Saturday 17 January 2009

hurraaaahh For Land Lady CHEESE




Move over Nanny Cheese........I have a new Love in my life.....LAND LADY CHEESE...."
Its nothing personal you know its just that L.L.C ( Land Lady Cheese) is far more giving when it comes to dishing out the sacred yellow stuff..she doesnt fob me off with 2 chunks and thats me lot !!!!!!!

I'm still a bit wary about the Catholic Beer church ...the thought of all those clickety clicking old ladies let loose with a bingo dabber and a glass of sherry...( ooohh... makes me shudder )..... I no longer stall at the door and refuse to go in...then once dragged inside I do not stand with my back to every one casing the door..ready for my escape...
As L.L.C has cured me...its a miracle !!!!!!!!

Some one tell father Lamb

All for the love of cheese

Im not greedy...........................
its just that when I look in the mirror I can actually see my ribs - well if I breathe in a bit- and that cant be right...and it takes a lot of energy to sleep 23 hours a day...its like hibernation but on a slighty smaller time scale...and have you seen how much bears have to pack away prior to the long sleep ?
Exactly : so agreed I am not greedy...I need a lot of calories ( unlike Twiggs..who needs her jaws wiring)
Now when TBG and Twiggs go out...I know where they are going as the Albino Emo isnt with them..which means she's sleeping at her nans and that pair are sneaking off to the Beer Church..I know they are not going shopping as they are not arguing and Twiggs smells nice.......
So they are not going with out little ole me some.......... L.L.C will miss me if they go in without me...and people always say not " Hello TBG/Twiggs..how are you ? " the first thing they say is " WHERES NELLIE ?"
Every one quite rightly so loves me...
And the raidiators are always on over there unlike at home where TBG is way way too tight to put them on.......
Its like being a film star...
I make my entrance...everyone croons over me
My coat is laid on the floor fur side up by the raidator.
People fawn over me beacause I am so adorable..( ok so it sounds like Im blowing my own trumpet here...but im just stating what folk say)
Then The best bit comes..... :
L.L.C CHOPS ME LITTLE SQUARES OF NELLIE NECTAR ( CHEESE) UP AND PUTS IT IN MY OWN LITTLE DISHY...JUST FOR ME................!!!!!!!!

Thank you for curing me L.L.C
I Love You
x x x x x

P.s : I quite like milk and sausages too

Friday 16 January 2009

Santa came




I think Santy forgave me for opening that one pressie a tad early.....After all I did show remorse)
He brought me a new gift...... They call it " Ducky "... I call him " Martin The Mallard " He honks and is fantastic..... unlike my friend ASBO Hound who killed hers ( yup totally ripped to bits... no amount of sewing could save it and its gone to that big doggy toy place in the sky)..
I havent killed Martin yet.. although I did remove his honk by the end of the day..it was a bit baffling as ducks go Quack ...Matin being male and butch and part Goose Honked...but he honks no more....
I love to chase him and throw him in the air..playing that wonderful game called
" lets see how many of Ole bum faces stuff I can knock off the shelf....)
matin has tuffy fur...supposed to be feathers.......and I love to nibble it and get it every where..twiggs says its a monkey to hoover up...so all the more fun for nibbling it off and grinding into the carpet...the down side is it makes me cough...the first time this happened TBG nearly gave me mouth to mouth till I honked up a wad of fur - very quickly i will admit when I saw him advancing towards me-

They also gave me a mouse..very originally called Mousey..he crinkles and squeeks ..or did squeek..he just crinkles now..hes rather sweet , the only snag is he is rather light and when I throw him he fails to knock stuff off the shelf and has let me down a bit..so have to bite him that extra bit hard just to show him who is the boss.
Santa left many items off the original list I left for him...actually he left every thing off....
I did ask for
A whole cow..cooked
My own sausage/cheese/milk factory
cashmere bedding
Never to be made to go out in the rain/dark/snow/wind/twiglight/hotsun..ever again
Next doors cat gift wrapped.
Talking of gift wrapping.. THEY DID NOT WRAP MY PRESSIES...
Twiggs thought it would give me bad ideas about being able to unwrap stuff...ok youve read the previous Blogs........What happened before was an accident..I have explained !!!

Flipping the Bird




Some times , just some times these bozo's who live with me irk me......
It could be any thing like making me go for a walk when I have made it perfectly clear i had no intentions of getting off my bed and really do not like being dragged off it...
Or Twiggs making cheese sarnies and not sharing the cheese with me..instead giving me the ole bum face and barking at me to get out of the kitchen and to stop scavageing..... humfffppphhh !!!!!
Or them laughing at me for falling of the sofa whilst chasing the phantom squirrel in my sleep....
or when my tounge sticks to the carpet or I choke on it
Now down to law of gentics i dont have possable thumbs or fingers...nor can I tell them to go away...... I am a genteel hound and do not growl or snap........
But what I can do is this..........

Step one.......
They laugh at or scold me
Step two.......
I turn my back on them.
Step Three.......
I place my paws out if front of me.
Step Four.......
I lower my head and raise my hind in the air.
Step Five......
I flip my tail high in the air......

THEREFORE I FLIP THEM THE DOGGIE BIRDIE............



However its totally lost on them...they have no idea..they think Im just being stretchly Nellie.......
I know differently.................