its not really some thing I would like to view on a daily basis, gosh i'd never sleep with images like that in my head !
3) The bath room /toilet is up there and ive smelt what the TBG has delt.. enough said..
4) The kitchen is down here
5) food is down here
6) The t.v is down here
7) My bed/sofa are down here.
8) Next doors cat is in the garden ( sometimes) down here.
Reasons to Go up stairs
1) when twiggs brings them breckie in bed
2) The big bed up there......( mind you I'd have to scrap that idea as Twiggs sleeps like a star fish and I cant imagine i'd have too much room......
So thats one reason.........
So they may as well take the stair gate off as I have no desire to go up there really..mind its funny to watch twiggs struggle through it with the hoover, so may be they should leave it for now..........

I hate Balloons

2008-06-13T21:02:00.002+01:00
Ha ha very funny : TBG had a birthday and Twiggs blew up the balloons, now bearing in mind I was brought up in kennels and not a childrens tea party : Hence I dont know what balloons are !!!!!!!
Oh yes its fun to wiggle these big brightly coloured orb things in my face and wind me up like a clock work mouse !!!!!
And you seem to think its funny to let me play with them and giggle your heads off wincing ,waiting for that almighty pop and watching me jump out of my bloomin skin...wondering what the blooming hell had just happened
" Oh my goodness my toy has just exploded !!!!" me thought...actually it was more like " WTF !!!!...run hide shake"
Ok you have had your fun...I gather you had fun by the fact TBG was on his knees howling with laughter and Twiggs had tears and snot running down her face and was doing the shoulders going up and down...Im laughing so hard Im forgetting to breath type laughter !!!
Remember revenge is sweet and I have all day to lay on my bed thinking about it.................

Sleep Over

2008-06-03T15:34:00.003+01:00
Ellie-pup has come for a sleep over !!!! No one told me.... I think these folks were a bit worried how I would be as Ive not been that great lately ( been a bit shy )

Mr O's car pulled up and he got out and I was so excited as my bestest friend had come ( Ellie pup not Mr O...although he is pretty cool himself ! ) to play....

It was great to see her, she doesnt limp so much now since herlumpybumpyremoval op. She was looking good for someone of her years- Mrs O says Ellie pups not old..and we get told off if we call her old.... and Mrs O gives us THE LOOK which is a sterner version of THE BUMFACE.....
We had a great time : We walked Ellie up to the woods and all around them , where she jumped in the water and became SWAMPY DONKEY, I was lurred into the water, which only came up to my ankles..............which in Ellies case is nearly submerged due to her lack of stature.
We also took Ellie on her first train ride ( On a proper steam train -yawn, yawn)..she did well, I am so very glad she didnt hang out of the window like she does in the car !!!!!! ( or that Mr O didnt also)
We had a long long walk along the river, which was I note a grumpy 4 miles....... me and Ellie vote to stay at home next time...we will look after the house and keep the beds warm.
It was great to have a sleep over and see every one again...even if it was tiring..and Ellie pup got bitten by a beastie in the woods...and went All John Merrick for a couple of days....
Please come back soon, I miss you all x x x x x xx

Making Nom noms

2008-06-03T15:12:00.000+01:00

We made some nom noms at home : much better than shop brought ones and much much more fun too !!!!!!!!
As soon as Twiggs open the packet I could smell something and had to bound into the kitchen to assist Shannon and Twiggs with the baking !!! You have to bear in mind the kitchen is long and narrow and theres not a great deal of room...but they soon moved up and made room for me.. must have been my cute appealing eyes, nothing at all to do with me nudging them at all ...!!!!!
It was great Shannon couldnt lick the bowl out..mind you given half the chance I think she would have " Done a Nellie" :i.e had a crafty lick when no one was looking !!!
There was flour every where and Shannon wery kindly let me stir the mix with my big sloppy tounge..and she let me lick the mix off her fingers ( ah-hem ...sorry about nibbling your fingers Shannon..but it was sooooooo nommy !) Shannon you rock !!!!!!! Even if Twiggs was being a grump muttering on about raw mix being bad for my belly- now thats just selfish, its fine for my belly thank you very much; its just not fine for you to be scooping up urban curry the next day ( urban curry so Mr O tells me is the same as a nellie Doodle or dog toffee, but runny....... the sort you see in the streets after you have slipped in it !!).
20 minutes of angony followed while the house was filled with the delicous aroma of doggy biscuits..... yes Twiggs I am aware that the oven is a hot-burny place but they are my cookis and if I want to stand in front of the door with my nose getting hotter pressing up against the glass..I will- well we dont want the phantom squirrel coming in and whisking them away while I am not looking !!!!!!
Then I had to wait while they cooled...ha ha ha very funny: they had made Nellie Doodle shaped ones too....I am not complaining..they are lovelly but Twiggs tells me they are to be rationed too...i will have to tell her to check the shelf life on them !!!!
Yum yum !

Happy Birthday !!!!!

2008-05-30T08:25:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday to me, happy Birthday to me....Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeee......!!!
Hurrah its my birthday..well no its not really...I was born in May..but these fools dont know what date, so they have chosen the date when they first clapped eyes on my bootiful face to celebrate the day that the lord made this world a better place but gracing it with my presence !!!
The day started with lots of belly rubs and kisses..then a long long walk along the canal ( now hang on a mo, i thought the birthday girl should have chosen what she did on her birthday, and this birthday girl would have chosen to spend the day snuggled up on her big cosy bed after being given breakfast in said bed consisting of sausages and cheese and next doors cat !!)
But no those who hold the leash drag me out..At least the canal is great..lots of wild life to look at..lots of horrid.. Canadian geese to hiss and do the scary wing flappy thing at me -i was only looking at the baby iccle geesey thingys I wasnt going to eat one..honest.
Lots and lots of bargys boat things out which is annoying as you have to smile at them and wave and there were loads...Twiggs must have been exhausted by the end lifting those bingo wings waving like a fruitloop !!!!- even better when the lock broke and people were queuing up to get through to find out that the canal was then blocked by a falling tree..
Well we stopped at a quaint little coffee shop where I had my birthday pressie...very nice hand made doggy biscuit bone things, which were nice...TBG smoothered them in hot choclate froth- thankfully as they were so hard..I nearly broke my teeth..needed the moisture..I dont think they do doggy dentures.... They were nice...Then the rain started...oh joy not only a long walk, but a long walk home in the rain.... Boo-hoo !
The day before they had taken me on the steam train ( o.k it was a weekend birthday celebration..and I had some beer..nom nom nom some treats then slept all the way home..No i wasnt drunk like they were suggesting..I was snug, full belly ( beer and nom nom's) and the movement of the train lulled me into a snorring slumber..very nice..apart from the little tykes in the compartment behind me..noisy or what..I think all kids under the age of 6 should be made to wear gags and straight jackets in public......
When we got home they opened a bottle of pink champers ( no they are are not posh folks- it was a gift from Sam and Monty the hansome greyhound..and they had saved it for my birthday but didnt share it with me..greedy oinks !!!
And then I slept and slept and slept of course that was after I had beaten Murtle the turtle and Erwin the croc-o-gator up for forgetting my special day !!!!
Perfect...............

How Much Longer ????

2008-05-25T08:12:00.002+01:00
Ok, I love my humans very very much............but I also love to sleep- its what i do best , I think we have established this fact ok )
When these guys to work, I have a routine which involves making a nest in my bed and playing statues with myself ( Ok for all of you who never had a childhood- Bit like TBG who was born old and is getting mopre child like as he get on in years, or so Twiggs says so..anyway at childrens parties they play a game called Statues where you have to stop when the music stops and stay as still as a statue.well I play this but I have adapted it....ie theres no music and just me and I have to stay still all day................................... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz school..
But Twiggs is so selfish..she has upset my Zen training by having nearly 4 weeks off work.
TBG said she had to have an operation.... well she dissapeared for a couple of hours and TBG came back and was pacing the floor ( which normally means she has gone shopping)..any way he brought her home all floppy and she just lay on the sofa saying ( opps sorry SLURRING) random odd things then falling asleep , mouth agape drool attatching her to the pillow- I get told off for pillow licking..actually watching her was like watching TBG coming back from the beer church, but minus the kebab.
I think TBG was supposed to be looking after her, but he just laughed and took photos of big floppy Twiggs when she was asleep..then he drank beer.Bad nursey TBG !!!!!
Anyway, she is off work and its upsetting my routine..wasnt to bad at first when she couldnt move about..but now it moves and I have to follow it in case it should fill my bowl while Im not looking..and I am tired..and it takes me for walks..fair enough not massive great big long walks..but walks when I should be alseep..and shes cunning she wont chase me with the collar like TBG and then let me off when I hide..she harnesses me up while I am asleep...not fair...
I love Twiggs, But I also love sleep.Twiggs I am sure your hurts are all mended now..please go back to work and give me back my routine x x x x x x x

Bath Time

2008-05-12T10:37:00.001+01:00
They made me have a bath : does washing my lady bits in front of the telly while TBG is having tea not make me clean enough...NO so they say !!!!
I was lured under false pretences to Nanny Nels house, all excited and happy as nanny Nels proper name is Nanny Cheese as she has an endless supply of cheese and puts milk in my water to coax me to drink...
So I was all happy and waggy to see Nanny Cheese, when horrors I allowed in the bathroom ( which is down stairs as she lives in a bunaglow- which I think means all on one level, which is a bit stoopid as Nanny Cheese has bedrooms upstairs ????? TBG says its a Dorma Bungalow..I says its a house........
Never been in a bathroom before and to be honest, dont think I will be quite so keen in future either as I was sniffing the big white thing and TBG scoops me up and plonks me in it...puts loads of water on me shampoohey ( yes spelt right) bubbly stuff on me, makes me look like a poodle and then hoses me off.......they seem to think the whole thing is very funny giggling and tittering...well I wasnt laughing much..... Nor was nanny Cheese once they released me and I ran into her front room and belly wiped my sodden fur all over her best rug over and over again.
Nanny Cheese did give me lots of cheese as a reward for being such a brave doggy- Get real, its not as if I really had much say in the matter really was it ????
Any way TBG has brought me a paddling pool, which he very kindly blew up with his own lung power- without passing out-did go a bit puce though !
I think he's having a laugh, I will look at it, maybe even sniff at it when no one is around to accidently on purpose push me in , walk around it -taking a very very wide berth..but I will not go in it...if he thinks its so great why doesnt he sit in it........... May do a Big Nellie-Doodle in it when he's not looking just so he gets the hint !!!!

Wheres my Flake ?

2008-05-12T10:28:00.001+01:00

TBG brought me my first ice-cream ( well Ellie-pup & Ollie are allowed them )
It was a seriously great nom nom............
Now the day before I will admit I had TBG go into town and buy me a tub of low fat ice cream and a paddling pool....... the ice cream was put in my bowl which was mighty good, but nowhere near as yummy as eating it from the cone...( think its all to do with being hand-fed)
I was very very dainty licking it nicely and nibbling at the cornet - bit bland would be nicer if cornets were bacon flavoured- but hey it was food and im not knocking that, just making an observation-
I didnt get the dreaded brain freeze that shannon moans about - see i dont chobble-
Nor however did I get a flake, any sauce or any of those sugary bits they put on............

Oliie :The super sausage snaffler

2008-05-12T10:12:00.001+01:00
I met Ollie yesterday, he is a very happy 5 year old Lab.. ( think the folks he owns, should not allow him any more e-numbers, as I think he has AHD as he was a bit of a wriggler- a happy wriggly chap though)
Ollie had come along last year and won a competition for the quickest hound to snaffle sausages - good job i wasnt here last year-think I would have given him a serious run for his money-his prize for sausage snaffling was more sausages, to which he halved the record again when gobbling those...RESPECT TO OLLIE !!!!!! that is one amazing dog.
Ollie took his human into the Most appealing eyes round, think they must have gotten mixed up as Ollie took 2nd place ( think if they had wafted a plate of bangers in front of him, he would have looked most appealing and won...! )
Ollie also took his human into the sporting round, but Ollie couldnt keep still and had to leave the ring for a bit ( nothing to do with me whispering that there was a bloke giving free ice-creams to the first hound to leave the ring...honest !!!)
Ollie likes ice cream, looks like he likes it, dont think he actually tastes it by the way the little gannet wolfed it down..but respect to him again as he managed 2 whole ice creams and the half that shannon left .
Think he was disapointed that there were no sausages this year, not half as disapointed as me though.........................

Human Show

2008-05-12T09:36:00.002+01:00

..
I Entered TBG into a human show.....( dont laugh, every one deserves a chance).
Forest Dog rescue were holding a Human show yesterday, and as the weather was just so beautiful, I decided to enter him, at least I think it was a human show as loads of canines had dragged the varied assortment of odd balls they owned out to enter ( now can i just say, that yes i am aware that it was hot yesterday, very hot but please please my canine readers, I know the humans you own come in all shapes and sizes and no one is perfect,( well looks at twiggs) but please, please make them cover up, it nearly put my off lunch seeing all those wibbily wobbly bits all hanging out on display, getting redder and redder in the hot sun ! )
I entered TBG in the sporting section.... i know its quite funny really, but give the guy a chance...he says he is sporty, that he used to play an odd game called Rugby ( ?) - an a long long time ago looking at him, anyway he says it involved chasing a ball around a field ( how sad and pathetic can you get, ball chasing - I so dont think so ??) Ive seen it on the telly- when twiggs is at work and TBG is supposed to be doing " stuff-around-the-house-type-things"..all it looks like is a massive punch up and how to get your nose broken and monkey ears reshaped like fat flat pancakes..oh yeah I forgot he does the old mountain biking thingy so i suppose he must be sort of sporty......
He was well behaved in the Judges ring and didnt doodle or bite anyone...
WOULD YOU BELIVE IT TBG CAME SECOND ?????????
Mind you in all fairness, I do think that I helped a lot as I kept giving the judge my really really sad please give the poor lad a chance look...then when he had to run to show how sporty he was I did the Greyhound touch all your paws together run to really make him gallop..
I am very very proud.
I did think about entering Twiggs in to the prettiest bitch section ( only because there wasnt a grumpy or biggest bum face one) but shes just getting over her operation and couldnt move about too much.so we left her sat in her chair under a tree like an old grannie.....

Learning to read

2008-05-07T06:04:00.002+01:00
Oh no, oh, oh, no, yet again I find myself in the doghouse and ole bum face , giving me the " get on your bloomin bed and bloomin well bloomin bloomin stay there eyes eyes and big pinched lips....... and what have I done you may ask ? Oh yes just exactly what is it I am supposed to have done now ?... tell me is it such a crime to wish to better ones self / to wish to improve ones education, well I am telling you that it this house you would think it was a major crime.....

Ok now think back to the accident that I had with the present ...... similar sort of thing - remember if you would please, I dont have any fingers !!!!!!!!

Shannon had left a book on the ottomanwoodtypethingthatnoonesknowswhattocall, and the picture on the front looked ace, really really interesting, so I thought I would investigate and see if the were any more pictures inside.. couldnt see any piccies but lots and lots of big words, I got really really engrosed in this book- before you judge me, I mean it was interesting in an intullectual sort of way not a rip and tear way... OK !!!!
But oooo-oh i got absorbed buy this book and agian remember no fingers, my little nail must have caught one of the page whilst I was turning it and I accidently ripped it ( OH GOODNESS ME) so I tried the stickydown with my tounge thingy- which yes I will accept was very remiss of me after last time, but I was in a panic ( after all it was Shannons book and you know what they say - like mother like daughter, i didnt want a junior bumface looming over me also !!!! )
Yes yes ok so you can guess the rest, i accidently managed to rip the front cover and several pages off and then had to rip them into tiny tiny bits to try and eat the evidence- but i dont have much of an appetite for paper...so ha..ha ! brainwave Twiggs had brought a 3 pack of kitchen roll which she had put in the kitchen...maybe if I opened that and scattered that every where the teeth-in-the-book thing would go unoticed..Tried that...will admit the best fun I have had in yonks !!!!
Then I felt really really guilty and lay on bed ...tumming turning, -see I do know the difference between right and wrong -oh yes and also that accidents will happen..
Any how when Twiggs came home I barked and barked at her to try and distract her from the mess..........................didnt work.....................
Am currently lay on my bed deflecting evil death stares which keep coming way ( im not allowed to have my tea yet and i am hungry- next time I should remember to swallow the paper)

Chongy Bones

2008-04-30T19:23:00.002+01:00
Ohhhhhhhh, I just love chongy bones ( ok to you who dont know what they are, they are strips of hide formed in to bone shapes, knots etc etc - ok its probally pig skin, who cares they are nom nom nom )
I get really excited when twiggs comes back from shopping on her day off laiden with carrier bags and have to promptly shove my snout into each bag as I know she will always buy me one on her day off.!
Some times she is cruel and pretends she hasnt brought me one and starts unloading the bags while I lay on the floor looking all sad and huffing out loud.
Then " Ta-da ! " she will pull one out of no where like a magician- Now i'd rather she was a magician and pulled a rabbit outta a hat for me, but beggars cant be choosers.
I am so over come- sorry just cant help it that i will knock her over in the attempt to Give Paw then promptly run off in the other room to show the front room what i have, then into the dining room , then into the kitchen so all rooms can see my lovelly new gift !!!!!
Then run around and around dancing with doggy happiness.
Now there is a knack to eating chongy bones, you have to lick them excessively to get them soggy so you can get a really good chomp going on, now the best thing ever to get your own back for all the times you have been told to " get outta da kitchen" is to get them really really soggy and whilst you look like you are having a really good nom nom session , you are really grinding the bone into the carpet , leaving a big wet slimy wet patch... which will take forever and a day to remove, that really annoys Twiggs.
Once you have chewed for a while you have to leave it in places where people will trip over it, or step on it in bare feet ( tut, tut, Shannon has to wear slippers, so should they ) to which they will exclaim something I cant understand, but im sure its flemmish for " Oh deary me I should really put slippers on and be more careful " sounds a bit like "ohforfourfootsnakenellie"
You can chew chunks of it off and then pretend you are choking on it, by coughing and retching like crazy that normally makes them panic big style, ( make sure they are in the same room as you otherwise its not quite so dramatic- even better wait until they are eating their tea) and then just as they are about to put their fingers in your mouth you gob it out like a big wet dead albino frog onto their bare feet.........
They come in all shapes, I quite the ring ones as I can run about like mad with it in my mouth like a giant hupla ring, and not worry about smacking on the door jam as I run about - nearly got whiplash last time...dont see the point in the boot shape ones..... thats just teaching bad habits.

Rynys campsite

2008-04-28T16:58:00.004+01:00

I love camping ; Its Great, especially at Rynys camp site !
No chavy/pikey trouble makers are allowed, Mrs Rynys keeps a tight ship.
She is more of a womble than me, her camp site is spotless...There are bins every where, normal bins, recycling bins all sorts of bins, inluding the has-beens I go with.
Twiggs, Tbg , Mrs & Mr O ( the folks owned by Ellie-pup normally meet up and have a great time, especially when they sit up drinking and scoffing, playing Spot the Womble- which is a game to see how many times Mrs Rynys will empty the bins in an hour..the way you play it is to run up to the bin and noisly put something in it and then wait for her to come and empty it, as soon as she has done that you repeat several times...until the beer levels are well topped up and the you just daringly rattle the lid, run and hide wait for her to come to empty it, trying not to wet your self when you see the puzzled look on her face at seeing an empty bin..... childish yes, but TBG and Mr O think its really really funny.
Lots of people visit year after year as its so nice there, Jo-Jo doesnt come any more though- mind you Jo-jo was harmless enough, apart from his daily toilet habits, to which his owner would loudly shout " Jo-Jo time for job-job, come on Jo-Jo, job-job!, now by all means its good to train us hounds to have good toilet habits, but announcing it to all and sundry while they are having their morning brew and cornflakes is another thing !!!! - its a bit like TBG shouting across the campsite that twiggs has her " i cant pooh in a public place now Im egg-bound type thing & would she care to take a stick to the toilet with her !!"
Mr & Mrs O have the biggest pitch I have set eyes on, its bigger than our house !
Mind you it needs to be as Mrs O takes about 4 suitcases of stuff just for her ( no I am not jesting here)..Its massive, along with the camper van full ,of stuff too.... and Mr O's stuff ( and we know Mr O sleeps in the rudy-nudy- so its not jimmy jams he's bringing- like how hard is that ? freezing cold outside and him all naked under canvas....oh I forgot they bring fan heaters with them !!!..... wow ! ( Tbg is tight..he says Twiggs has to sleep in a sleeping bag this year as a quilt takes up too much room...the ole bum face had surfaced as she sleeps like a star fish and is very restricted in a sleeping bag and normally wakes up and the sleeping bag is upside down and she has a massive panic attack as she thinks she has gone blind as the hood is over her eyes, quite funny really.
Mr & Mrs O tell me that I am safe here and that The Phantom Squirrel wouldnt dare follow me here as A) He hasnt a welsh passport and B) Mr Rynys has been spotted hanging out of his bedroom window eliminating the local squirrel population with his big farmer type gun !!!!!
It is a working farm so there are lots of sheeps about, sheeps sure are odd, weird eyes, big hair..bit like a 70's pop star... we treat each other with rspect, and also because I have seen the size of their pimps, sorry I mean rams.they are big boys !!
Mr & Mrs Rynys have this 4 wheeler buggy thing they used to empty the bins in the bottom fields, its well cool and their mad collies ride rough shod on the back, me and Ellie pup want a go on the back, but we are scared of the collies ( well I am Ellie pups not scared of anything ), collies are mad, they have way too much bounce for me all they want to do is run and play and round the sheeps up,they exhaust me just watching them, Mrs Rynys had one once called I Bite, bit of an odd name for a dog I thought but thats what it said on its kennel and I wasnt going to argue.
Rhyns is great as its near to every where, you can drive into town or walk or catch the bus, the views from the campsite are fantastic,the facilities are great everyone is friendly and Mr & Mrs Rynys are really warm and welcoming....its the best,!!!!!

Crufts

2008-04-27T19:23:00.000+01:00

I went to Crufts recently, no I wasnt competing : Thats just unfair on the other dogs !!!!
It was one of my " Working Days" , I was there by invitation from The Retired Greyhound Trust, to show how lovelly, gentle, loving, loyal,lazy we all are and what good pets we make and how we adapt to life with you humans after years of being racing machines.
It was great every one wanted to just stroke us and love us and feed us doggy-woggy treats ( I dont care what name you want to give them as long as they end up in my bellykins ).
I met some hounds I had not met before...the bizzare Willow, who wasnt really Bizzare it was just that Willow would smile on demand...now I will admit Ihave been trying this but my top lip is just not strong enough and I end up looking like ive a hare-lip.
Mind you Twiggs has taught me how to Give Paw recently, so I am not stupid, actaully no I am not as I picked it up by the second go, but didnt let onto Twiggs, just let her keep.."training me.with dog treats...ha ha ha !!!!
I have never seen such an odd assortment of people. Now I though that the canine world had some funny looking varieties of the spiecies, but honestly that motley lot at crufts really took the biscuit !!!!!!.
Honest some were out and out FROOTLOOPS and shouldnt have been allowed out ( especially not on their own )
Shannon dressed up as a giant greyhound called Homer and walked around the arena ( after Mrs Tina was in danger of over heating) trying to raise funds for the RGT...but people were soo stingy and shannon even danced too !!!! ( and the giant dog head messed her emo/goth/scene type hair up.that should have been worth at least £100)
One stall holder very kindly donated two bags of his yummy hand made liver brownies and gourmet dog treats for the kennel hounds......very very kind but incidently, I didnt even get a sniff of them let alone a lick.................
Crufts was great, but also very very tiring; its hard work being worshiped all day, it interfered with my nap pattern and I was exhausted for days afterwards !

Dog Toffee

2008-04-27T18:27:00.001+01:00

Do you know what Dog Toffee is ? You should, I do.
Mine can vary depending on what cack I have eaten, if I overdose on sardines or Twiggs gives me too much broccoli or veggies, it can be rather unpleasant...( thats when TBG leaves it in the garden to " Form A Skin" in the vain hope Twiggs will do the honours !!!)
Some times if I am feeling rather generous I will leave them a double bagger helping of Nellie Doodle Dog Toffee ( Ie too much to fit in one bag so they have to go back in the house and get another bag.....) Or if I am out walking I will pretent I want to just to wind them up.
Now I think people who dont pick up any Toffee that the dog they are with should drop are BAAAAAAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If caught they should be made to pick it up with bare hands ( and any other toffee with-in a 1 mile radius weither or not it has been manufactured by thier dog or not).
That should soon make it habit forming for them to clear up.
The amount of times a hound has pooped out side our front gate ( Now this normally starts in late Sept when the nights start drawing in and dog walkers think they can get away with it as its dark) any way one of these Bozo's who lives with me normally doesnt spot it and ends up smearing through the down stairs until..its quickly smelt and noticed & made Twiggs vomit and make up new curse wwords while she is cleaning it up.
Even my special place in the park - where I am allowed to run free-is not sacred, its like an explosion in a toffee factory some days.
Do they have lolly sticks for dogs to allow us to scrape the offending cac-cac out of our paws ? - No....How am I supposed to wipe my paws ? What if i was to skid when mid-mad pelt round the field moment-and fall in it ??????? OMG !!!!! I know some hounds like to purposedly roll in sheep do-do, but imagine the horror of having to walk home from the park covered in recycled dog chow ?????

Nellie- cat

2008-04-25T19:41:00.002+01:00
Although from my point of view I am a hound, through and through, those clowns that I live with are convince I am some sort of genetic mutant greyhound feline hybrid.
They are convinced that I am part feline for several unfounded reasons :

1) I love sardines & fish ( and TBG doesnt like a bit of battered cod with his chips ?)
2) I like to sit on your lap, ok I dont exactly sit on your lap as such as I am too big for that-apart from Twiggs who due to the size of her thunderous thighs has a huge lap. When I am lying on the sofa I use who ever is sat next to me as a giant Nellie cushion,as its not exactlly a big squishy squashy sofa.
3) I purr- well excuse me, I do not purr its a Nellie snore- and yes I do it with or with out my eyes closed, its due to the length of my neck & muzzle and having such a huge tounge..thank you very much, so it most certainly is not a Purr, yup its a Nellie snore and any one who says other wise will be sued for slander.
4) Snoozing in the sunshine- look I have no fat, I am like a giant reptile I store the heat that I absorb for when tightwad TBG turns the central heating off- that is until Twiggs notices and puts it back on.
5) I arch my back like a kitty when I am having a stretch, well blow me down...I am like 15 foot long you know, if I could get my legs above my head I would strech like tbg...although I would refrain from the acompanying scratching of the man bits !
6) I am very undemanding like a cat, i am not in your face, fuss me fuss me all the time, If I wish to be fussed I will allow you to do so and if I dont I will ignore you and walk away.
Ok I dont bury my Nellie Doodles, my tounge is not all dry and raspy, I dont find balls of string all that enertaining,I dont walk around showing my brown eye off, I dont go mew mew mew, I go WOOFETY WOOF WOOF !
I AM NOT A CAT, every thing is just conincidental !!!!!!!!

TBG Is A Spotter......

2008-04-21T20:48:00.003+01:00
It is a well known fact that if Twiggs didnt work on the railway we would have never met.
Ok, well Twiggs works on the Railway, if you didnt know her and asked what she did for a living, she would probally lie as people think she's a spotter, ( past occupations she has pretended to have are bin man, sewer unblocker, enemema giver, boil lancer)........... In fact I know that TBG only married her so he could get a free train pass- although when Twiggs is around he will say that it was her beauty and charm that did it, I know it was free choo-choo travel.
The main reason she doesnt tell people is that they start ringing her at home or texting her like she is National Rail enquires.and she looks a bit odd, with out confirming that is a bit weird selling tickets all day- like when she comes home from work after a busy or hard one, TBG has often remarked , " Well how hard can it be selling train Tickets all day ?" , yes he does get the bum face look in return & a dead leg
Now on a sat night Twiggs & TBG get the DMU ( I know what this means, cos I is clever) to Bridgenorth , which means picnic and beer on the chuffer as theres a bar on the train .. I think this is the only reason Twiggs goes on it as normally TBG gets the bumface when he drags Twiggs on it and Twiggs tends to inform him that he is NOT Fred Dibnah and she doesnt believe all this nonsense he gives about the
mechanics etc etc that it is beacause he is the SPOTTER... and a big kid still..................
Anyway as I have mentioned before it was at Bridgenorth they saw the poster about the Greyhound meet & greet and ended up with my wonderful self.
They take me on the train and its great now services are up and running again, although they have to pay for me ( and I am not allowed on the seats.......grrrrrrrrr !) although I did try once and got told off made to lie on the floor- which actually wasnt too bad.
TBG took me to Worcester on a normal train the other day, which was ok, not as nice though as we didnt have our own compartment, and there were loads of noisy teenagers -who all looked the same-making loads of noise and grannies with their millions of shopping bags which I wasnt allowed to have a sniff in as TBG had me on The Short Lead ( he makes the lead like 2cm long so I cant scour the floor for offerings or make a nuisance of myself).
I saw Twiggs at work..it was really funny, people ask the for oddest things like "AHalfSingleReturn."which Twiggs says means One adult and one child day return to brum please.........................................................Or "Wotplatformfordroitwich" which means "Please could you tell me which platform I need to go to in order to catch the next service to droitwich please"
Strange lanuage.............................
Trains are ok, normally there are people on trains which means either food or fuss & attention, which cant be bad

I is a HOUND...................

2008-04-20T17:22:00.001+01:00
Ok lets get this straight,
I am a dog, a canine, a hound , I go woof woof....
Then why do you call every thing else but ?

I am not........
A womble...... ( yes, I agree the noses are the same and yes I scan the floor for lost items & rubbish - admitingly only food items or things that may look edible)

A sloath.............. They dont sleep as much as me & are far more active

Emu......not the real big bird type, but that rather annoying puppety thing that used to live on Rod Hull's arm...... Ok when I am lay on you on the sofa and you stop stroking me, yes I may look up at you and try and ponk you in the face with my snozzle to get your attention...but I DONT HAVE FEATHERS.

A pig............... Im not pink, I dont smell...( well we all have accidents from time to time) and I dont go oink oink...I go Woff, Woof

A dinosaur: .....Yes I may lie still for long periods of time, but it doesnt mean that I am extinct or expired

A Contrary little madam ......dunno what that means.....but I dont do gardening and my name is not Mary ???????

A Pooh Monster : you put the food in my belly, I just recycle it...if you cant handle it change my diet..................

Dandy Daddy long legs : 10 outa 10 for observations on the ole long legs thing, its not as if you could miss em really, but im certainly no dandy ( have you actually sean where I live...ah-em..) And im not a boy so I cant be a daddy -

Emo Dog : Ok lets get this straight , I am not Emo at all, I cant help having a long face.....( weve had this conversation before) also i am not a hormonal, moody-nobody-loves-me teenagers, anyway every one loves me cos I am lovelly, I may turn my back on you , this is because I am tired and want to sleep and dont want you yacking and disturbing me.

Why ?

2008-04-17T20:11:00.000+01:00

Why oh why please explain to me am I awoken every night from my cosy nest upon the sofa, to go to bed ?????????
Why not leave me where I am, I am asleep and not likely to awken until the next morning when my empty tells me that one of those lazy folks upstairs need to fill my bowl/tummy !!!

Why do they try to make me go out for a walk when its really rather obvious that I would rather not ?

Why is it when I want to go out, i cant ? like when I know they are going out for the night - I know I am not allowed cos Twiggs looks half decent, which means its not the normal trip to the beer church, mind you if they are going out for a meal, TBG will come and fetch me after they have eaten - but do they save me anyting-niope !!) If they are going shopping... I will bark and do the run-round-in circles-thing ( normally TBG gives in and takes me, which means he doesnt have to go into the boring shops with Twiggs..tee-hee)

Why is it every time I have an itch, TBG will shreek FLEAS !!!!!!!! when was she last done ????

Why is it I am only allowed on one sofa - and why do I adhere to this ?

Why am I not allowed chocolate , when Shannon still has a glut left over from easter going begging ?

Why is it next doors cat sits on the fence and torments me and poops in my garden when I am not here / -One day I am going to break into his garden and do the biggest stinkiest nellie-doodle outside his back door, see how his owners like it - see how I said his owners and not the people he owns...cats are stooopid)

Why cant I have steak for tea ?

Why do I have so many questions ?
Its because I am such a clever dog and I am like TBG, just beacuse my eyes are closed it doesnt mean I am alseep, I am pondering questions about life etc.............

pilates

2008-04-17T19:47:00.000+01:00
I was born to
A) Sleep
B) Eat
c) Be loved
D) Stretch

I love to stretch, I am a contortionist............. I love to stetch, with my back side in air ( usually pointing in TBG's Face with him saying " Nellie, do you mind ?"- no I dont actually thats why I am doing it )
Some times like people do at yoga classes, I a may accidently stretch too much and "foof !" out one will slip, And I wasnt expecting it too !
Which normally results in me looking perplexed as to where the hell did that noise come from, then looking at TBG as to say and where the heck did that smell come from ???????
I love to yawn too, I will yawn any where even when I am not tired ( yes this is possible you Know)...I even yawn when out walking, stutting down the street then yawny-yawn-yawn...... luckily I havent managed to swallow any flies yet ( unlike one unlucky person whizzing about in the forest on her bike -zonk.....big black fly-right to back of the throat.....gag, gag, gag !!)
Some time I will even wake up to yawn and if I am really lucky I will yawn whilst mid stetch...

L.S.Lowry

2008-04-15T20:53:00.000+01:00
They, as the people I own love L.S.Lowry, now I know why I fit in to this family so well, with my tall lanky legs.
I am a walking Lowry stick dog.
I love to shake my self and make my legs stick out and shake with me, I am amazed I have never lost my balance and fell over.
Being tall is great: It means when I am in the kitchen " Sniffing the breeze" I am snout high to the work surfaces, no i'd never steal anything..( I would only take any thing I thought the phantom squirrel would purlion, like when I was caught with that pizza, they didnt see the phantom squirrel run off, no they only saw me sat there with it in my gob, and persumed I was the guilty one, typical they didnt see the battle I had with the phantom squirrel, I was only rescuing it !!!!!)
Being lanky also has disadvantages too, like how to sit, with out giving yourself a black eye with your knee caps, or how to get really comfy on the sofa with 12 foot of gangly legs to tuck under you - mind you I think I have nearly perfected that now !
Or how to get over or under a style whilst out walking ; with out the embarrasment of a certain Mr O, ( who is not blessed with great height like my self), picking me up and draping around his neck like a scarf and leaping over the style.........I nearly died !!!!
I like Lowry, I like his style, me thinks he was a Greyhound in a former life.

Oooh Vicar !!!!

2008-04-15T20:11:00.000+01:00
The shame: the embarrasment............
I cant believe she said it !!!!
And I cant believe she told me & TBG about it, I would have kept very quiet about this one !!!!
Twiggs had gone to the shop opposite where she works to get some milk, now its only a smallish shop and she was stood talking to the local vicar who had his bouncy red setter with him, and being a male dog, he was doing what all male dogs do." Sniff, sniff, sniffing " Twigg's lady bit area.........................................................
Twiggs turned to the vicar and said , " Ok, its ok he can smell my Nellie ! " ( GASP ! )
Then went bright red.
Spluttered
Went red some more
Laughed
and said.( with out thinking of course)
" No no no Nellies my dog, thats not what I call my........um...errr........ha ha ha "( nervous, wish the ground would swallow me up type laugh)
Luckily the vicar laughed and must have made a note to cross over the road next time he saw Twiggs coming.
Twiggs will no longer catch the train home, but will be coming home on the short bus in the future.

Mild & Crisps

2008-04-14T19:38:00.002+01:00
Went to the Beer church last night,
didnt moan,
didnt grumble,
just slept nicely like a good little girlie....................
was rewarded with crisps dipped in the froth of the god juice Mild, a bit like doggy communion...nom nom nom very nice, whisker licking nice.
I think I may convert to this new religion...
Beats tap water any day.

Vets Are Evil

2008-04-14T19:04:00.002+01:00
Went to the vets today......there we were me and TBG off for a walk heading in the general direction of the park.....yippeeeeeeeee !!!! - Theres an enclosed area where they let me off without fear of me running off never to be seen again.Its fab I run like a lunatic, zipping about singing " Born Freeeeeeeeeeeeeee !" Giving Twiggs and TBG the twiches as there are trees that I aim for and just manage to avoid. I normally manage about 6 mad darts and a couple of circuits aiming for their legs trying to take one of them out in a hound rugby tackle, before Im either tired or bored and go and stand by the gate at the bottom which means, Ive had enough and need to go home and sleep, not stand at the top of the field shouting me like town criers in the vain hope I will dart back up to you !!!!!!!
Anyway we walked past the entrance to the park which means one thing and one thing only.....THE VETS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did my statue impression at the door, rooted to the spot..dont forget ive not long been to the vets and remember the yowling session..............TBG dragged me inside like an irate mother on a childs first day at school, calm and nice and soothing to me, with untertones of "If I have to carry you in - then so be it !!"
My tail was so far under me it was tickling my nose.
Then we had to wait 30 minutes, 30 minutes of sheer hell and bewilderness at not knowing why the heck I was there, I hadnt hurt myself , i'd had my injections a year ago before I left the kennels..............wait a moment a year ago ?
Oh no
Oh no
Oh no
Oh no
INJECTION TIME !!!!!!!!!!
Easy peasy lemon squeezy
Nothing to it
If they could have given me a sticker for being a brave girl ( like Shannon the emo teenager gets at the dentist--oopps Sorry Shannon, that slipped out) I would have worn it with pride- as long as it didnt catch on my fur like a giant sticking plaster.
TBG was dead proud of me for a) Not yowling, b) Not biting anyone, c) not peeing on the floor....
Walk home went to sleep, got lots of fuss.think I may become a hypocondriac......as opposed to a wimp..................get loads more of attention .................
Ah well I can relax until next year...

Ring Tone

2008-04-13T18:12:00.003+01:00
Great TBG has a new ring tone.....its the same one as they play at greyhound race tracks : like a bugle horn....Which normally indicates that I am ready to chase the Rabbit ( underground chicken)
He thinks he is the bees knees with it.................... I will keep my opinion to myself.
The first time I heard it I was lay on the sofa like a giant filleted dog ( ie: no bones just a pile of fur welded to the sofa), well,I nearly jumped out of my skin !!!!!!!
Still gets me every time..... I still dont find having a heart attack everytime someone rings him very funny.
He is like a kid with a new toy, yes a new toy that the minute he leaves it unattended will get the Nellie treatment..Nom nom nom nom...................................

Road kill

2008-04-13T17:19:00.002+01:00

Twiggs loves her Rudolph rug and it comes out every year at christmas...for some reason she thinks its really sweet and I AM NOT ALLOWED ON OR NEAR IT...... Now I love teddies..I love to chomp teddies and this would be doggy heaven....but its not its like sitting TBG in front of a giant kebab or Shannon in front of a giant bag of haribo and then telling then NO............thats just mean and spiteful.
So I have to wait until Twiggs is out of sight then pounce on it and dragging it from room to room by its antlers shaking its giant head to and fro: like a weird macabre dog/roadkill ballet....... Its fantastic fun and well worth the yelling i get when I am caught trying to re- arrange its hooter.
The best is when I go to do the flying door way to sofa leap, just before I splat onto the sofa I will use Rudolph as a giant spring Board just for the sheer hell of seeing twigg's face when I have rumpled him all up after she has spent ages arranging him just so.
Its not all bad though i will lie on Ruloph and feel his furryiness under me like a big snuggle rug and used his big fat head as a pillow.until the bumface one catches me.

A Dog Called Dave

2008-04-13T17:01:00.002+01:00
Believe it or not these two loons who reside in my house were going to call me Dave..... .like thats so drole.....
I am aware that that for the first 5 years of my life I didnt really respond to any name not even my racing name and that Twiggs was nearly in tears when the lady at the kennels said that they could re- name me what ever as I didnt really know a name : To be perfectly honest I still dont , I just hear Nellie and think " Ooh food ! "
How ever if TBG had gotten his own way and called me Dave, I would have made a point of learning that one and giving him a bite or an accidental nudge to the testicles every time he used it .
Nellie......... I often think my name could be other things that I often hear thrown my way such as :
Nonononellie
ohforchristsakenellie
getouttathekitchennellie
movenelliemovenellie
jellylegsnellie
smellynellie.............not my fault you put the food in bowl !
nelliepup...like elliepup,,,,,,
narclepticnellie
Bloodydog
yourdog

Why Nellie ? why not Tiger or Flash or Queen ?
Well TBG, his mom is Helen.........often like myself is called manythings, but more often is called Nel & her mom was called Nellie........... Not bad really, I am quite proud, it could have been worse...much much worse, yes even worse than Dave.TBG could have called me after what he calls his mother in law.......The Dragon ( Rawwwwwrrrrrr.....!)

Go back to work

2008-04-12T22:16:00.000+01:00

Please lord, dont let my humans have too much holidays from work.........they exhaust me, My whole routine is upset by them selfishly having time off work. They interfere with my sleep patterns ( ie : 24/7).
Generally on a work day: the distubance is minimal, Twiggs comes down the stairs at 6 am , gives me a love, lets me out for a tinkle, feeds me..makes a coffee, lets me back out ( depends how cold it was the first time I went out), then I fall asleep to the sound of her hair dryer.......... then She gets shannon up -by calling her about 5 times the threatening to leave her upstairs on her own with the toilet monster............... Then shannon will come and get ready while twiggs puts the lunches together, nagging Shannon to get a bloomin wriggle on. Twiggs and shannon leave the house...................... reporting to TBG who is still snug in bed about what my bowel habits have been that morning ( Remember I told you they were obsessed, you didnt believe me)......
5 Mins later TBG comes down and gives me some munching........
Then depending on how cold it was earlier or if I have indeed done a Nellie Doodle, or if there is an R in the month and pigs have learnt to fly, i may go out for a walk with him.......Depends how invisible I can make myself on my bed, how much eye contact I can avoid or how sad and pathetic I can look, depends if TBG will yank me outta my bed and drag me out for a brisk walk.
The trick is to stall him as much as poss then he has only time to take me to the shop and back.
Then he is off to work.and its time to refine the 101 sleeping poses..." Ah Bliss ! "

Then One of them will have to ruin my day by not going to work.......... grumble grumble
So imagine all the steps listed above but with a big walk...and no chance of slipping into a coma.
If Twiggs is off then she is to and fro-ing with the vacuum ( you know that thing with the sucky pipe that tries to eat your nose and makes your eyes water if you dare to sniff at it.), polish, sorting drawers , cuboards out, messing about in the garden , clattering about in the kitchen, trapsing, banging, scraping.AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH ! I am trying to reach Zen !
Then getting dragged out again in the afternoon ( nope I will have yet another walk later, much to my disgust) to meet Shannon from school, even though she is old enough to walk her self home, Twiggs thinks I should have a walk at this time of day & suprise suprise, were off walking to meet the silent one........and all her scarey friends, the only bonus point is kids being kids they all eat sweets & crisps on the way home and leave offerings to the homework gods.which as he quite plainly doesnt exsist- from what I see Shannon do- I will have to snaffle...( but quickly before the lead is yanked upwards quicker than Pierpoint could have ever done it)
Then its home and more noise while tea is done and ironing is done.she is such a selfish woman.I shall have to send her to TBG school of having a day off..........
Which is roll downstairs a couple of hours after everyone has gone: Watch Only Fools and Horses, or fishing t.v or someone other cack as Twiggs says.... get dressed.....take Me for a wee walk to shop to get paper and sweets....come home and watch tv....read paper...eat sweets...look in fridge for inspiration......think about things he could do, but isnt going to, think of excuses to give to Twiggs when she gets home....
Its FANTASTIC, just like he's not here : Just like a work day.....but with belly rubs....In fact I think Twiggs should go to night school to better herself, so she can get a better paid job, so TBG can stay at home with me and be my chief belly rubber...................... You know I think he may have been a Greyhound in a previous life.......Think Twiggs would agree

Blog

2008-04-12T17:26:00.003+01:00
I hope you are all enjoying my Blog.....remember if you think my life is funny, please pass it on......

Rain in spain

2008-04-11T23:17:00.002+01:00
Hmmmmmmfppppp................
Grumpy me, oh yes how dare I be grumpy, yes wee ole lovable mesome.
Imagine the scene.... I have built a nest with in the double duvet which is my bed.....
I am so far asleep I am in the land of twitchy paws.
Then I hear " nellie, nellie " pat pat, which normally means some poor sucker is sat on my sofa and wants me to come and sit on them and squish them whilst wriggling like a toddler on blue smarties. getting belly rubs and hugs galore, so up I rouse of my Nellie nest and race into the front room.
Sod it............. Twiggs is calling me and is stood patting the sofa while TBG is waiting by the door with my collar. Ok fair cop, youve got me lets go " For a walk " which means a trip to the beer church.
Ok its raining, no one like the rain, not Twiggs with the dyed red hair, not TBG which could mean : the Balby Guy not the Big Guy ha ha ha.
I am going to go as slow as possible and sniff eveything I can, i dont want to be here, but hey you dont want to get wet either.
Any hoo the beer church is busy and no offerings have been made to the beer gods so thats annoyed me, Twiggs is still going to Keep Fat Club so noporky puffs.....I am fed up...
I will stand up and smile and do that I am really hot panting thing just to worry them, then the I need a wee-wee take me out into the rain so I can get you wet and sniff the grass for 20mins thing.
TBG is fed up as he says the beer gods will be really annoyed as it would seem that some one has taken a tinkle in his beer- or I think thats what he said............ I get a fuss off some people but like a teenager I pretend like I am all EMO and sad and dont really want to know.WANT TO GO HOME.
Twiggs tell TBG to stop grippng about the bloody beer and to go home ( hurraaaah ) and to worship from home next time.
Hurrah I bounce all the way home, They think its because I dont want to get wet, me thinks it cos I wanna go to bed.
Twiggs flounces trying not to trip over her bottom lip which has uncurled from its normal bumface possition.
Home sweet home.get in get towel dried ( I am a princess dont forget) Go to bed.yawny-yawn-yawn................ Twiggs has gone up to bed and TBG has put Only fools and Horses on - again)
Nite nite all.......................

Gift Wrap

2008-04-11T19:30:00.001+01:00
Before you decide if I am guilty of the crime I am accused of please read the version of events leading up to that fateful day: Then you may judge if I am gulty of this crime or if indeed I was driven to it...................
Twiggs always buys people's gifts: She will spend weeks thinking of what to buy and then hunting for that gift, it may not always cost a lot but will hopefully be something for that person that they will like, then she will wrap it very carefully using nice bows etc and will also if she has the time hand make that person a nice card.
TBG , well all he has to if deliver the gift if it needs to be taken further that Twiggs can walk ( remember too lazy to learn to drive).......... well,
Twiggs had just done this and was awiting TBG to take the gift.........................when he got the tiime of course ( about 10 weeks)

This gift was not massive but big enough to catch my eye and being both a hound and a female, I am nosey .
It kept moving around the dining room, it would be on the table one day, by the computer the next day or on the ottoman fingymajiggy, where ever it wasnt in their way......
10 weeks it was moving about the room .
10 weeks they'd go off to work to earn my bone money and leave me alone with the parcel.
10 weeks ,every day the parcel would whisper to me. " Nellie, do you know whats inside all this glitzy wrapping...oh Nellie unwrap me, set me free Nellie.theres something yummy in here for you Nellie !!!!! "
IT WAS DRIVING ME SO MAD........like when you get an itch on the roof of your mouth or restless legs.
To my credit I did hold out for 10 weeks until I couldnt bear the agony of not knowing what was under that wrapping paper ............Then one day I was walking past the parcel when I must have accidently bumped into it causing it to fall on the floor, and not having any hands I couldnt pick it up............. I did ignore it then I noticed a corner of the paper had come unstuck, now Bluepeter was before my time so I didnt know how to use glue or sticky backed plastic so I licked it trying to stick it back down when I must have caught the sticky out bit in my teeth....and it ripped more................................................. OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!
Well this where everything spiralled out of control.
It just fell apart, there was nothing I could do, it just self destructed..." Boom ! " paper every where...OOOPPS !- I was lucky not to loose an eye or something !!!!!!
I tried to put it back on the ottoman fingymajiggy by picking it up in my teeth, which sadly resulted in the box looking like it had been gnawed.
I couldnt put it back so I just left it , I was feeling tired anyway.
Snooze
Snooze
Key in door..........................................................
Mad wag
Mad wag

" Bad Dog "

Run and hide on bed, of course I tried to hide, not because I was guilty of any thing, but I was being yelled at. It wasnt my fault that the stoopid parcel has blown up making a pretty confetti paper pattern all over the room and i've explained the teeth marks.
So am I guilty ? No ?
What crime am I guilty of ?
Am I bomb disposal ? No..........
TBG is guilty , he should have gotten the parcel to the person whose birthday it was on time and not leave hanging about to haunt me and get me into trouble.
I am innocent.

Dying Fly

2008-04-09T21:04:00.000+01:00
Well what would you know, there I was fast a sleep doing the usual mid-afternoon dozing upside down on the sofa; legs all akimbo,when I was roused from my sleep my the most wonderful feeling I have ever felt in my life, like the warmest, squidgetty, squishestty feeling ever, a million dropletts of sunkissed rain drops pit-pattering on my tummy: butterflies kissing my hairy navel, What a beautiful dream this was..................... hold on a moment..!!!, OH MY GOD...............ohno Ohnoooo someone is rubbing my belly, no one has ever done that before, its wrong wrong wrong, but yet so good good good.........
Twiggs is sat beside me so I am sprawled on her and she is gently rubbing my belly while watching t.v.... shes not even looking at what she is doing, does she know what she is doing ?
I cant look at her, cant give her eye contact, I adopt the im sorry ive been a bad dog look on my face, i cant look yet i want to look to beg her not to stop..............aaahhhhhhhhhh

Its like licking the wall beside my bed I know I really shouldnt do but its addictive and compulsive......

These days i LOVE IT LOVE IT...... and will try and a fix when ever I can off who ever I can...Im like a loveable drunk, you tolerate me in the hope I will go away once ive gotten what I want......I will lie across the dining room so people have to step over me to get by and as they go to step over i will cunningly roll onto my back and do the dying fly that they find so adorable and then have to rub my belly, as they feel sorry for me being so pathetic, i dont care , I dont care that theres someone at the door, or you have your tea balancing on a tray, I am a hound, I have no pride..apart from when Twiggs has been outside and tries to put her cold hands on me when i am asleep, apart from giving me heart faliure I could get chilblains.

Gallop On The Hills

2008-04-08T20:27:00.004+01:00

TBG has found out that Hall Green RGT do a walk at wasley hills on certain sundays ...... jumping jollies it means I have to get up earlier now...sunday is my longest day of rest...ok I know every day is a day of rest for me- I am retired you know.....
Anyhooooooo as soon as we park in the car park i can smell Hound i can hear hound and my Ears are so far up they are touching the clouds...... I am like a coiled spring...........
OMG there are trillions of hounds....I brace my self for the on slaught of bum sniffing , but would you know it, its kinda not too bad when its done my your own kind , i even have a go my self, not sure what I am sniffing for exactly or what I should do when I find what I am sniffing for...but I want to build up my street cred amongst these hounds you know..........
There are sooooooooo many different types, so many different variations of the same breed and shapes and sizes some of the boys are giants...some seem tiny .Some are shy, some not so shy..some talk too much( thats what the owners say.all I hear is whine whine whine................some seem nice, some are fruit loops.Then there are the dogs themselves who like me are all lovelly and very well behaved.
We Greyhounds generally tend to love another and welcome each other :
Wasley walk is great - apart from getting up early.we all walk around the hill together ( about 20-40 of us ) all at different sniffing speed... most humans seem to spend the whole time picking up poop or calling to each other for poop bags or wiping poop off their shoe in that really funny way they do ; its almost like a dance, first they slip in it then they look at their shoe then they look like they are going to vomit then they do that 10 minute wipe wipe check check wipe on da grass dance...( Oh yes the poop is from an irresponsible non greyhound owner who has walked their dog beforehand and not poopascooped) .....
Occasionally a dog will break free and run past us all like something out of chariots of fire whilst we all chant Run Forest Run..Then the humans ruin it all running after the mad dog forming a human chain to try and re leash the offending hound....while the hound runs round them in big circles.
Afterwards the humans all have a cup of tea and we of course have rest while they all natter,,,,then yum yum we get to have sausages.... which some kind soul has thoughfuly prepared......nom nom nom nom.........Twiggs got very excited the first time but was soon put in her place and told to release the sausages they were for the hounds ...greedy pig........... I ate her share.....

The Vets

2008-04-08T20:27:00.001+01:00
Ouch ouch...............................I was bleeding and it stung and it hurrrrrrt !
Twiggs & TBG were not here only Shannon who was very shocked & upset at me whinning and dripping blood everywhere. She very kindly gave me a big big love and did a brilliant nursy -nursejob holding some kitchen roll against the wound which was pouring with blood; hardly suprising as I had just ripped my leg off...............
Twiggs came in and comforted a tearful Shannon.(Cough cough, ah-em......dying dog here woman..never mind the hormonal teenager-call me an ambulance)
Panic stations: lead on, coat on , a micropore sticky patch thing placed kindly over gaping hole in leg...how awful : Ive havent had my dinner: i never go out before my dinner, you always give me dinner when you get home: its wednesday, I have sardines with my dinner on a wednesday.........
So off we go walking to the vets : Twiggs is too thick to learn to drive.
Walking along the busiest road at the busiest time of night....me being dragged cos Ive not had my dinner and I want to home and eat, shannons doing the normal teenager walking whilst looking at her feet : twiggs face matches her red hair.... We meet TBG at the vets who laughs and says it looks like a panty liner on my leg and gives me a big cuddle.

Nice vet lady who Twiggs says looks about 10 years old is very kind....and I am such a brave little soldier, removes the offending claw and gives me a Whopping Great big Bandage so big it looks like I have had a leg Transplated with a hockey stick, and doubles my weight, all is well until I have my second injection which was like being injected with wasps and I yowled for a full 2 minutes non stop, not realising that Twiggs had the door open and all other animals in the waiting room heard me cry....... ( i had a mean imgonnabiteyer, look on my face when I left the room in case any of them wanted to laugh at me)
Twiggs nearly fainted again when she paid the bill - hey im worth it).

I cant get my paw wet, la la la la la la la la
I dont have to go for walks, la la la la la la ala
I can just rest all day la la la la la la la
I have to take tablets - wrapped in cheese if you purlease.....la la la la la la la
Every one loves me and feels sorry for me la la la la la la la la la

Oh Poop.......TBG has brought me a doggy boot....... oh lordy its silver and looks like a big gay doc martin.oh no now I have to go for walks....... Oh the Shame...............................

Numpty

2008-04-08T19:08:00.001+01:00

It is my job as hound and boss of this house to greet people as they enter my domain - mainly to snuffle at their pockets for anything edible or in case the phantom squirrel may try and sneak in behind them.......
Our sofa is by the front door -where else would it be the room is soooooo small !- which means I can stand on in to look out of the window, knocking everything off the window sill accidently-on -purpose......just to annoy the Twiggs ( oh and get to mess all the throws Ocd woman has neatly arranged there): and when the front door is opened I am nearly at eyeball level with who ever is stood on the step, which is so funny when its someone new at the door who doesnt know me : they think I am a really really tall giant dog...( rawr !)
I like to stand with my legs on the arm of the sofa so when Twiggs or TBG comes in I am at licky level so I can try and kiss them, before they can smell what ive had for tea.
I also like to launch myself at the sofa, the trick is to start running at the end of the kitchen to get enough speed up at try to get from the dining room on to the sofa without touching the living room carpet, I love the noise I make as I splat on the sofa........ I like the noise TGB makes when I do it also........it sounds like "Ohforfourfootsnake Nellie"
I like the feeling of movement as I land and the sofa skids towards the window............like snowboarding- freestyle, luckilly they have had the foresight to have double glazing...........
At about 17.10 I know Twiggs is due home as I know how long Shannon has been home by order of events:
How long it takes for her to let me out for a tinkle, to check whats in the fridge & sigh, get homework out of bag & sigh,.put homework back into bag & sigh ....Turn on P.C .
Pretty clever............no not really its because Twiggs rings Shannon on her way home from the station to get a Nellie update before she gets in..so she can prepare herself.
So this is my cue to leap on the sofa spy out of the window and jump on Twiggs when she opens the door and let her know just how empty my belly is and that im really hungry and if im not fed in 2 mins flat I will pass out.failing that I will vomit bile from my empty tummy on her carpet:
Some numpty had polished the sofa: although they ( we wont mention any names but how can someone who never ever polishes buy sofa wipes and use them ???) denied polishing the arm rests as apparently my head was there at the time and they didnt want to disturb me............hhmmmmmmmm !
My foot slipped and carried on downwards and my dew claw went the other way...ouch ouch ouch.........................................................................

Bingo Wings

2008-04-07T20:14:00.002+01:00

Ok across the road from where I live is a catholic church, yup a proper church, but with the added bonus attatched: It has a human Beer church right beside it. so when TBG drags me out for a swifty walk he has a swifty pint of beer too....( great use me as a cover for his beer cravings) its lovelly and quiet in there and the Altar/bar lady is really lovelly and sometimes gives me cheese which i like very much. Everyone is nice and they all love me and I love them to.

I don't like bingo night in there.

Its full of old people

They scare me

Bingo dabbers dab dab dabbing

everyone shush shushing you if you dare to move

The silly bingo quips.. two fat ladies, quack quack, doctors orders..hows about woof woof Im trying to sleep here so you shush shush yourselves...............

Then one of then will shout " House,ere are" and make nearly have a heart attack

The P/a system scares me its too loud.surely they are not all that deaf ,cant they use an ear trumpet or summat

TBG makes me go in the back room with him i dont like it in there its spooky and I know that the phantom squirell lives in there somewhere, thats why i always look well alert with my ears up like a giant space hopper and try and escape when ever I can or I make my self really really small so no one can see me....eventually TBG will have to take me home just so he can get some peace and quiet.and I have to walk out past all the dab dab dabbers, who are all concentrating cos its a full house for a £10.00 jackpot and I am so tempted to let out a giant WOOFETY WOOF WOOF just to scare them all and make them jump see how they like it !!!!

I love Ellie-Pup

2008-04-07T19:17:00.004+01:00
Meet my mate Ellie -pup, I wanted to show you a piccy in case earlier when i told you about her ears you thought maybe I had eggagerated a tad........... I kid you not its a canineparaglidingdog, The folks she owns have to tether her down when we have strong winds.
They are great she's like a cross between a propersized dog and a stumpy swampy thing.which reminds me of the bloke she owns.......................................................
She is my best friend even if she is from 'opnorth

Dog In A Coma: do not Disturb

2008-04-07T19:17:00.003+01:00

Ok its a myth that us Greyhounds are lazy......If im lazy that makes TBG a flatliner at times......... im just relaxed and chilled out ok....... My legs are long and lanky and ache if I stand up all day and as there is no market for support tights for dogs then its my right to rest my legs.

Did you know I have the ability to make myself invisible to the human eye........... if I lie flat enough on my bed and dont get eye contact with you, then it means im not here and you cant find me and therefore you cannot make me go for a walk........................................... no matter what is being used to bribe me, and putting choccie drops from my bed ( where by the way i am not cos I am invisble and not on my bed- so thats pointless) to where youve put the lead is just childish and not funny....
If I bolt and hide when you say walkies :what does this tell you ?
If i mad wag and bark when you say walkies what does that tell you ? Use your noggin...........................
If I am all snuggly and can only be roused from the sofa using a defribulator.what does that tell you....................... I dont want walkies, I want sleepies.
If when at the weekend once I am fully rested and you go anywhere near where you keep the : house keys, lead, collar coat, boots and i start acting like a complete fruit loop doing back flips barking etc, then take it from me, this means I would very much like to go out for a short meander with you, if i dont give you this signal then please dont make me, my cloak of invisibility will wear out soon

Murtle the Turtle Is dead

2008-04-07T18:44:00.001+01:00
Opppps looks like yet another one of my lovelly toys has been Nellied : I so loved Murtle. She is now on the side in the kitchen where I cant reach her awaiting someone to get the sewing kit out and apply emergency surgery.

My top toys :

Murtle: while she was alive and had her full quota of stuffing........
Erwin : a plastic squidgy crocodile who loves to get me in a croc roll upon the living room floor.. hes strong and still alive..........
Raffy: the giraffe......R.i.p lost too much stuffing at the battle of the dining room, wimp, not enough flesh left for the stitches.......... gone to join the Wheelie Bin Brigade.
H.D : the hot dog, fluffy yet hard and squeeked, I think he's a deserter as ive not seen him for ages and ages either that or Twiggs has hidden it to bring out at a later date in the vain hope that im stupid enough to think she has brought me a new toy.

I like squeeky toys the louder the better, so when TBG is watching piffle on the t.v ( you know only fools and horses/again ....... sigh) I can run in the room - normally after Twiggs has wound me up like a clockwork mouse in the other room- and pounce and squeek and when I tire of pouncing I will sit opposite him and Nom nom nom nom.......till it can squeek no more or TBG starts to bleed from his ears.
I also love cuddly teddies, they feel all nice and comfy in my mouth, I love chomping them: i dont mean to its a compulsive sorta thing you know, I just cant help myself and the more I tell myself no the more I have to...... Ihavent met a Nellie proof one yet..............
I dont do balls, cant see the point as it normally means some idiot wants you to fetch, then bring back then fetch then bring back.ah-hem, excuse me , that means making an effort.I so dont think so , think I will leave that sort of stupid behavour to the Collie and Labrador Brigade..

I know which cuddly toy I really want and covet........... its not mine yet, but it will be.......

Bone Money

2008-04-07T18:20:00.002+01:00
See how cute I am , mind you anyone would look cute next to TBG................
Do you know that they: they being the people who I own make me work for a living, well its more for bone money than anything else.
TBG & Twiggs, -more so TBG as Twiggs has to work most saturdays -takes me along to the Hall Green Branch of the Retired Greyhound Trust.... RGT........... " Meet & greets" This is where for those of you who dont know , the RGT will have a stand or stall out side a pet shop, or a shopping centre or an event etc.
Where the kind volunteers will bring their hounds and the public can see the doggies and see how nice they are ( like me) and hopefully raise awareness of their plight and hopefully some will get re- homed as a result. Which how I eneded up with my lot.
Its hard workfor a hound , I have people stroking me and loving me and giving me lots of fuss and tit bits all day long , very tiring. I have to sleep for days after to recover.
TBG enjoys it as I think he like meeting people and likes yakking more than eating, that man could yak for england.
So if you see me when you out shopping come and say hello to me, im not really dead laying on the floor, im just pretending im in a coma so TBG will shut up for 5 mins....

The Other rabbit

2008-04-07T16:32:00.000+01:00
Cant say too much , but if you remember when I first came to the house there was a big fat lardy rabbit called George who used to rule the roost here, until he went to live his days out up stairs, in the safe dog free space in TBG and Twigg's room.
There is another rabbit that lives upstairs in a certain persons room..... ( you know who are)
I have met said rabbit twice, once when he was very kindly left on the dining room table for me to play with, then the next time when he was left the other side of the stair gate.That took some doing, yanking him out and bouncing all over him until i was caught....... Although I will still say he started it........
He is flea bitten and manky and looks like Roadkill and you are too old to have a fav teddy and I think its only fair he is handed over to me, to love and hug and cherish ( and well if he gets ripped I will blame it on horseplay).............. I know his name, I know where he lives and its only a matter of time before he is mine all mine........................................

Nutter Magnet

2008-04-07T16:10:00.002+01:00

I am adorable ; again please note I am not blowing my own trumpet, but am merely relaying what people say about me. I am rather quite modest really.

I am a nutter magnet or this is what TBG says about me.

If we go to town or are out and about people constantly stop the people who I have instructed to take me out and comment on how lovelly, gentle, friendly, sweet natured and pretty I am.

Now when this normally happens is when twiggs has gone into a shop for a mooch about and left me and TBG standing out side looking like loons or billy no mates.

TBG is great and I know how lucky I am to have chosen them and a lot of hounds are not so lucky and still in need of homes, he is great for talking to anyone and telling them how Fantastic we Greyhounds are and they should all have one: BUT THERE ARE SOME FOLKS HE SHOULD NOT TALK TO.......least of all not let them fawn all over me.you know who you are;
When we get accosted by the nutter brigade, Twiggs can normally sense this and looks through the shop window like a rabbit caught in head lights and her and shannon try and leave the shop unnoticed by TBG or my self and will to skuttle off down the street.......... sniggering to themselves............ Then stand at the bottom of the street and have the cheek to phone TBG and laugh down the phone chanting " Nutter, Nutter !!" but I suppose for every 20 nutters there are at least 1 who is genuinely interested.so its worth it... and we are a lovelly breed

Why The Long Face ?

2008-04-07T14:25:00.000+01:00

Just because I am a hound , this does not mean that I have no sense of humour, its just that I find different things funny to you.

Things I find funny :
A ) The lawn well the lawn that they did have ( no I didnt ruin it, blame that on next doors cat) before they put bark chippings down - now I have to be careful when I squat, not too low !-it was one big puddle o mud or turned into one big mud pie and I loved running about on it digging my claws in raking all the mud in them then running full pelt into the house and skidding to a halt in the dining room.wow, huge great big muddy skid marks, that was funny, even funnier though watching Twiggs mutter to her self whilst cleaning it up.
B) Having sardines for tea and giving TBG a huge great big kissy kiss-kiss when he comes in from work and watching the look of horror on his face.
C) Having my weekly lady wash lay on the sofa opposite TBG when hes eating his tea in the front room.
D) Occasionally Barking like a banshee ( now Ellie pup has taught me to bark) at 3 am , petending that the phantom squirrel or The Toilet Monster ( yup, the same one Shannon hates) has come to get me and waiting for TBG to come lumbering down the stairs in those supid p'j's and then prentending that i was asleep and dont know what all the fuss was about.
E) When its cold and wet and nasty out side and TBG takes me to the garden before bed and he's shivering in his stoopid p.j's and I decide to take 20 mins to decide where to pee.
Things I Dont find Funny.

1) When TBG says over and over " Why The Long Face Nellie ?" chortle chortle........ i will tell you why: its genetics, its my breed, my mommy & daddy looked like this and I would look silly with a body like this and a face like a Pug !!!!!! Say it again and I will have to go all Wolfy like the guy from Little Red Riding Hood............. and bite you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) You know when I am asleep and my paws start twitching like I am running: have you ever thought that in my little doggy dream land I am chasing the Phantom squirrel and winning and can just taste his bushy little tail inbetween my teeth when I am awoken by you guys giggling like little school girls.and the squirrel lives to torment another day !!!!!
3) Bodily functions, mine smell great, lovelly in fact thats why I chose to share them with you, yours however smell of human and are quite offensive and I would rather you didnt share them with me at least not point the finger at me for something you have done; Thats well out of order.
4) When people laugh at my doggy coat, I am a lean sinewy machine , unlike Twiggs I have no excess body fat to keep me warm, so i wear a coat...and if I could I would also wear a hat, scarf and mittens to fend off the cold, but Twiggs doesnt like the thought of wet wool . I love my coat it is all snuggily, although I draw the line at that, im not one for dressing doggys up, thats just wrong, although I fully think that there should be a law that humans should reamin clothed at all times after that time Twiggs came down in her undies and bent over to put the washing in the machine, she could have warned me, i very nearly went blind, disturbed my sleep for weeks.
5 ) The dog next door ASBO jack the jack russell that hates all animals.who lies in wait until I have done the run around the garden searching for maybe a spot Ive not yet ever ever peed on , waits until I am mid flow then barks like buggery, gets me every time.......... lucky I dont wee on my paws or get tangled on the washing line............ Jack scares me.

Kitchen : My mecca

2008-04-07T13:09:00.000+01:00
I love the kitchen.so much so for about 3 weeks when i first came to reside here I thought my name was " Get Outta da kitchen !"
My kitchen is really long and narrow and I have learnt how to reverse now rather than try to turn around...reversing is better....much better I can do it at speed now.
Doggy rules are that anything dropped on the kitchen floor can rouse me from a coma and have me hurtling through to retrieve in the blink on eye...so if any thing is dropped..then its mine,, apart from cucumber- what is all that about then ???? Tea bags,especialy if hot....soon learnt my lesson on that one, not nice............. mushrooms are okish, cheese is better.
everything in kitchen sounds like something is being dropped into my bowl......... ok I said sounds like, Im not living the complete dream here.....
I have learnt not to lay in front of the cooker whilst Twiggs is cooking as this can scald, no not the fear of having hot fat or hot stuff fall on me, but the withering look ole bum face gives me......thats scarey !!!!!!
I dont steal from the kitchen- ok I admit there was that incident with the pizza, but I was new and there was cheese involved, also I cant open the fridge.
I like to lay at the entrance to the kitchen and practise my sad dog face, making my eyes go all big and giving the occasional sigh.when this doesnt work I get the telepathy radar going full pelt.... which hasnt worked yet, but will do one day....
Also doggy rules say that when the folks I own have finished their meals i can rightly assume that they will scrape yummy nom nom bits they have saved for me into my bowl, so then it is my doggy given right to stand longingly by my bowl.sods law also states thats the only bits I do get are veggies which Twiggs tried to feed to TBG- well he's not going to eat them why does he asume I will........ Ah well beggers cant be choosers, even if veggies arnt very nom nom, they fill a void in my tummy.
Shopping days, i love it when they go shopping and all the bags are dumped in the kitchen for twiggs to sort out and put away while TBG sits and recovers whilst watching re-runs of re-runs of Only fools and Horses ( again) : its my job to stick my snout in each bag, just to check they havent forgotten anything ( cheese), or that the phantom squirrel hasnt snuck in the bag and is scoffing everything !!!!!
Now every bag has a name..Fridgy stuff, freezery stuff, tinney stuff, cuboardy stuff: woah betide TBG if when packing Fridgy stuff should end up in the cuboardy stuff bag..... No wonder he needs to sit down.dunno why she does that as she still unpacks everything and puts it all on the side before putting it away.and they think i'm barmy at times ?????
My food bowls are in the kitchen, they are kept high as I have a long neck and its easy to eat/drink when stuffs not on the floor ( ha ha ha makes me laugh, humans so gulible)
The best thing I love is taking stuff out of my food bowl and putting it on the floor to eat, it makes a mess, but not as much mess as when I decide I want to eat in the dining room and carry it through........................Or when i wipe my snout on the carpet.... tickles my nose

Runny Bum : The Vets

2008-04-07T11:29:00.000+01:00
I slept really really well, although I will admit their legs did get in the way a bit and I didnt take too kindly to the quilt being yanked off me............( They have body fat to keep warm )
I have a problem and its not just the rain which hasnt stopped : Its July we are not supposed to be in monsoon season. I have a bad belly, not just windy pops.but the really bad kind of belly, which I think you guys get after a night in your "Church" followed by a really hot curry.... Twiggs is really worried as several times in the night I had to be taken outside ( in the rain) and dragged across a wet cold camp site to do my doggy thing.......... upon which Twiggs went a funny shade of green and tried her best to clean up in the dark in the rain holding a torch in her mouth holding onto me in case the phantom squirrel should turn up and fancy a game of chase... I thought it was quite funny, but no Mrs Twiggs seems to have lost her sense of humor ...and nearly her stomach contents too.
We went to the beach later that day- when the rain held off, which was great.loads of seaguls of whom I would have quite happily chased to death if I had been allowed off the lead....do these people not know, I will only run about 500m ( admitingly really really fast) then plonk down in a big exhausted heap... all they have to do is eventually catch up with me ... they dont even have to run, Fair enough I may not come back if called but I will wait and rest while they run like loons shouting my name: Trust...lack of it !!!!!
Anyway there were a few families on the beach.......... very nice when oh deary me... I had the urge to make a sandcastle of my own in the form of big sloppy runny Nellie Doodle.TBG and shannon quickly made a sharp exit with me and left Twiggs to scoop it up.......She caught up with us eventually muttering about it not being funny and abandonment................ I am booked in at the VETS !!!!!!
Nice vet man - warm hands -says I colitius.....I have tablets which they think they have to hide in cheese_ I'd eat the tablets anyway, but as I am quite partial to cheese I am not going to let on.
Twiggs is cooking boiled chicken and rice in the camper van for me.......... nom nom nom nom...beats dry dog food any day..........
Am feeling better
Have made a friend called Ellie, i say friend we are both not big doggy lovers, we dont fight and saunter along ok together which suits me fine , even if Ellie-pup is a bit odd looking...... She has the biggest sticky out ears I have ever seen outside of a sci fi film. Im too scared to mutter anything bad about her in case her radar should pick it up....... She has stumpy legs and a belly that sometimes hits the floor, buts she's rather cool and I quite like her considering I only normally like other greyhounds........... And hurrah she doesnt do the bum sniffing thing which is great... not like the labrador pup I once encountered who rather rudely jumped me when I wasnt expecting it and goosed me by sticking his big fat cold nose in that place vets are only allowed....
Hence now when I am out walking I keep looking around to see who may be behind me... The people I own think its very funny: very drool I think, how would they like it...The next time They laugh at me I shall nellie doodle in the kitchen and see how funny they find that !!!!!
Are these people I own mad ? all they do is walk.now geography is really not my strong point, but ...are there no flat parts in wales ?????? _ I think there is but nope not where we are...all they do is walk...we walk up hill and up hill and then uphill some more....never seem to go down hill only uphill....Will be glad to get home and have a rest......... Shannon agrees with me, but not so much that she will let me have a sneaky slurp of her ice cream : teenagers so selfish !!

Camping In Wales: Day 1

2008-04-07T08:46:00.000+01:00

We are Going camping in Wales.. Hurrahhhhhh. my first holiday I can hardly keep my eyes open with excitement.......... Twiggs is grumbling on about the blooming rain........ TBG is worried he has forgotten something Shannon has this thing they call a mobile phone which is odd as it seems attatched to her hand, I think this must be way of communicating...a bit like morse code as I can here is Tapp- tappety tap-tap.its keeping me awake , I must wrestle her to the ground at some point when I can be bothered and eat the darn thing !!!!!!
We are here at the camp site : its still raining, Twiggs still has her Bum face on.........
Why cant humans work together nicely its taken 2 hours to get the tent and all set up, with TBG shouting things like " For god sake Twiggs watch what you are doing, what the hell are you doing, pay attention, no not like that etc.........!" how am I supposed to sleep with them carrying on like children. Godness me if Twiggs purses her lips any more she will swallow her face !!!!!!!!!
Ok Tents up everything is in place..... Odd they are sleeping in pods, hey why is my bed in the foyer / And not in with those two.......... try sad face, nope no one is looking, try sad face again...try telepathy............." Let me on your bed......." try harder ............ Oh for godness sake, just jump on the pair of them and claim my space....its warmer lay on their legs.
RESULT: I am lay like a giant queen starfish right in the middle of Twiggs and TBG, I have quilt.......... ooopppppps I also have wind, I will not apologise, no matter how much they gag and heave, I cant help it..................... Ah this is the life................

Does he sleep downstairs too ?

2008-04-07T08:02:00.003+01:00

Ok, my first day has gone ok so far, I still have the muzzle on, but thats not really much to worry about.

I have had a nice big dinner and found a nice-ish lawn which should take about 2 weeks to ruin...

Thinking about the lawn, Twiggs didnt heave the first time I left a nice big Nellie Doodle on the lawn and she had to pick it up...... ok its called a Nellie Doodle, you could call it poop, a dump, caca-ca, I think Nellie Doodle is good as its a drawing I have made with my bum.... TBG doesnt seem as keen to clear up and mentioned something about leaving it until theres a skin on it.. Twiggs just got a bag and scooped it up, hang on a minute...... putting my doodles in bag ???? whats all that about: what are they doing with it, why are they collecting it, thats a bit odd, now I am a bit worried about these strange people, they are obsessed I am let out and then they watch what I do, especially TBG, he seems to take great delight in my bowel movements.... I am a bit loose at the moment. he does'nt find that all that funny though.......... I think its really funny and really must master the art of doodling whilst walking to create maximum mess.........

They took me to this place, I think it must be like a church as they go there a lot, a bit of a weird place name for a church its called The King & castle and they all line up at thing called a bar and pay the bloke stood behind money for Beer, which comes in big glasses, must be good stuff as they are all doing it. Twiggs wasnt to chuffed when I stuck my tounge in her beer- well I wanted to see what all the fuss was about........ mmmmmm good stuff, I like this place... There are the occasional offerings to beer gods dropped on the floor. TBG said they are crisps, porky puffs and nuts and I really shouldnt scavenge on the floor for titbits......... Hey I am a Hound and really not fussy where I find food as long as it ends up in my belly !!!!!!!!!
When we get home Twiggs & shannon go up stairs......... Think George is getting duffed up as Twiggs in moaning about bloomin sawdust all over the floor.......... I am not allowed up stairs as the stairs are steep and I may hurt my self, so they have put a stair gate on to prevent me from going up,as if I could be bothered to get up the stairs and the excuse I could hurt myself: me thinks it beacause they don't want me on the bed..... from what I gather from TGB Twiggs sleeps like a starfish and theres often no room for TBG- well if I slept on the bed that problem with twiggs would be solved as im rather starfish like my self...... they could have the floor, i'm not fussy...
TGB doesnt seem to sleep upstairs anyway, it would seem the nice bloke that he is has taken time off work to help me settle in ( show me how to open the fridge then : then I would be well settled).......... so he his staying downstairs with me.......... helping me feel comfy and at home.......
keeping me awake watching that T.v thing, snoring on the sofa... putting me on my bed in the dining room tucking me all in, only to wake me 10 mins later when checking on me !!!!!!!!
Ah well this is the life : i could get used to this very very much.... But I do hope he goes back to his own bed soon as I dont think Twiggs should really have that big double bed all to herself ( well not with out a fight from TBG).and I need my beauty sleep...alll 23.hours of it !!!

First Day Home

2008-04-06T22:12:00.000+01:00

The staff at Monmore are fantastic, they fed me well, looked after and exercised me and loved me so much...But I sensed this was all coming to an end as the "Vanishing proceedure " had begun, this being a whole list of things that hounds and ive seen previous kennel mates go through, before voooooooom..they vannish !!- of course I now know that the worming, micro chipping, grooming, de- fleaing etc etc are all done in preparation of our new homes- not because we are being abducted by aliens......
Fantastic TBG & twiggs have come to collect me...final checks are made , thank you's and good byes said ......... My mode of transport to my new home................................ A V.W Camper van...fantastic- loads of leg room......so much floor space for me to sprawl out on...oh boy oh boy...... I lie in the back until at least Junction 10 of the M6 then saunter up the front to give TBG a heart attack ... he thinks im just being affectionate, Twiggs gives me more credit and says it beacuse I want to see where I am going........ Both wrong...I just wanna check his driving out and make sure he keeps it steady up there after all i'm trying to sleep in the back.
Ok i will have to tell you at this point I have a big plastic muzzle on, not beacuse i'm Hannibal Lecture or a bittey sort of dog, its just something the kennels do..... makes me feel a bit hard and butch when they take me out to town with it on............... Anyway I go into the house I Am IN DOGGY HEAVEN....they have a house rabbit called George - big fat podgy smug thing- sat in this massive cage: well I was well made up I thought they must really really love me if they have brought me such a wonderful house warming pressie................. Just as well he was in a cage, i did momentarilly forget I had the muzzle on and looked a bit of a berk head butting the cage...... I was soon dragged away and I think they eventually fed george to Shannon.....the thing that lives upstairs as TBG took the cage up there... for a while I used to hear Twiggs shout at 2am,3am etc for god sakes George stop chewing at your water bottle............. I later learned that george went to Bunny heaven 3 months later due to old age and had to be put to sleep... put to sleep..????? : Goodness me I could have saved them a lot in vets bills and had some excercise at the same time if i had been allowed to play with him.
My first day at home was great I soon showed them how to play Hound Sofa tennis, which basically is me jumping on the sofa and them shouting "Get Off..".and me jumping off that sofa and jumping on the other one and them shouting "Get off..."... Shannon laying on one to stop me jumping on it --- ha ha ha stop me doing what I want...so dont think so.......... anyhoo's one squished Shannon later and two very horse adults........... we have a result... who needs the expensive bed they got when I have a leather sofa all to my self.......That reminds me must get twiggs to buy me some throws for my sofa, this leathers a bit cold when you first get on it and shannons not around to warm it up first

When I met The Big Guy & Twiggs

2008-04-06T21:12:00.000+01:00

This is a pic of me , taken at Monmore,- see how toned and slender I was then...-where I first met Twiggs and The Big Guy ( TBG)Turns out they had been on The scenic Dmu on the severn Valley on a sat night ( TBG says he likes it-its a train thing, Twiggs says its coz theres a bar on the train) and they had seen a flyer at Bridgenorth Station for the following day advertising a Meet & Greet for the Greyhound Trust and decided to go along and meet the hounds, which in turn resulted in them turning up at Monmore and falling under my spell.
TBG fell in love with me at first sight, I think Twiggs did too, although she was letting TBG think it was all his idea.... noticed this is a female thing....I was a bit worried though as it was dinner time and I did forget my manners - but not my kennel mate-and I wolfed my dinner down, in case anyone/hound was going to pinch it, I didnt think they had noticed until the buffoon in the wellies from the Kennels called me a Grubber...ha the cheek of it.......... Think Twiggs saw they way I scoffed and it remined her of the TBG at dinner time.
Anyhoo's after I had scoffed I did the decent thing and Lay down on the cold floor and gave them the Give A Hound A Home Pose, giving them my saddest look...well they though I looked sad, what I was actually doing was using Hound Telepathy...telling them they belonged to me now....must have worked.................................

Me : Nellie, who I am

2008-04-06T16:09:00.000+01:00
My Name is Nellie, in a former life I was known as Trotters El Tina, which can be a bit of a mouthful and being a typical Greyhound, you can call me what you wish and I will only come when called by that given name if there is:

a) food involved or b) a belly rub.

I am a Brindle Bitch not a huge dog but not teenie tiny either, everyone says that I am a beautiful and a pretty dog........ ( not that I am blowing my own trumpet here, I am just relaying to you what people say

The people I own and live with are called Steve ( other wise known as: The Big Guy, Steven or For Godness sake- The latter two when the red haired one is a wee bit tense.

The red haired one is called Simone but often called Mom or Twiggs ( not very twigg like if you ask me, but hey i'm just a hound , what do I know)

Then theres another strange being that lives up stairs or lay down on the other sofa that I am not allowed on, it doesnt say a lot and tends to communicate in grunts and facial expressions, that one is called Shannon, Shandy, shanzybub, Dont answer Back, who do you think you are ( which are strange names but ones that are used quite a lot !!)

Until June last year I had not met these people who I now own.

I was born in Ireland and Raced at Harlow and Yes I was fast and Yes I did win a lot of my races.

Last May I was moved to Monmore Retired Greyhound trust (RGT) when Harlows closed down.

Thats where the 3 S's ( Steve, simone & Shannon) met me and I decided to adopt them as my own.....................................................